lions, tigers and toddlers oooooh my! - somebody help!

tanza · Full Member Joined: 30 Jul 2002 Posts: 76

okay, so heres the deal...

i have a son... his name is toby... cute as can be, blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes, healthy, happy, fun-loving, social butterfly, loves to sleep... BUT all that changed recently! in the past few months toby has changed dramatically and i'm not sure how to handle him.

specifics: in public he has become increasingly whiney, loud and obnoxious if he doesn't get his way. i try to be as consistent as possible. tell him to use his words or he won't get what he wants. put him in time out. even take him to the bathroom for some ahem "lovin's" every now and then. but it seems like nothing works.

today was the final straw for me. we were at a dealership, purchasing a new minivan (which by the way is adorable!) and he actually grabbed my face violently and stratched it! all this because i couldn't give him milk NOW... i promptly took him to the bathroom and gave him a good swat. but now i'm in turmoil? did i do the right thing? is this a stage that will pass? any creative suggestions from you parenting pros?

also...my son who used to laugh when he went night-night now screams bloody murder because he wants to stay up. and he's been waking up 2-3 times a night. part of issue is, over christmas we were with my parents and they didn't have a bed for him...so he slept on a loveseat right next to our bed. he likes the comfort of mommy and daddy close by. but now...in his own crib he'll wake up and scream for hours unless i go get him. he'll fall prompty to sleep once he's relocated between mom and dad. stop looking at me like that! i know thats a major NO-NO for parenting...but i didn't know what else to do...and my sleep is very precious to me! plus, i'm not sure if he's scared (having night terrors) and legitimatly needs to comfort of mom and dad? heeeeeelp if you have any advice!

BopeepTex. · Junior Member Joined: 28 Dec 2002 Posts: 26

First off, let me ask a few questions. Do you work? Do you leave Toby in a daycare or do you leave Toby with a sitter?? And just how bad are you stressing out about leaving him with your mother this summer?

Alot of times behavior changes come due to fact of what's going on in the daycare and the fact that you are not there to protect him. If he is in daycare, the other toddlers could be agressive towards him, pushing, shoving, scratching, hitting, biting and if this is taking place he could be mad at you for leaving him there and is taking his frustrations out on you. Then you have the whole night problem thing. Are they made to take naps at daycare and if so is a pleasant experience? Is the daycare overcrowded and are they bunking two children per crib or playpen? There's so much here that could be going on here could you be a little more specific. Maybe none of the above is applicable and maybe it's just that he's going through the terrible 2's a little early.

tanza · Full Member Joined: 30 Jul 2002 Posts: 76

i do work...part-time...but Toby comes with me. i do after-care for our church-school...ages are varied and the number ranges any where from 8-22 kids in my care at a time.

you did make me think about something though...one little boy there is particularly aggressive towards toby...i correct the behaviour but maybe toby is learning it from him? maybe he's mad at him? its hard to know whats going on in that wee lil' brain of his! ???

i'm doing better with the whole "stressing" about my mom's thing. my hubby and i have talked, prayed and counselled and have come up with an action plan that i think will work. i have peace that if mom and i are ever to have a meaningful relationship we need to be able to communicate...and i believe that the Holy Spirit gave my hubby a great idea that will help break the ice.

toby has been on a good schedule since he was about 6mos old. nap time at 11:30ish...except on Sundays... bed-time 8ish... except on church nights. this change in sleeping pattern developed recently...prior to our visit with my parents but right around the same time.

Janine · Posted: Sun Jan 05, 2003 4:08 pm Post subject:

Honey, I don't see too much you can do differently.

**********{warning... sarcasm mode ON}**********

Think a little about what "they" say, about a kid in your bed...

Just WHY is it such a no-no to have a little one in the bed with you? Why is that a problem?

Is he going to be unable to sleep without you when he leaves home for college?

Do you and your husband lack the self-control to leave each other alone sexually when the child is in the bed?

Will it kill you to buy a bigger bed if you need to? Or give the kid a temporary pallet in your room for a few months?

Please try to verbalize exactly what is wrong with Toby being allowed to sleep with you guys.

**********{sarcasm mode OFF}**********

(*Whew*... I feel better now.) : Wink

:
You would be wise to smack him at appropriate times and in appropriate places (anatomy) and places (location). The worst nastiest little brats I've ever seen are the ones whose parents resolves NEVER to strike the kids. Little monsters. I see some parents running around at the mercy of their kids, rather than training the kids.

You watch up to 22 kids in aftercare? Are you alone watching up to 22 kids?!?! If so, no wonder Toby freaks out.

Whatever you find that works, do it consistently. I'm glad you see the importance of that. Don't allow the mind-numbing, grinding exhaustion of dropping everything & taking him immediately away for discipline, no matter what, drag you down.

However it all works out... God has trusted you with little Toby, that you will work to turn him into a decent citizen, with at least some ability to control himself and hear the voice of the Spirit calling him. It is a vital, important job, and I know you can do it!

BopeepTex. · Junior Member Joined: 28 Dec 2002 Posts: 26

I'm glad you take Toby with you and it's very possible that Toby is learning the behavior from the one child. It won't hurt for you to keep a closer eye on this particular child and see if Toby is more upset after being around him. Something to think aboaut anyway.

Next the night thing. You said that started around the time you spent time at your mothers. Question here is did his sleep routine get disturbed there? You know, his schedule thrown off?? Was he able to take his nap at the same time and was he allowed to stay up later than usual. And while there is nothing wrong with Toby sleeping with ya'll it is a bad habit to get started and a harder habit to break. By the way, do you have a night light in Toby's room and maybe a favorite stuffed animal in the crib with him. Also do you have a friend that has a dog that is "child friendly" that you could take Toby around to teach him that all dogs are not "bad dogs". One that doesn't look like Silas. That way he could learn to tell the difference between "good doggie" and "bad, evil, mean, Silas doggie" (haha). Children are never to young to learn the difference between good and bad. With the dogs being different he would learn to see. Maybe it will take the size of the dog. Silas being small introduce Toby to a larger dog or even a puppy.

Oh well, good luck to you on all the above and praise God that He has shown you a way with your mother.

Janine · Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2003 6:12 pm Post subject:

And remember, there was only one Perfect Parent, and He had only three perfect children... and two of them messed up, despite having the Perfect Parent.

As for the third Child, He was perfect, too... and look what the rest of us did to Him... sad, isn't it?

tanza · Full Member Joined: 30 Jul 2002 Posts: 76

touche janine!

and... i think the sleeping thing was a phase... cause the past two nights toby has asked to go "ni nights"... very cute indeed.

and maybe the agression is teething pain? cause he's been sweeter than sweet!

i just get way stressed and feel like i'm messing up big time! thanks for all the encouragement!

Janine · Posted: Fri Jan 10, 2003 12:12 pm Post subject:

It encourages me to recall that the One Perfect Parent is helping me out. :inlove:

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

Kids always test the envelope, to see what the people who control their world with allow or not allow, and if they are still enforcing their limitations the following week or month. Lazy parents give in, eventually and the Kids learn to attack those limitations more and more. In the first 5 years of their lives, is when they develop their skills to deal with limitations put in front of them.

dacjjc · Newbie Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 4 Location: Heiskell TN

I have 3 kids and 2 of them are 2 and under do I know what you are going thru. Sometimes (Cody)2 years old tries to see what he can get away with Rolling Eyes

but I think if you are doing what you are then it sounds like you and your child are finding how far he or she can push you and from what I see you are doing great with him .

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