A Question for christian married men

true2god · Newbie Joined: 23 Feb 2006 Posts: 7

I always wanted to know exactly what a man of God expects from his wife.
Example: If you were a man of God and you married a woman who was saved ,but before she was saved she was a prostitute. When you marry her would you expect more sex from her just because what she used to be?
Example: If you married an actress. Would you expect her to turn on and off her emotions just because she does it for a living?
How much does your wife's pass matter in the marriage?
Is it possible for the pass not to matter at all?
I know a man of God that seems to think 90% of men all think that the pass of his wife does matter and will affect the relationship.
So tell me....does it really matter?

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2041 Location: Chicago

I am a woman - so I can only give you my perspective.

The sexual past of a future spouse would play a huge role in my decision to marry. Every sexual encounter has taken part of your heart away from me - which means how much of it is really left? Flashbacks of prior sexual experiences do occur - especially since I know men are very visual creatures.

From your post, this is something that appears to bother you a great deal. It will also bother you after marriage. Pre-maritial counseling would be a really good idea. It's not a good thing to have these thoughts in your mind when you're intimate with your spouse. It has huge potential to destroy a marriage.

If you can look at it from Jesus' perspective - all sins have been washed away and forgotten. A future spouse is clean as snow if they have given their heart to Jesus Christ. Their past sins are no more.

The choice is yours -

webacus · Posted: Fri Mar 03, 2006 2:33 pm Post subject:

All of our pasts affect our relationships-- family of origin,
addictions, remarriage, and other junk...

Those issues need to be brought out into the open,
discussed, and dealt with; and if there are still issues, counseling
is needed.

Unconditional · Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 12:05 am Post subject: As a man of God

I think this question comes down to acceptance, understanding, and forgiveness. There are probably is more to it all, but I am not a professional or anything in the sense, and so webacus is correct in seeking counseling.

One's past must be accepted and understood because it can't be changed, yet it affects their current life.

Also in some cases, forgiveness might be something that comes into play because some people may have bitterness of their partners past, by simply knowing that it affects their current relationship. So at some level there would be a need for forgiveness. Does that make sense?

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2041 Location: Chicago

Makes perfect sense "Unconditional". We know God forgives our past, but the question remains, "Has your spouse forgiven you for your past?"

jcat · Newbie Joined: 27 Mar 2006 Posts: 1

While I may not be in the best place to give advice right now, I will give you a man's perspective:

[quote]I always wanted to know exactly what a man of God expects from his wife. [/quote]

He expects his wife to love him and cherish him above all others. I will tell you that while the past isn't everything. It will affect your relationship as to expectations. To be honest, in the example you gave of being a fromer prostitute and would your husband expect more sex, the answer is probably YES. That's not to say that he looks down on the past, but I know that in that position I would expect sex more because the person I married has been open sexually in the past. Any attempt not to be open and edventurous sexually with me would probably be seen as "why can't you do it for me?" That may not be politically or biblically correct. But that would be how I would feel. It wouldn't be the past that I held against you, just lack of the same enthusiasm with me. To give you an analogy, very early in my relationship with my wife (before we were married) I got mad at her because she wore a bikini Wink

to the beach when she went with a local youth group. She got upset with me for my reaction and I tried to conveince her it wasn't the bikini that was a problem, the problem was that before that she had never worn one for me.

In short, we men want to be first in your lives (next to God of course) with nothing held back. If your putting anything out there for someone else, we feel we deserve the same.

Hope this diesn't offend, just my opinion.

marzettejohnson · Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 4:37 pm Post subject:

When you are in Christ you are a new creature old things have passed away.

marasdac · Posted: Mon Apr 17, 2006 8:43 am Post subject:

about all i can really offer is this ...

i believe we RESPECT our brides in the beginning, or at least want to.
then as time goes on we begin to EXPECT.
i feel that when we EXPECT we short change our brides. we take em for
granted and family mess springs up.
as a recovering porn addict, 257 days so far, i had unrealistic expectations
and wanted her to perform similar stuff. WRONG.
now i am grateful that she still loves me physically. grateful that she still seeks to please me despite who i was.

so in my unqualified opinion, try to RESPECT more and EXPECT less

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