jl
Newbie
Joined: 21 Feb 2006
Posts: 2
Location: ONTARIO
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 Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 7:49 pm Post subject: failing 2nd marriage |
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| My second marriage of nearly 3 years is sinking fast. My husband has his priorities all wrong. He ignores my needs, and they are great because I have multiple sclerosis and I'm chairbound since before we met. He is more committed to his 18yr old son than to me. I've expressed the hurt and he strives to hurt deeper. If this plea is successful and responded to, I'll explain more at that time. |
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jl
Newbie
Joined: 21 Feb 2006
Posts: 2
Location: ONTARIO
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| Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 4:17 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you for responding. Finally I have someone to talk to.
You are right, divorce is not in God's plan but do you think temporary separation is? I/we believe this marriage has been put together by God and He is so good and only does good. I think my husband may be bi-polar. His mother, sister and niece are. I think that the only chance for him to accept counselling is if I were to give him an ultimatum. Counselling or leave. He is very controlling. I can see that he has mistreated his son( 18 ) and daughter(21) in the past by the way they treat him. He caters to them now so that they will tolerate him. I can't take the emotional abuse anymore. Up till now, I have accepted his wallowing back into my heart again and again but I see this as enabling now because I've told him, in the past, how unacceptable and hurtful his actions are, but the circle comes around again, often.
I'll try to show you a piece of the pattern.
Last Wed., he and I were doing some quick errands before supper. Things had been good for 3 days. I stated a truth concerning money, kindly, matter of factly, because I know how ridiculously, easily, offended he can be. He gave me the cold shoulder treatment until Sun., even sleeping away from me that first night. I told him a couple years ago how special sharing the same bed is(was) to me, so he knows abandoning our bed upsets me. He's done this so often, that I don't let it bother me anymore. Remember I have MS so I need help getting into and getting up from the bed and in the bathroom. When he isn't with me, I have to call out for one of my daughters to come if I have to use the bathroom in the nighttime. Since this last episode, I haven't accepted his "wallowing". He needs counselling which will cost us dollars but isn't our marriage worth it? We are born-again, but sometimes I wonder if money isn't his god.
I love him and pray that our marriage will be the kind that is admired by others. Our vows included "in sickness and in health". God has said "be still". When is an ultimatum okay with Him. |
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