SAM
Veteran
Joined: 03 Mar 2001
Posts: 2163
Location: Chicago
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 Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 5:46 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Two because I am the type of person I need him to be brutly honest with me |
Time to be brutally honest with him about your feelings of betrayal and you can no longer hide your pain and pretend it did not happen. Sweeping it under the rug is not helping either one of you. It doesn't make what happened go away.
I get the impression from your post he doesn't feel he did anything wrong - if that is the case, why did he hide it?
Simply put, he did and he needs to be told that - by you.
If it creates an all out battle between you, then so be it.
Keeping the peace at all costs is - eating you up inside?
If a marriage is going to move forward (not backward) Christian counseling is an absolute must in this situation. An emotional affair is no less painful than a physical one. Unfortunately, many think since the act of sex did not occur, technically it doesn't qualify as an affair.
Scripture is pretty clear on this technicality -
Matthew 5:28
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already
committed adultery with her in his heart.
It sounds like you want to save your marriage and work on healing. I would imagine your husband no longer wants to attend church because he is hiding from God and perhaps, full of shame. Unfortunately, God sees it all even when we want to cover it up.
It may mean you go for counseling on your own for awhile. Understand, that this is not your fault and you are not to blame. For your marriage to be restored, he needs to come to an understanding of the magnitude of his actions and do everything in his power to restore your trust. If he is unwilling to do so, can you live with this? I believe these two books can help you walk through that journey.
Every Heart Restored by Stephen Arterburn
Torn Asunder by Dave Carder (there is a specific chapter on Emotional Affairs)
Also, this area of Growthtrac has a wealth of information -
http://www.growthtrac.com/special/affair/
Also, this is an excellent article on friendships of the opposite sex -
Personally, I would not want my husband to have a "girl" friend. It's called boundaries, or putting hedges of protection around my marriage.
http://www.growthtrac.com/artman/publish/article_551.php |
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