Jim
Site Admin
Joined: 02 Mar 2001
Posts: 116
Location: Chicago
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 Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2005 1:20 pm Post subject: Separation Guidelines |
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(Excerpt from another post by Webacus...)
Sometimes therapists refer to Structured Separation. The idea is you both define rules for your time apart.
I am not a fan of separation; often it is just practice for divorce. Of course in cases of violence or abuse,
plan or no plan you should to get away quickly.
The risks of separation are great. It should be used only as a last resort to help resolve a fatal flaw in marriage.
Once separated, couples often never do reconcile, remaining separated for life, or they eventually divorce.
It is recommended that a plan be developed that moves you toward eventual reconciliation.
If separation is to be effective as a tool to restore the marriage, rules need to be established.
For starters, a structured, written covenant answering the questions below, is suggested: Whats the goal for your separation?
How long will the separation last?
Counseling: Together? Individually? How long? Goals?
What issues/problems do you plan on addressing during the separation?
Which issues will wait until you are both under the same roof again?
How often will you see one another?
What about phone calls? Emails?
What is the plan for the one who moved out to see the children?
What are you telling people/extended family about the separation?
Are you planning on having sex while youre separated?
How will you know its time to move back in? Then, before a separation ends, you should negotiate an agreement for when you
move back together that describes acceptable and unacceptable
behavior. As Dr. Harley describes it, "Never do anything without an
enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse"
in his Policy of Joint Agreement. |
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