Another Update

dimwood · Full Member Joined: 25 May 2005 Posts: 162

Well, my sweet wife is heading to counseling again tomorrow night. She is having a really rough time with her own issues (crying a lot for no reason, scared, confused). Ok, this may sound harsh but this makes me pretty excited. Let me tell you why. She has covered this up for so long and now she is letting it out and running to counseling (instead of avoiding it). This is the first step to healing.

Now the down side. She still has stuck in her mind that she needs to go find herself on her own in order to heal (I am talking leave the country kind of alone here). I know this isnt normal and a therapist friend of mine said this escape mentality is a pretty common reaction for someone who is so depressed. She really doesnt understand why I am acting so nice to her. I guess she cant understand how I can still love her! God is my strength and sooner or later she will be able to see that.

I guess I am letting you guys know that we are still together but I still covet all of your prayers. I am ok and have a counselor to talk to. She is my biggest concern.

webacus · Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 12:29 pm Post subject:

Hi dimwood
I would be encouraged as well. Sounds like good progress.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2162 Location: Chicago

Baby steps - took a long time to get to this place and it will take some time to walk back in the right direction.

My prayers are with you both. You're on my revolving prayer list for those who post here at GT.

Thanks for the update Smile

dimwood · Full Member Joined: 25 May 2005 Posts: 162

her counseling session went really well yesterday and we are beginning to talk about when we need to start joint counseling. I see that as a pretty good sign!

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2162 Location: Chicago

Yeah God! He continues to walk beside her. Thanks for letting us know how things are going. I am so glad that you have both been open to Christian counseling. It really does make all the difference in the world.

webacus · Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 2:14 pm Post subject:

Excellent!

dimwood · Full Member Joined: 25 May 2005 Posts: 162

things did not go well at counseling last night. I believe that she is dead set on moving into her own place for a while so she can figure herself out. She has agreed that we will go to marriage counseling together after she has a while by herself to figure stuff out. Satan is working hard on our marriage.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2162 Location: Chicago

What did the counselor say about her leaving to figure things out? Something isn't sounding right here.

Separation is not usually the best way to work things out. A separation must be very specific and detailed in writing with an agreed upon timeframe for separation and an established period of time for this to occur and a date for the person to come home. A third party (arbitrator/counselor) needs to be brought in so that all parties have an equal understanding of what is expected. Counseling is continued and required during the separation period.

dimwood · Full Member Joined: 25 May 2005 Posts: 162

she let us do most of the talking. I do know that her opinion is that separation isnt a good idea. However, my wife is not able to see another option right now as her own personal junk is so thick that she can not see the forest for the trees. Our counselor did say that we needed to get together and set parameters and determine a time frame in order to continue working. We also agreed to go to counseling together during this after she has a "breathing" period to figure some of her own junk out. Needless to say this sucks.

SAM - I cant remember but did you say once that you were in a place where you didnt think you could love your husband or something like that? That is where she is right now. She doesnt feel "like that" and is having real problems with believing that she can be able to connect to me in that way.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2162 Location: Chicago

You're right, it's a lousy place to be.

Yes, at one time I did feel I could never love my husband again. It had a lot to do with my relationship with God, or lack thereof. It took a great deal of prayer on my part and God doing some tremendous work in me. I had to be a willing participant. It all depends on the condition of her heart.

dimwood · Full Member Joined: 25 May 2005 Posts: 162

thats what I thought and that is incredibly encouraging to me b/c that is where she is. she just called and said she had a breakthrough today while reading her bible......stay tuned....

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2162 Location: Chicago

I'll keep praying that her heart continues to crave after God's word. I will also pray that the scripture she reads will jump from the pages and inspire her toward healing and loving you with passion again.

dimwood · Full Member Joined: 25 May 2005 Posts: 162

Her big breakthrough was this...

She has finally figured out that she doesnt understand love. she doesnt understand how to give it, receive it, or even what it is and is supposed to look like. In addition, she is afraid of committment. She feels that she is looking to fill a void in her life. I am glad she now has a jumping off point with her counselor.

All of a sudden she is spending a lot of time reading her Bible (this is great b/c God has 1 path for us as married folk!) and praying. i am patiently waiting for her counselor to work through this with her so we can begin to rebuild our relationship. Man, God has given me patience that I never believed was possible....

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2162 Location: Chicago

If she can begin to understand God's love, that will be the biggest breakthrough of all. From there - giving it, receiving it, accepting it and knowing what it looks like will fall into place.

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