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Chitzu
Newbie
Joined: 04 Dec 2005
Posts: 2
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 Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 12:37 pm Post subject: Haunted by wife's past |
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Kindly note that this post has been deleted. Thank you.
Last edited by Chitzu on Fri Feb 03, 2006 5:53 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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SAM
Veteran
Joined: 03 Mar 2001
Posts: 2161
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 3:11 pm Post subject: |
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Sounds like counseling is the direction you need to go. This is a horribly destructive place to continue to dwell. And, according to scripture, you do not have an out of jail card on your marriage.
Your wife seems to want to move forward and make a new life for yourselves with Christ. So, start with counseling for yourself, then ask her if she will join you down the road. |
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Chitzu
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Joined: 04 Dec 2005
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 6:00 pm Post subject: Haunted by wife's past |
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Kindly note that this post has been deleted. Thank you
Last edited by Chitzu on Fri Feb 03, 2006 5:55 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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SAM
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Joined: 03 Mar 2001
Posts: 2161
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 8:32 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I would appreciate some response/comments from someone who has gone through something similar to what I’m going through. I appreciate the fact that it is difficult to understand the emotions of another person unless you’ve been through it yourself. |
I have been through something similar with my husband. He had a relationship before we were married (and while we were dating) with a woman who ended up becoming our sister-in-law. It's one thing to know what your spouses past was, but it is another thing to have to look it in the face everytime there is a family get together.
| Quote: | | I also don’t feel comfortable exposing our challenges before other people |
| Quote: | | The bible also urges us to confess our sins one to another. |
Galatians 6:2 - Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Other brothers and sisters in Christ are there to help us. God designed it this way. It could be a close Christian brother you trust, your pastor or an elder of your church. Perhaps they can assist you with counseling. You need to start with yourself. Without it, your marriage will not heal nor will you. I agree that it cannot be forced and it has it's own timeframe, but YOU still need to work on it and not let your anger, anxiety and bitterness continue to grow into a big ugly festering sore in your heart.
| Quote: | | Now, reconciliation involves repentance and forgiveness and my view is that we must not only repent before God; we must also have reconciliation with the Church |
Sometimes reconciliation and forgiveness needs to start with us, not the other person. You're looking to your wife to make the first move, how about you taking the first step? We often have to look at our own heart and the hardness that has grown within it before restoration can begin. That's the hard part, looking at our own heart because we don't want to see what's there. We want to dwell on the faults of our spouse, that's easier. I know I am far from perfect myself, it's just easier to look elsewhere.
Whenever my husband and I have gotten to a point of being "stuck" on an issue in our marriage, we have always sought professional Christian counseling to get past it. This is the wise thing to do.
By continuing to dwell on the past and to keep bringing her previous behavior and sins to the forefront, you are weakening your new life in Christ together. I'm sure you wouldn't want to be treated in the same manner if the shoe were on the other foot. Christ has forgiven her, he has made her clean as snow.
Do I understand your circumstances? Been there, done that with my husband. Until, I took the necessary steps to begin my own journey of healing, we couldn't get beyond the issues that were tripping us up.
To dwell on something like this after so many years is destructive to your relationship with her. You asked it if is normal? Is this weird? Or is this some type of disorder? It's possible you may be suffering through depression or anxiety disorder. It's something to consider. Here's a place to go on Growthtrac to read some articles and check it out.
http://www.growthtrac.com/cgi-bin/search/search.pl?Terms=depression
http://www.growthtrac.com/cgi-bin/search/search.pl?Terms=anxiety
Be careful not to justify your way out of your marriage. Honestly, that is what I see happening from your first post. To justify and bring forth all the reasons you can to leave her. As a follower of Christ, that is not an option. You know deep down that God hates divorce. Will this bring you happiness and peace? I sincerely doubt it. And, you have a child to think about. |
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