Win him over without words.

imnfaith2 · Newbie Joined: 10 Nov 2005 Posts: 2

My fiance and I are Christians. I've been a Christian for almost 12 years, and he's been in the faith for 5 years. I think alot of issues (disagreements) that we are having pre-marriage stem from our unequal maturity in Christ. I am requesting prayer and advice in two areas:

1) my fiance to concentrate on his relationship with our Lord so he can be strong in faith, accepting guidance and receiving wisdom from Him.
2) for me to be patient and walk in humility allowing my fiance to hear from the Lord, not being a distraction but a facilitator when God wants me to be. It is difficult for me to know when to say something and when not to.

Thanks.

RBrownTN · Junior Member Joined: 04 Nov 2005 Posts: 44

I'll be praying for both of you.

Yet, there is something about your post that struck me - and since you asked for advice, I feel that I need to ask. If I am wrong, let me apologize in advance as sometimes its hard to pick up actual intentions in short posts and I truly don't intend to offend anyone.

I can see your genunine concern for making sure you both are walking with the Lord. I'd like to say that since you are both Christians, that you are far less unequal than you might realize. But (again, I apologize if I am wrong) I wonder if you feel that because your a believer "longer" than he is, that is what makes you unequally yoked. Reason I ask is that I almost picked up that it might be a competition. I pray that is not the case at all.

On the other hand - praying for his spirital maturity so that he can take his role in your planned family is a very good thing to pray for. Speaking for myself as a husband, this is something I pray for constantly. Now that I reflect on this point, I can see your praying to fulfill your role as well.

Be open and honest with each other and seek God's wisdom in everything is the best advice I can offer. Pray for your fiance and pray for your own guidance. I'll be praying for both of you.

Rob

webacus · Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 8:09 am Post subject:

RB, great response.

imnfaith, Welcome.

Here's a book I recommend

Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch by Lee Strobel
http://www.bookschristian.com/refer/growthtrac/PRODUCT=97154

While the book mainly addresses unequally yoked couples
(one a Christian, one not), I think you could glean some
insight from this.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1946 Location: Chicago

I have prayed for you and your fiancee this morning.

As women, I believe we long for this huge fortress of a spiritual giant to be our husband. He is to read the bible daily, he is to openly initiate prayer, he is to serve the poor, he is to financially be reponsible for tithing and on and on the list goes. Makes a pretty hard list to live up to.

You're on the right track with praying for your fiancee and asking God to intervene in the process. Where we trip ourselves up as women, is we forget to let God do the work.

We are called to be a helpmate and I definitely believe iron sharpening iron is part of that process. But, we set our expectations so very high that it is so very difficult for any human man to achieve all of it. If he is a wonderful man of prayer, encourage that. If he has the gift of giving, encourage that - and so on. But, no husband it going to meet every single one of these expectations the day he walks down the aisle.

I always go back to the Book of Esther and how God called this woman to save a nation. I know in my marriage, at times, God has called me to the challenge of leading prayer and giving of our finances. I don't believe this job is designated by God to our husbands alone. As for equal maturity in Christ, I think it is unusual for both husband and wife to be in the same place at the same time. We have always been at different places. That's why we are uniquely designed.

imnfaith2 · Newbie Joined: 10 Nov 2005 Posts: 2

Thank you so much for your prayers and words of advice and encouragement. I appreciate the help.

Rob, I searched my heart to see if it was a competition, but no. Just like SAM wrote, I do look to him as being the spiritual leader, submitted to God. Not competition, but I suppose high expectations. I have to remind myself how patient God was and still is with me.

SAM - I agree. That's why I'm in prayer now, letting God do what He knows is best for both of us.

webacus - Thanks, I am reading Surviving Spiritual Mismatch and I do find it helpful.

Right now, my fiance has decided that we take a break. I'm not sure what that means. In my mind, I think keeping the lines of communication open is best, but I decided to submit. I believe God will use this time to work on us both. Please keep us in prayer. Thank you.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1946 Location: Chicago

Ahhh, submit. Such a dirty word to so many women.

I didn't discover until I was over 20 years into my marriage what that really meant. At least for me, it meant me stopping and listening to my husband and the possibility that God does work through him and speak to him and nudge him. I had to stop fighting God - not necessarily my husband. I had to be willing to put down the boxing gloves and say OK, I will try it your way if you feel this is the direction God wants to take us.

You know what? It has changed our marriage in so many ways for the better. I just had to be obedient. Not to say I still don't struggle with it.
It really is mutual submission to each other, not just on the woman's part.
It's being willing to serve each other with the heart of Christ and being willing to hold your spouse up in the best light possible with encouragement and respect. And, that's more about submitting to God's will than anything else for what our marriage should look like.

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