Non-Growing Christians - How do you handle people who don't grow?

Anthony · Full Member Joined: 14 Jun 2002 Posts: 84

As one becomes more aware of their Christian walk, we encounter those who have a burger king walk, that is they have it their own way.

So how do you handle people in your Christian small groups or those you fellowship with on a regular basis; who have chosen to not recognized certain actitives as sin, or have demonstrated a lack of interest or committment in growing beyond where they are in their faith?

Grace · Full Member Joined: 24 May 2001 Posts: 90 Location: IL.

Geeze Anthony, good question!
I lead a group of women. Some growing and florishing. Others are content with being "good". Trying to get them to move out of thier comfort zone is the hardest! I challange them with things, they justify, I give them articles to read, they don't, I call to talk one on one, everythings "fine". Some of them aren't even prepared for thier study every week!
I have resigned myself to being very laid back in my approach. We all grow at our own rate. I pray to wait for the opportune moment for God's wisdom come from my lips for them. And I welcome any other suggestions as this is a heavy burden. ???

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1846 Location: Chicago

I have experienced very similar things in a group setting, Grace. It all goes back to God's timing and not ours.
My husband and I were recently invited to a July 4th party by a couple who we were in group with 8 years ago. We knew the man had prayed, but he had no desire to grow. We knew he and his wife were in the midst of marital breakdown, but he refused to budge.

At this party, we have seen God take ahold of him and change his heart so much. He threw a multi-cultural party with people from so many nations there. We sang worship songs in his backyard in many languages. He serves the poor now. He honors and adores his wife. I was amazed and thankful to God - coming to understand He had to do the work in our friend, not me or my husband as group leaders.

For some it happens right away, for others the process can take years. I truly believe it all has to do with how open we are to God and how ready we may be to truly devote our lives to Him. It's that "follow me" thing. That is when we see change of behavior and the heart.

I saw a bumper sticker the other day - I liked a lot. "On your way to heaven, do you know if you've been good enough?"

Anthony · Full Member Joined: 14 Jun 2002 Posts: 84

What would you do with a person who is unwilling to change their non-christian lifestyle, even though you have already confronted them on it? Do you ask them to leave your group, or do you remove yourself from the group.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1846 Location: Chicago

What would Jesus do with this person? That is the first question I would ask myself - I think we all know the answer.
We love them anyway, but lovingly and maybe strongly confront them about their sin. At first in private, then if it needs to be brought in front of the group because of an unwillingness to change, then it becomes a group decision.

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

I agree with Sam. God does the growing. We can do the planting of seeds, but the harvest may not come for quite some time since it is done in God's timing. We are the clay, He is the potter.

It has very much to do with a person's willingness to follow Christ and how open they are to the Spirit. The desire must be there. Along with other factors too (i.e. that person's personality, background, etc.) Every family approaches religion differently, so I think its important to understand how they were raised regarding spirituality matters. For instance, my boyfriend became a natural rebel around his teen years since he was forced to go to church, so he has found it very hard to "surrender & submit" to God. He's accustomed to being a leader, not a follower. I think the church he attended when growing up was legalistic as well because he has alot of views about Christianity in thinking that it's about "following the rules." He's coming to slowly find out this isn't the case, and he has come to desire to give God 1st place in his life slowly. Some people have stronger wills than others and being under GOOD teaching is critical to anyone's growth.

But all in all, continue to love that person with the love of Christ AND let YOUR light shine. When you are letting your light shine brightly it has a tendency to attract others. Always keep your lamp lit. Don't be critical, or judgemental, or self-righteous, but rather encouraging, edifying, supportive, loving, since we all grow differently, and always, always pray for your brothers/sisters in Christ!

Anthony · Full Member Joined: 14 Jun 2002 Posts: 84

While I agree with Sam and Danielle's comments overall, it leave the question open. What actions would you take towards the person in the group, who is unwilling to change their non-christian lifestyle.

Do you ask them to leave your group, or do you remove yourself from the group.
Sad

webacus · Posted: Sun Aug 11, 2002 7:57 am Post subject:

Have it Your Waaay, Have it Your Way. Have it Your Waaay... oops, sorry. Very Happy

Quote:

Do you ask them to leave your group, or do you remove yourself from the group.

Sensitive issue. If I were the leader, I would hold a separate meeting with the problem person not in attendance. The group needs to make some decisions.

Items to discuss:

> How is this person affecting the group?

> What is the group's consensus on why this person is having these issues?

> Discuss next steps...

>> Is this person really a Christian? Does the group need to take a step back?

>> Is there a spiritual maturity mis-match? In other words, is this person a Christian, but less mature than the rest of the group? Does the group need to re-assess the topic and approach? Perhaps refer him to another group?

>> The group needs to discuss above with the person and take action accordingly.

>> If person is a Christian and unwilling to change, need to consider asking him to leave the group. If appropriate, consider a one-on-one mentoring relationship with the individual.

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Well an ex-friend of mine "removed" a certain person from a group he had (not a christian study related group but hobby-related) because he didn't agree with his behavior, and he used some scripture to justify this but I can't remember what it was.

Seek God. Have the group (excluding that person) pray, being in agreement, for wisdom, guidance & understanding and wait for the Holy Spirit to direct you. You should all receive the same answer since the Spirit does not contradict itself. The bible says "where 2 or more are gathered in His name, there He is in the midst...."

Then act accordingly from there....

tanza · Full Member Joined: 30 Jul 2002 Posts: 76

wow! definatly a tough issue to delve into! one that my husband and i face often enough. without seeming legalistic, we find that there are many believers today who are not challenged to live a holy/seperated life. its almost like living as a christian is a game...and we forget that there are souls hanging in the balance. okay... but to the issue at hand

* i would definatly bathe this in prayer
* i would seek godly counsel from a pastor/leader who you trust and know to be spirit-led
* i think each situation is unique...and needs to be handled with wisdom...there are times where the Bible clearly says to mark those who cause divisions and avoid them...but then Jesus gives the ultimate picture of unconditional love...this is where you need a lil' supernatural wisdom to handle the issue.
* i'll say a prayer for you...and trust that God will direct your steps!

~grace & peace~
tanza Smile

Grace · Full Member Joined: 24 May 2001 Posts: 90 Location: IL.

Well said Tanza, I have a question for Anthony,

Quote:

Do you ask them to leave the group or do you remove yourself from the group?

What is the behavior, is it any worse than my sin? Are they trying to lead a Christian lifestyle, or have they turned thier back on Christ? 1 John is very clear about the assurance of salvation. Further more, I learned in church on Sunday something I never knew before, even though I have read this passage before. In 1 Cor. 12, it talks about Spiritual Gifts. 12:4 in the particular Bible I was reading says that we recieve spiritual gifts in "proportion to our faith".
Maybe they can't move on because of lack of faith. Is kicking them out going to draw them closer to Him? Sometimes we all need a swift kick to help us to grow. Jesus himself turned the tables at the temples, where people hid thier greed under "religion". Sometimes, prophecy can be a timely gift. Prayer, prayer, prayer is my answer. Is that politically correct enough for you?
Grace

Anthony · Full Member Joined: 14 Jun 2002 Posts: 84

Quote:

I have a question for Anthony --> Do you ask them to leave the group or do you remove yourself from the group?

If we are truly on a Christian Walk, it means we are working on our stuff, getting it out into the light and dealing with it. It doesn't help to be with people who are only here for the "Christian Experience", who are only here for the ride. Who like the having their christian beliefs, but still are having an affair, still are racists, are still doing a lot of other stuff which they don't feel is wrong.

Small Groups are not tea parties. The rubber needs to meet the road, or else we are all going through the motions. This isn't rocket science, but many Christian have rationalized their behaviors to the point that some behavior is not recognized as a sin, or I'll repent after I'm finished or I get myself out of the problem.

Do you ask them to leave?
What is your group about? What do the people in your group stand for? Is the behavior something the person is dealing with, is getting it out into light, or is it something they are not recognizing? If they don't care to change, they then should be asked to leave; after the rest of the people have made it clear that the behavior is sin, and attempt to hold him or her accountable.

Being a Christian means you will change-over-time. Christian is not a hobby, it is a faith which requires participation.

Janine · Posted: Sat Sep 07, 2002 9:52 pm Post subject:

Matthew 18:15-20
"If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst."

Sorry to post such a chunk of Scripture, but that's where I go to decide what to do in a case like that. The loving Christ said it, so it must be OK! : Wink

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ehipe · Guest

First, I will get the facts what the underlying cause for that issues. Secondly, I will ask the Holy Spirit to guide me to teach with conviction in my speech, teaching and in relationship. Likewise, ask from the Holy Spirit for discernment whether I am the right person to deal with that issues and come boldly with love including humility, grace and truth to confront this issue through teaching, Bible study, and in the degree of that relationship. Third, I have to be aware that, it is not my power to bring them to grow and desires more for Christ. I have to be patient until they are ready to come forward for change because of Jesus. They have to make choices to follow Jesus, otherwise, I have no power to restore them the joy of salvation.

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