Prayers requested please!

Lisa · Newbie Joined: 05 Jun 2003 Posts: 17

Hello, I am new to posting but have enjoyed reading here and been spiritually blessed from it. I need your prayers.

My husband has decided he doesn't love me and hence, he doesn't think we should remain married. I should of expected something like this out of him because he has been married twice before and quickly got out of those marriages when things got tough. I guess he thinks marriage is a fairy tale!

I really love my husband, we married about 18 months ago and he has a beautiful 8 year old daughter whose mother is dead (she shot herself after a messy divorce with him). His daughter and I have a wonderful relationship. I have done as much for her as I would if she were my own, and I consider her my own. She definently thinks of me as her mother. I homeschooled her last year, I've got her days full of activity this summer with various sports that she loves, I bake with her, read to her, sew for her, put her to bed and make sure everything in her life is going right and productive. When they came into my life, her teeth were nearly all rotted and she was very overweight. I spent four months with dental visits with her and got her teeth repaired and now she takes pride in her smile. She has slimmed down over 20 percent since her father and I married. She and I couldn't have a better relationship! Her father is very interested in her life, he adores her but he does nothing for her. I do it all.

She is his only child and was born when he was 40. He was still married to his first wife when his soon to be second wife had his daughter.

I just don't understand it. There is not one thing in any place in our marriage that I don't do for him what he wants and needs. I love him dearly and I believe in my marriage vows and I want our marriage to be a blessed union.

I need your prayers to guide us to that place we need to be to move forward. I want my family together. I also have a son from my first marriage that is in college. He is even supportive of us as a family and his new stepsister. Everyone is trying to move forward but my husband.

I am the first woman my husband has been married to that had any type of career. I don't work now because I take care of our home and his daughter. But, I was financially sound until I married him. He has gotten all of that and now I see he's ready to leave me. My retirement is gone and I sold my house that I'd had for 8 years and the equity in that is now gone too. I can't help but think that he married me to get all of that but surely not because he makes enough money. His timing with wanting to leave appeared right when my money was gone.

In a nutshell, he and I need your prayers. Thank you.

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

Lisa

I pray to the Lord that he gives you a calm heart, and the strength to remain focused.

You have made a good impression on the little girl, and it sounds like you have a real bond with her. Unfortunately one with your husband never formed, and not for lack of trying on your part. You're a giver and he is a taker, which works out fine until you need him, or he has gotten all that he wants and/or needs.

Like a bear who has removed all the honey from the beehive. And who once it is gone, goes searching for another honey tree to snack on.

webacus · Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2003 7:09 am Post subject:

Lisa, welcome. Thanks for posting.

What kind of "support system" do you have? What about church or group? Have you been in counseling?

I've prayed for you and your family.

Lisa · Newbie Joined: 05 Jun 2003 Posts: 17

Thank you both for your replies.

No, I do not have any support from anyone at this time. We do go to church but I have not shared this with anyone. I hate to talk bad about him. I have always believed that if I talk bad about someone to people and things do work out, then those friends and family members will never really be able to get over what happened. Unfortunately, I'm very private in matters of the heart.

Lisa · Newbie Joined: 05 Jun 2003 Posts: 17

I am so hurt. My husband went to a company bowling party tonight without me. He has never introduced me to anyone, even his family unless we have run straight into someone at the Walmart. I have used every opportunity to introduce him to my friends and family. He was only at the bowling alley about an hour tonight but it breaks my heart that he never includes me in his life.

Wynne · Full Member Joined: 03 Dec 2002 Posts: 109 Location: USA

My dear, I know this hurts. I have felt your pain, because you have expressed it so well.

Please, please find someone in your church family to help hold you up through this pain. If you have no one you trust, perhaps you could find a Christian counselor. To do so might be a good idea anyway, even if you have a supportive church family.

You must realize that all we can do here is to offer friendly advice. This is a far away "second-best" when compared to Christian friends and Christian counselors there by your side.

One thing we can do, however, is to pray. One thing I am doing now as I type this, is to pray for you. I pray that Our Blessed Lord will wrap such a confidence in Him around you, that you will be able to weather this difficult time and grow in your faith.

Remain in your Bible as often as you can. Draw strength from the wisdom there.

And come here to us again, to keep us informed. You will have your time to comfort one of us, in turn, I am sure.

Lisa · Newbie Joined: 05 Jun 2003 Posts: 17

Thank you Wynne.

I have felt the power and comfort of the prayers I have been receiving. Thank you all so much. It's amazing what prayer can do.

I ask your continued prayers through this hard time.

Janine · Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2003 4:43 pm Post subject:

{{{Prayers}}} for you, babe.

Lisa · Newbie Joined: 05 Jun 2003 Posts: 17

Here I am asking for more of your prayers. My mother died three days ago. I'm her only survivor and I arranged to have her cremated and a memorial service next Saturday 700 miles from here to bury her ashes next to my dad's. I was talking over the plans with my husband about when should we go up there to bury them and he said, "there's no we to it". He didn't want to take the time to go. I said, "I need for you to go, I don't want to do this alone." He didn't say anymore but later was looking online and talking about how we would get up there. I need your prayers through this next week, especially if I have to go this alone.

Thank you.

webacus · Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2003 12:59 pm Post subject:

Lisa, just prayed for you. Hang in there.

Janine · Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2003 10:09 am Post subject:

Let us know how it went, honey.

Lisa · Newbie Joined: 05 Jun 2003 Posts: 17

I have been offline for days, but it was easier than I would of thought.

jadalina · Full Member Joined: 11 Nov 2002 Posts: 62

Lisa:

I wish you God's blessings. Said and will continue to say a prayer for you.

Just remember, that the last thing he(your husband) wants to hear, is you pleading, cajoling, or crying to him for attention. I heard one pastor equate this to the following: When you were dating, you did not cry or beg for him to do things with you, you did not plead. Quite the opposite. I ask you to start feeling confident and give everything to God.

When next he says that he wants to leave, just let him know that you love him. (Not crying!) And that you love his daugher and your being a family. Let him know that you would like an opportunity to work things out, and that you are against divorce - because of what the bible says. Then, let him know that whatever his decision, you will continue to love him. Then, get out the major one: - tell him that you will not fight his decision to leave.

The best way to treat a person who wants to leave - is to give them the freedom they so much want. If you hold on to them - if you tighten and plead - they want to leave even more. Have confidence in the Lord - that he will meet you - in every issue, in every way. When you want to cry out - go to your room - get on your knees and pray - read the bible - it will give you peace to know that God knows about you. You don't have to do anything - just commit everything to him, trust in him and he will bring everything to pass.

God bless you. If you have not received Christ, this is a good time to do so. I will pray for you tonight. Don't fight - give it to the Lord. In everything you will emerger stronger.

Lisa · Newbie Joined: 05 Jun 2003 Posts: 17

Thank you, Jadalina. It's alot of work but I'm hanging in there. This past weekend I did give him an opportunity to go away for awhile. We were visiting a friend of mine that lives about 7 hours away. I wanted to stay overnight and visit longer with her so I suggested he go on home and I'd come the next day. He said that he might, he didn't know. He ended up staying.

Janine · Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2003 8:36 am Post subject:

That concept of holding on loosely is a rough one to live in. Keep working and praying.

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