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mimsky
Newbie
Joined: 22 Jan 2003
Posts: 4
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 Posted: Wed Jan 22, 2003 1:02 pm Post subject: |
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Anybody dealing with trying to put on a wedding without making anyone - real mom, step mom, mother-in-law, step mother-in-law, dad, step dad, father-in-law, step father-in-law- feel left out. It's hard enough coordinating a wedding and orienting yourself to a new family but what happens when there are TOO MANY PARENTS? I'm working on an article on this topic and would love to hear from anyone who's struggling to keep everyone happy where divorce and remarriage is concerned. The article is for Marriage Partnership which is a division of Christianity Today. I'd love to hear from you (or a friend in this situation) and see what you think I need to touch on in my article. I'm at [email]djknight@airmail.net.[/email] Thanks and God bless your marriage!
Mimi Knight
Philippians 4:13 |
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Janine
Veteran
Joined: 08 May 2002
Posts: 360
Location: South Louisiana
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| Posted: Wed Jan 22, 2003 5:05 pm Post subject: |
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You will NEVER make everyone happy.
The point is to make God, the bride and the groom happy.
In that order! :p |
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Anthony
Full Member
Joined: 14 Jun 2002
Posts: 84
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| Posted: Sun Jan 26, 2003 10:13 pm Post subject: |
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There is always someone left out of a wedding. Even when things are well planned someone always feels they weren't included as much as they would have like to have been. Feelings are so fragile and people often gage their feelings by what others recieve or the recognition they get at such affairs as weddings.
Also the more cultural or ethnic the wedding, the more people are more concerned with their appearance or placement in the wedding party or the wedding ceremonies.
It about them : : |
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BopeepTex.
Junior Member
Joined: 28 Dec 2002
Posts: 26
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| Posted: Tue Jan 28, 2003 3:38 pm Post subject: |
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This is a subject I know allll about. From both vantage (or disadvantage points). My daughter go married two years ago. Her father was invited and we weren't sure if he would attend or not. But we did get a boutiniere (sp) and coursage for him and his wife just in case they showed up. My daughter asked me (her mother) to walk her down the aisle as I was the one who raised her.
Needless to say they did show up and we (my husband, and I ) included them in on everything. Picture taking, sittting at the head table at the reception, and dancing with her for a father/daughter dance. Let me also say that my husband now also had the same father/daughter dance with her. Also let me tell you, this was hard as we had been divorced for 16 years and he had only seen her once or twice. So for me it was difficult. But remember something, you can never undo what has happened in the past and the present is all you have. You don't know if there's a future or not. So make the BEST of every situtation.
Now then the other side of this. My husbands son got married this past July. My kids were going to throw him a bachelors party with B-B-Que and the such and was told no a month ahead of time. They had decided that they would go to Las Vegas for the Bachelor and Bachelorette parties and since they knew we couldn't afford it they knew we would want to go.
Let me tell you something, it didn't bother me as I care nothing for Las Vegas, but it really hurt my husband that his son would do this.
Now we have the wedding. All the pictures were of her mom and step-dad and his mom and step-dad. There were huge coursages for her mom and step-dad and his mom and step-dad. The gifts at the rehearsal dinner for the parents were quite different also. Her moms and stepdads and His moms and stepdads were more expensive than for her dad and step mom and his dad and step mom. And last but not least the lighting of the unity candle. Her mom and step dad and his mom and step dad had the honors. The rest of us left out. The only thing her dad got to do was to walk her down the aisle. When it was all said and done my
husband broke down and started crying. He realized that he hadn't been included in on anything except to hand out money to help pay for a wedding he didn't get to particiapate in.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is it doesn't matter whether you're a parent or a step parent. Treat each equally. You can never go back and undo hurt feelings. A wedding is a special time for all, even if you are only a step parent. Don't leave someone out because they are a step. I did not like seeing my husband hurt that way. And as far as my daughter, it was up to her whether she wanted her dad there or not. And for her sake I am so thankful that he showed up.
Oh well, I have rambled way to much but I hope you can see how easy it is to hurt someone and how many bridges you can gap if you don't.
You and your extended family are in my prayers. Hang in there and God will show you how to work this all out.
p.s. my daughters father thanked me after it was all over and said they didn't know how they would be accepted but they were so glad that we were able to put aside all the hurt and ask them to come and then include them in on everything. |
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mimsky
Newbie
Joined: 22 Jan 2003
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Tue Jan 28, 2003 5:37 pm Post subject: |
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I hope your daughter appreciates how lucky she is to have a mom who was clearly more concerned with her happiness on her big day than with any petty fighting. There were so many ways you could have alienated or insulted your X and his wife, ways the world would probably applaud. But let me applaud you for taking the high road. Your wise words mean a lot too- we can't fix our past and the future is not promised ut we're responsible to God for what we do today.
I'm sorry for your husband that the two of you weren't treated with the same respect. I can't help but wonder how your step son would have felt if he knew he made his own father cry.
When I see the complicated mess surrounding my neice's wedding, I'm reminded what a mess we make life when we step outside of God's perfect plan. His plan was one man and one woman and HEY I guess he was on to something, Huh?
Thanks for your input. It helps me get a picture of what I need to address in my article. Bless you and your family!
Mimi |
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BopeepTex.
Junior Member
Joined: 28 Dec 2002
Posts: 26
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| Posted: Wed Jan 29, 2003 10:26 am Post subject: |
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Mimsky, I must admit something and the fact of the matter is when my ex-husband and I divorced, I was not in Christ. I had not accepted Christ as my Savior and I was extremely, and I mean extremely bitter. He had run around on me for years. And for that I hated him and it really didn't bother me at the time that he didn't ever show up.
And to tell you the truth I was really nervous before the wedding because I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know how I would react. But when I saw them, I felt nothing. It was as if I was seeing just an old friend. There was no hatred. No hurt. Just a thankfulnesss to Jesus that I was no longer in that situtation and that He had seen my fears and calmed them.
Don't allow anything to spoil this wedding. Trust God to get you through whatever feelings you are having. Even if they're bad feelings, know in your heart that Christ is there with you, and that no matter what happens you can all get throught it. Tomorrow is another day. Dwell on it tomorrow. Do whatever tomorrow.(or the day after the wedding) but for today forget it. Have a blessed wedding. |
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Wynne
Full Member
Joined: 03 Dec 2002
Posts: 109
Location: USA
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| Posted: Thu Jan 30, 2003 1:15 pm Post subject: |
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It might help to get the advice of a trusted friend or two, who are not connected to the families, about ways to include everyone.
Bless all who strive to be the "bigger person" in these situations. Our Blessed Lord would have it so, I believe. |
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