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Thesaurus
Newbie
Joined: 18 Jan 2003
Posts: 3
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 Posted: Sat Jan 18, 2003 9:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Well, I'm new. Needed someone to talk to but no one around. I get completely confused as to what I am to do. This is a 20 year event. Needless recently it appears to be worse or maybe it is just wearing. My husband is an internet chatter, exchanges messages, e-mail, pictures, etc. This is the least of it I think. I have confronted him with proof 3 times and he swears he'll stop. But after a while - You have to understand he is a perfectionist, hates lies (hyprocritical)-, is possibly hypo glycemic (moods swings terribly) and from one day to the next I don't know if it will be a good day or bad. If I act one way or another it adds to the pressures, etc. As I said I could go on and on. (Especially now that I have started to release some of this - teehee). Needless I have to admit, I strongly have considered divorce. After 20 years of this, I'm TIRED. I grew up in a Christian family, I am a Christian and this is where I struggle with the ability to even type the word divorce. I know what a 'family' relationship can be, all that is shared - this is not what my life is and I find myself wanting that aspect. I find myself defensive when I walk in the house door, I am only able to be myself with my children (17, 14, 12) - I feel I always say the wrong thing, in the wrong tone, at the wrong time when I tell my husband I need to talk. = Better stop. I keep smiling - I feel I already have some new friends. Thanks for listening. |
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tanza
Full Member
Joined: 30 Jul 2002
Posts: 76
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| Posted: Mon Jan 20, 2003 8:00 am Post subject: |
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hi thesaurus 
i'm not here to give advice... at three years we still consider ourselves honeymooners...
But...
this sounds like something needs outside help. today there are many trained, bible-based, christian, counselors that use their education and gift as a ministry. i would suggest you look into that option... call churches in your area there is bound to be at least one which will have this ministry available for you. i suggest you go even if hubby won't join you.
in the meantime... i'll say a prayer for you guys! |
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Janine
Veteran
Joined: 08 May 2002
Posts: 360
Location: South Louisiana
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| Posted: Mon Jan 20, 2003 12:37 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, you really need to get centered in you, as you relate to Jesus. Hubby can tag along to get better if he will... but you "git thee to a counselor", regardless.
You need to just be the way you ought to be as a wife in Christ. Be gentle and flexible 'cause that's a good way for a Christian to be, never mind a Christian woman... but YOU are not in charge of HIS moods. |
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RobJ
Newbie
Joined: 30 Dec 2002
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Mon Jan 20, 2003 8:31 pm Post subject: |
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Dunno if this book will help but don't think it would hurt.
DivorceBusting
Edited By Jim on 1043162121 |
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webacus
Veteran
Joined: 02 Mar 2001
Posts: 608
Location: Behind you.
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| Posted: Tue Jan 21, 2003 9:07 am Post subject: |
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Thesaurus
You say:
| Quote: | | My husband is an internet chatter, exchanges messages, e-mail, pictures, etc. |
What does this mean and what concerns you? Is he having an on-line relationship? Pornography?
RobJ I agree [DivorceBusting], excellent book. |
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Thesaurus
Newbie
Joined: 18 Jan 2003
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Tue Jan 21, 2003 11:29 am Post subject: |
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| What is classified as an 'on-line relationship'? I believe my beef is that he is able to converse with individuals about things and I feel left out in the cold. There is no communication except - ' I don't want to have to deal with this now', or 'All I wanted you to do was give me a hug', etc. Why isn't he able to converse with me? small talk? Why is it such WORK with me but not others? Porn - no. I've come accross picture exchanges, e-mail address exchanges, I believe there have been meetings - he says there has been no sex. I'm not a bad person but I do want adult conversation and interaction but he doesn't with me. ???? Don't know. |
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Thesaurus
Newbie
Joined: 18 Jan 2003
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Tue Jan 21, 2003 11:35 am Post subject: |
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| A post note - You know I even feel wrong about typing this, it should be discussed between us, I have, he says it will stop because of how I feel - but I find my trust is gone. I don't know that this is the right way to deal with this. :crazy: |
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Wynne
Full Member
Joined: 03 Dec 2002
Posts: 109
Location: USA
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| Posted: Tue Jan 21, 2003 1:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Would he join us here in the Growthtrac Community, do you think, dear? |
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tanza
Full Member
Joined: 30 Jul 2002
Posts: 76
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| Posted: Wed Jan 22, 2003 7:54 am Post subject: |
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at the risk of sounding "cyberworld" incorrect...
i do believe that the internet has provided us with a whole new realm of disconnecting with our spouses. and i DO believe there is such a thing as emotional infidelity. one can "escape" on-line and form a friendship with someone whom they don't really know. its kind of a fantasy land... and we need to gaurd our hearts and the hearts of our mates more earnestly than ever. in my relationship, i have found that i'm particularly vulnerable to this... i have made some wonderful friends on-line and have at times been more open with them than my husband. its a substitute sometimes and easier.
thesaurus i think you have every right to be concerned... but i still think this sounds like something that has been developing for years and you should talk to someone trained, and tangible who can pray with you and keep you accountable. |
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Janine
Veteran
Joined: 08 May 2002
Posts: 360
Location: South Louisiana
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| Posted: Wed Jan 22, 2003 12:10 pm Post subject: |
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So true about the 'Net offering us 'easy' escapist relationships as quickly as it offers good ones.
Just the fact that I spend the mornings with my 'Net friends can mean that I don't take care of my household obligations if I'm not careful. Here it is lunchtime, already time for me to get going, and I've not even noticed the time slipping by.
I have a 'Net friend who shared that her husband has been drawn into porn via the 'Net, and it is tearing her apart. How can she successfully compete for his attention, she feels, when he's always looking at air-brushed perfected beauties?
So, Thesaurus, you do truly have a formidable "other woman" in your life, so to speak, with the computer grabbing his attention. Even if he never looks at a single example of pornography.
{{{Prayers}}} for you, honey. You pray for me, too, that my love for the Growthtrac Community and my other 2 or 3 favorite sites doesn't come between be & my "real life". : :
And get a Christ-focused counselor, if you possibly can! |
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