A man's (pre-marriage) spiritual growth - Growth

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

If a man is satisfied with taking his time to grow in the Lord as a single, can the prospect of marriage sped this up some? This is something my bf and I have been discussing since we are talking engagement stuff.

He's perfectly satisfied growing in Christ at a slow pace since he is single and does not have a wife & family that he is responsible for. But he thinks that once engaged he will need to get more serious, and more focused on his spiritual growth since it won't be just about him any longer.

I'd like to get feedback from some men...is this likely?

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

Danielle

I have been a christian all my life but never really activiated the Holy Spirit to the next level. Even after getting married. I never read the bible or even picked it up. We didn't go to church much either.

Then what changed?

We started going to a church which got our attention, and mine and my wife's spiritual attention span has increased a 100 fold. We are both in a LifeGroup with other couples, I'm in a Men's Group, and my wife is in a Women's Bible Study, which is not part of our church, but part her friend's church.

The secret? Participation and a relationship with people. The Christian life is not a solo act.

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Hey Davep,
Thanks for sharing that. I didn't know you where married. Tell me, how long where you married before you DID start participating & activating the H.S.?

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

Danielle

10 years, it could have happen sooner. We were both catholics, and our spiritual attention span was not activiated by going to standard services. We were invited by a friend of our sons, to go to his Church, several times. We didn't want to blow him off, and going once or twice couldn't hurt. After the first service we were hooked, and have been going non-stop for over three years. Not only that our kids love going to church, and we don't have to get them out of bed on Sunday, because they look forward to going. Also they can remember what the Pastor said 3 month later, sometimes a year. And these are teenagers!

Also our Church is a guys Church, it was a very active Church with lots of programs for men. In fact the women, felt left out, so the Pastors went out search for a women to run the Women's Ministries.

The Church has grown from about 500 people to 1500 in the last three years. And is the planning stages of buying land and building a Church. The excitement and the people is what stimulates one interest and spiritual growth!

NorthPark Community Church

PS- The Pastor's name is also Dave, I am not a Pastor Smile

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2161 Location: Chicago

Sometimes we feel we can do it on our own. We can grow on our own, we can learn on our own, we can read on our own, we can study on our own. Problem is - it is all based on "our own" with no thought of God in the process.

If one is not walking toward God on a daily basis, then you're walking away from Him. Same thing with my marriage. If I'm not walking toward intimacy and growth, then I'm choosing to walk away from it. It is a daily, moment by moment choice.

If you don't see the desire, the hunger now in him to know the Lord more deeply and personally, when and where do you think it will come from? In Lee Stroebel's book, "Surviving a Spiritually Mistmatched Marriage", he talks about women being blind to men promising love and trust in the Lord just so they can marry them. Only to find out too late that their new husband was never a believer to begin with. Does he really bear the fruits of the Spirit?

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

Who loves the Lord more you or me? If his love doesn't look, feel and smell the same as yours, is there a problem? Maybe and Maybe not.

Christianity was started by men, but designed for women. Ladies we are not built the same. Maybe if God was presented as Women, it would be different. Maybe if God send his only begotten daughter it would be different. But the fact is we are independant guys, and it takes time to learn to depend and need the Lord. And even longer to develop a relationship with him, the goes beyond just an awareness.

Why do you think that in the United States, Women make up 70 to 80% of church attendance? In South America it is like 90 to 95%. In Italy it's 100% women only.

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Sam/Davep:
Good points from both of you.

Davep:
I'd have to say you are describing my bf to a T. Very independent, and it has taken him much time to come to depend on God and give Him control. I've been a vessel to this coming about so I just praise God for that.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2161 Location: Chicago

Because after the apple thing, God knew a woman wasn't patient. He had to find a way to instill this in us and learn to wait on Him. Hard thing to do for us.

Quote:

we are independant guys, and it takes time to learn to depend and need the Lord. And even longer to develop a relationship with him

Learning to wait - that's an interesting concept. Interesting how that doesn't apply when it comes to sex. A good friend of ours says he's a microwave and his wife is a crockpot.

It took my husband a long time to process his thoughts about the Lord. It was almost two years after I gave my life to Christ that he did. I have watched God slowly grow him into a man that truly loves the Lord - then on top of that, he gave him the gift of evangelism!

I sometimes wonder how we ever communicate and understand each other as men and women. God had a good time wiring us up differently - however I don't think this is the way He truly intended it to be. I think we were originally meant to be much more in connection with each other.

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