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Anthony
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Joined: 14 Jun 2002
Posts: 84
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 Posted: Tue Jul 23, 2002 8:02 pm Post subject: |
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| Not all Christians go the same church (location). How do or how did you decide on who's church to go to? |
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tanza
Full Member
Joined: 30 Jul 2002
Posts: 76
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| Posted: Sat Aug 03, 2002 8:56 am Post subject: |
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gosh did that bring back memories!
my hubby and i attended different churches. i was in LOVE with mine...the pastor, the people, the worship, everything. and i hated his... since he wasn't that thrilled with his either he was okay with not attending there. however, he didn't want to attend mine either. (for reasons which he now finds silly and wishes he could take back i might add!) this issue almost broke us apart. but with much prayer, counsel, prayer, hand-holding...did i mention prayer?... we finally came to a compromise. after we married we would find a new church together.
God is good...and we found a church family that we enjoyed... however both of us now kinda wish we had stayed at my church. but how does that saying go... "all things work together for the good?" :inlove: |
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SAM
Veteran
Joined: 03 Mar 2001
Posts: 2053
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Sat Aug 03, 2002 9:25 pm Post subject: |
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Unfortunately, neither one of us was a regular attender at any church when we were married. We decided to marry in my church that I grew up in because that is where my grandparents had taken me. We did not actively seek another church until 10 years into our marriage when our first daughter was needing day care. We stayed in this small church for about 3 years and I found Christ there and gave my heart and life to Him.
My husband was very uncomfortable with the "smallness" of everyone knowing each other and each other's business in the small church we were attending. Plus, they had altar calls (my husband would sweat when the pastor did this). We were invited by an employee of my husband's to attend our current church - over 15,000 attend 4 weekend services. I guess the anonymity was what appealed to my husband. We could walk in each week and no one would bother us. When the collection was taken they said, this is only for people who call this church home. If you are a visitor or just checking us out, let the plate go by. Well, that certainly perked up my husband's ears. Over a period of a year and a half, he heard enough about Christ and His grace to finally give Him his heart and life also.
We have been at the same church ever since. That was 16 years ago this coming fall. I would say we have found our church home. We both know what is taught stands up to biblical scrutiny and that it is relevant and has changed our marriage and our lives. |
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danielle
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Joined: 19 Apr 2002
Posts: 232
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| Posted: Thu Aug 08, 2002 1:39 pm Post subject: |
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Anthony,
Are you referring to if you are dating or married? I'm not clear on the his/her reference as in spouse? Or just dating?
If you are dating you should be able to visit each other's churches together, as I did with an ex-boyfriend of mine. (He told me that if we ever did get married however, I would have to join his church since the husband is the head). Very legalistic person. I'm kind of glad we are not together because with him being older by 6 years he felt like more of a parent than a partner. His church was ok, but I can't say I would want to belong there as a member looking back.
If you are married, I think it is crucial to belong to a church where the Spirit is, where you can grow & are being taught the pure Word (and solid food and not just milk), where you can fellowship with other believers, and also serve. The couple should be in deep prayer about this for the Lord's leading no doubt. |
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Anthony
Full Member
Joined: 14 Jun 2002
Posts: 84
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| Posted: Fri Aug 09, 2002 9:52 am Post subject: |
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Danielle
While simple dating, visiting each other's church may work. In that case the bouncing back and forth may not be a problem. But when two people are more serious in their dating of one person over a long period of time, should they settle on one church?
Given several churchs which all have the spirit, where you can grow, are being taught the Word, where you can fellowship with other believers, and also serve. In the end isn't it more were you feel comfortable?
How much of the decision is on how you like the Pastor's style and delivery, not to mention his personality? |
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Janine
Veteran
Joined: 08 May 2002
Posts: 360
Location: South Louisiana
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| Posted: Sat Aug 10, 2002 5:00 am Post subject: |
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If the congregation is led by multiple pastors/shepherds/bishops/elders (the NewTestament model),with one of them or some other paid person(s) doing the bulk of the seen-at-the-podium preaching, then you stand a good chance of being able to relate to the leadership.
Why would one prefer to peg one's focus on a single earthly leader? |
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webacus
Veteran
Joined: 02 Mar 2001
Posts: 612
Location: Behind you.
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| Posted: Sun Aug 11, 2002 7:39 am Post subject: |
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All good stuff.
Coming from [as Janine refers to], a "NewTestament model" church, we have benefited from multiple teacher/pastors.
Teaching responsibility over our weekend and mid-week services is divided between four teaching pastors. And through the summer, we bring in guest speakers to cover our mid-week services.
I think there are several advantages to this approach.
> Our church recognizes that our teachers need to be spiritually gifted teachers. Many [most?] churches require the pastor to wear all the hats -- accountant, board member, elder, administrator, leader, evangelist and teacher -- often, resulting in ineffectiveness and burnout.
> We benefit from sitting under a variety of teaching styles.
> Our teaching pastors are passionate, gifted teachers. Many of them professional-caliber speakers and authors. These people really want to teach and they're good at what they do. |
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SAM
Veteran
Joined: 03 Mar 2001
Posts: 2053
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Sun Aug 11, 2002 2:02 pm Post subject: |
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Visiting each other's church during dating is an absolute must. A decision on where to attend before you are married is something to be discussed prior to marriage also. Trying to "see how it goes" afterward would be a very bad choice.
Another thing that can enter into the picture is loyalty. Loyalty to a pastor, loyalty to other members and loyalty to your family if they attend there. Somehow the true focus gets lost, our relationship with Christ.
Where do you both feel you will be fed and grow as a married couple the most? Does the church offer classes, marriage enrichment, couples bible studies and have a commitment to marriages and families?
These are just some of the things I would consider in making a final decision. |
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danielle
Full Member
Joined: 19 Apr 2002
Posts: 232
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| Posted: Mon Aug 12, 2002 10:41 am Post subject: |
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SAM,
Funny you posed that last question. My ex-boyfriend said his church doesn't have those separate ministries (youth, singles, etc.) saying he believes that that separates the church and can cause division. We are all one body. I agree with one body, but we do have different needs within that one body so I didn't understand what he saw against having youth, single's ministries, etc.... |
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danielle
Full Member
Joined: 19 Apr 2002
Posts: 232
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| Posted: Mon Aug 12, 2002 10:44 am Post subject: |
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Anthony,
I'm not sure what my response would be since I'm not in that situation. When me & my bf first started dating we agreed to visit different churches but soon after we started going to the church his dad attends and have been there every since. So I haven't been in that situation. We are both content for the time being with this church. I would say that couple should spend time in deep prayer if they are already members and are loyal to their individual churches. They should be able to reach an agreement on what church to attend should they marry as the Spirit leads them. |
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