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Anthony
Full Member
Joined: 14 Jun 2002
Posts: 84
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 Posted: Thu Jul 04, 2002 1:52 pm Post subject: |
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Before Marriage, one may have several serious relationships. While sex is clearly out, are there other things which have been overlooked?
Is a serious relationship the same as a marriage? Other than sex and kids what are the differences between a christian couple who are unmarried and one that is married?
If there is no sex, what physical relationships are allowed, e.g. kissing, cuddling, etc.?
While temptation is a factor, is there anything biblically wrong with living together before marriage? How about if you're engaged?
Can a unmarried christian couple take a vacation together, and share the same room? |
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Janine
Veteran
Joined: 08 May 2002
Posts: 360
Location: South Louisiana
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| Posted: Thu Jul 04, 2002 9:20 pm Post subject: |
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I'll tell you what I told my son, just recently turned 17, re: the subject. He's found his first "serious" girlfriend; he'd like to marry her someday.
Kissing? Fond little pattings and touchings and leanings? Dancing? Whispering sweet nothings? Whatever. It's all fine. As long as you do it as you would to your own mother.
That's how you separate something that might be considered simple loving affection, from something lascivious. You've no business doing or saying anything even hinting at intimate to a woman who's not yours.
If you'd do it to your Mom. In church. In front of the elders, deacons, preachers, Sunday school teachers and God. Then it might be OK to do it with your girl! :blush: :inlove: :rolleyes: |
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webacus
Veteran
Joined: 02 Mar 2001
Posts: 608
Location: Behind you.
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| Posted: Fri Jul 05, 2002 7:55 am Post subject: |
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Janine, I bet THAT threw cold water on your son's romance! 
Living together: the bible does not say , "Thou shalt not live together before marriage", however, there are still several issues:
1] The appearance of sin [even though you may be sexually pure].
2] The possibility that your actions may cause someone to [sin] "stumble".
3] And the obvious one: If you're comitted to purity, why make it harder by living together?
As far as the first two, Christian couples need to remember that "people are watching". Friends are making value judgements. People are comparing the statement you're making as "church-going-Christians" to messages you're sending through every day life.
Living together sends a confusing message, a contradiction. People wonder:
"I thought they were Christians."
"Does their church allow them to live together?"
"Are they having sex? Is that okay?"
The messages sent, the lifestyle lived before marriage, can have a powerful impact on friends, family and co-workers. Especially non-Christians. God will use that experience to change lives! "People are watching". |
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L.shaw
Newbie
Joined: 05 Jul 2002
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Fri Jul 05, 2002 2:23 pm Post subject: |
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To reply to the question on dating, many people who are dating should not even kiss (unless it is a pck on the cheek or head) because it can start a snowball effect. I learned that the hard way and it caused a lot of pain that could have been avoided. But thank God for grace. As for doing what one does in front of elders or other people, what do you do if you are shy about showing affection? It was two and a half years before I held my fiance's hand in front of my family. It is soo awkward to do. I always say that I wouldn't kiss him in front of family (except the day of our marriage), even after being married. But I probably will change my mind.
One thing I think is vital for parents is being a positive part of your child's dating life. One should not be complacent or lax about what is right versus what is wrong, but one should not be condeming either. Be honest with your teen or young adult and take their feelings seriously, even if you don't agree. Sometimes parents don't take their child's relationship seriously until something goes wrong or when the couple announces that they are getting married. I know because there are times when I had a concern that had nothing to do with sin or struggling and my grandmother didn't seem to take as much interest as I desired. It didn't seem important to her until I told her I was struggling with sin. If one starts right away in gearing them to a healthy relationship, it will be easier to gear them to a healthy marriage. |
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webacus
Veteran
Joined: 02 Mar 2001
Posts: 608
Location: Behind you.
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| Posted: Sat Jul 06, 2002 8:12 am Post subject: |
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| L.shaw welcome! Excellent perspective. |
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Janine
Veteran
Joined: 08 May 2002
Posts: 360
Location: South Louisiana
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| Posted: Sat Jul 06, 2002 4:14 pm Post subject: |
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Welcome, L.shaw!
No, Web, my pronouncements did not deter my son from romance. It did get me more handholding, arms-about-the-shoulder, occasional hugs...  His theory being, he'd better show me what he's willing to do in front of folks, so I won't clamp down on him.
He's not in too much danger of being clamped upon... Daddy has not as tight a range of what Son can do as I have. I've an almost Josh Harris-style, "no dating 'til you're ready for mating" attitude. Mike's not so restricted about it... Our compromise is to insist on a LOT of accountability re: where they want to go, who's going to be there, what time to be back, etc., and to have lots of father/son tete-a-tetes and reality checks.
A kid can get in a lot of trouble in 5 minutes in a church or school closet, for goodness' sake! We're not going to keep them unspotted from the world by keeping them under glass... We just pray we're instilling in the children an eyes-wide-open ability to discern what is and is not useful for God in their interpersonal relationships. |
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SAM
Veteran
Joined: 03 Mar 2001
Posts: 1950
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Mon Jul 08, 2002 5:53 am Post subject: |
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The best I ever heard from a dating couple was - "If we can't do it in front of our parents, then we don't!"
There is a lot of discussion about dating and mating out there.
In other words, if you are not ready to be married, then don't date.
As for living together, I'm with Webacus on this one. Great points made! |
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Janine
Veteran
Joined: 08 May 2002
Posts: 360
Location: South Louisiana
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| Posted: Thu Jul 11, 2002 8:57 am Post subject: |
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Did you notice that could also read like this:
"If we can't do it in front of our parents, then we don't do it in front of our parents..."? :crazy: :0 :p |
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SAM
Veteran
Joined: 03 Mar 2001
Posts: 1950
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Thu Jul 11, 2002 9:26 am Post subject: |
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Janine, you are crazy! :0
You mean if we don't do it in front of mom and dad, we do it someplace else?
I guess it should have read - if it is not acceptable in front of mom and dad, then it is not acceptable at all. |
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Janine
Veteran
Joined: 08 May 2002
Posts: 360
Location: South Louisiana
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| Posted: Thu Jul 11, 2002 10:02 am Post subject: |
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| Got it! |
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