I knew I was not Crazy!

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 174

My h sent this email out tonight:

Date: Mon, 12 May 2008 22:24:43 -0500
To: Friend in VA
From: Husband
Subject: how crazy

man, my wife and daughter are going out of town tomorrow for a few days...now ole girl wants to get a room.....hmmm...why not my place

Have a great day!
I'm leaving w/ my daughter to see my son graduate from basic training.
So sad. I now have proof. All along he says I've been over reacting to his cell phone bill and they are friends. He calls the OW, ole girl.

Thank you Father for peace during this trial and briniging the darkness to light. I asked and you revealed.

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 312 Location: In Prayer

That really takes the cake that he would bring this woman into your home.

Oh my dear sister, I am so saddened for you. But, I guess you now know the full truth which is what you suspected.

Does he know that you know? What do you plan to do now?

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 174

For 2 years, although I have cell phone bills from Oct 07 to date showing all text msgs is between the two of them and 90% of the calls are between the 2 of them, that was not enough. He still claimed they like talking to each other as friends. I feel God is exposing him.

He does not know I get emails that are replied to. He does not know about the cell phone bills to date but does know I have OCT-DEC bills. He also knows I know that the OW was not working during OCT-DEC, so they had no reason to talk every day.

I also feel they have been sexually active when her h was out to sea which is why he could reject me often.

If I had been going through this 15 years ago I would have handled TOTALLY different.

There will be a time that I confront him but not now. I will take the steps I am led to take. God knows when it should happen. Meanwhile I will seek shelter in the Lord for He alone is my fortress. I’m having major surgery in July and by then he may have made his move on moving into his friend’s house.

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 312 Location: In Prayer

I wish you the best as you travel this journey with the Lord.
You are an amazing women and your strength through this is an inspiration to me.

Yes, God has a way of bringing sin into the light, doesn't he?

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 120

ladyt,

I am praying for you.

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 174

Thanks to you both. It’s nothing but the Lord's mercy and grace that I am able to stand.

As Job says:
"Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him"

When I think back to Jan and what I am now in this trial, I just want to shout. I kept trying to hold on and figure things out and try this and that to make my H pay attention to me but God said, STOP IT!

Then I began to humble myself and cry out before him. I kept praying for my marriage to be healed and my H to be broken. God still can answer both, so whatever route he wishes to take is ok with me. Its hard is an understatement, however every time I feel my flesh rising over this trial, I RUN to his Word and encourage myself in the Lord.

I know this too shall pass. If my H decides to leave again or divorce me, I'm still in good hands and will not regret it.

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 312 Location: In Prayer

Dear sister, please protect yourself. If he is intimate with her, and it seems he is, he could give you an STD.

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 174

We have only been intimate once my mistake) since his leaving us and returning. I just was examined last week. So no worries on that as it won't happen again.

I got a mother's day card and normally it is to My Wife, this year it was To the Woman I Love w/ $50. Although I like the cash, he could have had some small gift or even flowers as before. But nothing is the same as before.

We reside in separate bedrooms. I have no desire anymore to be intimate with him as long as he is in this state.

He can go months w/o touching me, so that's not a problem for him either.

resecured · Full Member Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 152

((((((ladyt))))))

My heart goes out to you!! I still get so amazed at how God works so mightily in peoples lives. I'm a firm believer that as long as we follow His word and not our own fleshly thoughts that we will be blessed beyond measure. You, dear sister, are an inspiration to all of us. Please know that there are many of us praying for you. Also for your husband to change and become as he should. Is your husband a Christian? You probably have said already, I just don't remember.

I am also praying about the major surgery you are facing in July. May God heal you quickly and give you peace and rest. Let us know how that is going,ok?

Take care and hang in there.

Luv, -RJ-

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 174

Thanks so much. The power of prayer and accepting God at His word is so awesome.

My H says he is saved however there is NO fruit to be seen. So either is is still a babe in Christ or still-born.

I am out of town and have prayed that I confront him but I am being led to beleive there will me more and he will make the move that hangs himself.

If I confront him too soon I will not accomplish anything. I feel he will leave on his own soon, without pointing the finger at me.

charity1 · Full Member Joined: 07 Jan 2008 Posts: 157

Ladyt,
My heart goes out to you. I have been where you are. I was praying fervently for guidance and wisdom and the verse, "Be still and know that I am God" kept popping into my head. I even saw it on a sign in front of a church building. I'm guessing that is the answer you are getting as well. My situation played out in a way I never would have dreamed of, but God has ways of dealing with things like this that are beyond anything we can imagine. Just wait on God and keep trusting in Him. He is in control. In the meantime you might try reading Psalm 37 to give you strength and patience. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 174

Hello,

Thanks so much each day for your prayers. Got back from a wonderful trip at 1 am this morning. My H and I had words this morning. He has now began to lock his bedroom door and informed me he was going to build a door for his office so he can lock. I dare he make structural changes to hid his affairs.

I got emotional and said he would not need a lock on any door as he would be moving.

At this point I wish he would move. He called the OW as soon as he left home at 8:05. I just do not know how much rope he needs to have. I have every cell phone bill from OCT to date and their calls and text messages are increasing by leaps and bounds. He did leave in his car while I was gone. Something he never does during the week since he has a work truck. He also talked more than 250 mins in the 2 nights I was gone. Sad

I'm ok with him moving out but I was left feeling I should confront him or at least tell the OW's husband. I told him of my major surgery and he has not asked me one question but I will need someone to have me at the hospital by 5 am and I will be in there for 3 to 4 days. I asked him if he heard me tell him I will be having major surgery and he said yes he heard.

I have to pray to keep my flesh from getting ahead but then I think maybe its God knowing I can confront him and her and her H! Not sure. Sad

resecured · Full Member Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 152

In order to tell the H of the OW, the proof you have, is it more than just them merely talking about work? Do the enormous amt. of minutes go only to her phone? What about the e-mails, are any from or to her, or mention her? If you plan on telling H (and in my opinion, he has a right to know) make sure you have indisputable proof. So they cannot merely say that they were talking about work. That you are just being paranoid. I wouldn't inform your husband should you decide to tell the OW's H. If it were me, I would want some sort of end to all of this uncertainty. I commend you for putting up with all this for as long as you have. As you know, God wants what is best for you. Again, this is me, but afterward (telling the Ow's H) I would have to confront him with everything that I knew. Get it out in the open. It's not right that you have to live with all that is going on. Again, that's just my take on it. I just know that you are a much stronger person than I am about this. Maybe you shouldn't listen to me because after I found out about my H and his wayward ways in the past, I have become somewhat of a stickler for justice. I will not allow him to ever hurt me like this again. I am doing my best to have a marriage after God's own heart, but I do have a right to protect myself. We all do. I am so praying for you, dear sister. -RJ-

fishi · Full Member Joined: 29 Feb 2008 Posts: 70

Dear ((((Lady))), my heart goes out to you.

I'm unclear what you want from your marriage relationship. You know, in your heart, based on the frequency and time of your H's contact with OW, that there is at least an emotional affair happening.

Perhaps, your husband, needs to get his highs from the chase? Chances are the OW is attached to your husband emotionally and your husband would tell you it is about the sex.

These Hs engage in what ever emotional involved the OW is looking for in order to obtain the sexual relationship.

Do you want your H's relationship with the OW to end and you and your H heal your relationship? Or are you looking to end your marriage?

Please, ask one of your friends, or family members to transport you and from the hospital. Let them know you will need emotional support, as well. You don't need to tell them why. (I've been there, done that.) This will remove the negative back and forth between you and H. Otherwise, guilting him into providing you transportation and support will only result in negative emotions, on both your parts.

Remember, "you can do all things through Christ, who strengthens you". If you rely on Christ, rather than you H (during these emotional times), your world may become much calmer.

I will wrap my arms around you to give you comforting hugs.

I hold you in my prayers for a positive result from surgery and for the outcome of your marriage and for peace of mind for you.

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 174

Hello to all,

I want my marriage ONLY if my H ends this affair. He told me on April 16th that they probably talk too much and he would stop but on his bill they talked even more since then! So he lied. If he doesn't end it then I do want out.

It has been going on for 2 years and this year is when I got proof. So I have 8 mos of cell phone bills. They talk anywhere for 5 mins to 56 mins up until midnight and on weekends. I found that even on vacation last Oct, he called her while I was in the store in La. I also found out that she was not working from Jun 07 to Dec 31st 07 so why were they still talking????

80% of his bill is her number. All 28 test messages are from her, well 20 are from her an he replied 8 times.

The straw was Tues when I saw the email that said , "My wife and daughter are going out of town tomorrow and ole girl wants to get a room...hummm but why not my place." This was so painful but at least I know. I want to confront but I feel there is more to come and I don't want to jump too soon.

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