Remarriage after Divorce? Is it right?

Jane_Doe · Newbie Joined: 04 May 2008 Posts: 23

Well as some of you know I'm having a lot of marriage issues. No, I'm not currently in a divorce. Will I be? Who knows...

But one thing Ive often argued with my family is the view on remarriage after divorce and I wanted to see if anyone else had any information/input on things.

I don't have time to include the Bible verses that I'm referencing right now,

But, the way that I read the Bible you're not supposed to get remarry after you're divorced unless your spouse dies or cheats on you. The way that I read the Bible those are the only permissible reasons that I read that you can get married again, other wise to be divorced and then marry someone else is still considered adultery? Thats how I read it and later when I have the time I'll include the Bible verses that I get that from.

But soo many people argue me that and I just thought Id get others views on it.

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 314 Location: In Prayer

When you get the time, please reference the verses you are speaking about as I think that will help me respond. There are a lot of verses in the bible regarding divorce.

Dear sister in Christ, I have also considered divorcing my husband, so much so that I met with an attorney.

Let me share with you my journey -

God put people in my life who told me - "God hates divorce."
Malachi 2:16 "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel.

Everytime the thoughts would enter my mind, God would not let me rest. It consumed my thoughts and it consumed my sleep to the point that I was exhausted. I have come to find in my life, that when I am making a decision that honors God, I will have peace and rest. When that decision does not honor Him and goes against scripture, I will be restless and feel like my world is filled with chaos.

I prayed and prayed for God to change my husband. But, what God really wanted to do was change me - my cold and hard heart toward my husband. He wanted to show me how he loved my husband and I had to be willing to listen. I had to ask Him to fill me up with the capacity to love a man who I thought was unlovable.

Once I took divorce out of my mind and out of my vocabulary and stopped threatening my husband, God started to work in me and he started to work on my husband's heart. We started the long process of counseling and healing of our marriage.

Jane_Doe · Newbie Joined: 04 May 2008 Posts: 23

Ok, Baby Cakes.

Here are those verses I was talking about. These are from the King James Version. I will try to type them exactly as the Bible reads. But Feel free to look them up and read them just to make sure I got it all right.

Matthew 19:9

And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Matthew 5:32

But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Mark 10:11 & 12

11) And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.

12) And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

Deuteronomy 24:1

1)When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.

2) And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.
3) And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;
4)Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the Lord: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the Lord thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.

_________________________________________

I think I've copied these verses down pretty exact, but I encourage anybody to look the verses up themselves to read it to make sure that I did. (I'd never want to 'mis copy' the Bible.

Also for the record Numbers 30:9-16 talks about making vows.

The reason I bring this topic up, Of course I've struggled with marriage issues myself. But I've read these verses myself in the past, and I know how I take them. Maybe there are other verses about marriage,divorce and remarriage I'm not aware of. But I feel by what I read that Its simply wrong to remarry unless your spouse has died. Even if you're divorced I feel you're still "married" and bound in Gods eyes. There are a couple other "debateable" factors that I'm not sure of, but I'll bring those up latter maybe.

But I myself, and also I have a guy friend thats a co worker. He's recently been divorced. He's 28 roughly my age and he's trying to get his life right with God but he has these same questions that I do. So I thought I'd post them for all of you to talk about with me.

Thanks.

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 179

Please read this info. It should help you:
http://www.gospelway.com/family/divorce_remarriage.php

Jane_Doe · Newbie Joined: 04 May 2008 Posts: 23

Thank you. I read through all this and it pretty much says what my feelings are on the matter.

I've had this argument with alot of my family who will agree with me that it says that ,but then say "But I don't think God would want you to be alone".
But I say, God made the rules....

I did get slightly confused toward the bottom when it got into the Fornicator having rights and all that. But I think I get it...

But again Thanks! I'm going to book mark that page and keep it for reference. I'm also going to share it with my divorced friend at work thats had all the same questions that I do, and I'm going to share it with my family that debates me on this. lol Thanks!

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 127

Jane,

Do not listen to what people tell you only listen to God.
Mans ways are not Gods ways.

Jane_Doe · Newbie Joined: 04 May 2008 Posts: 23

Elligirl,

Not just now in the present, but I've had marriage problems before. My husband and I were seperated earlier on in our marriage for six months. I've looked up verses on marriage /divorce in the past and I already had my own opinions based from what I read.

Because soo many people don't "agree" because marriage/divorce/remarriage is an "iffy" subject with a lot of people. So many people marry and divorce and remarry these days that it's become a "common thing",But I've had my own thoughts for quite sometime. Now, that I'm having marriage problems again, and while talking to a friend at work thats also just went through a divorce, we've been talking about this issue. I've shared with him how I feel, and told him that perhaps there are other verses that I hadn't yet found that may provide another alternative or justification, but based on what I've found I told him my thoughts on how I interpret things and I pretty well believe the same as the link that Ladyt, posted.

I think it's a very good wealth of information. You should check it out, the Bible verses are included with the "points". Sure every one can interpret things differently, but I feel that whoever wrote this piece on this topic, I feel pretty confident in thier explanations. They were the ones I myself shared, so it just confirms for me my own interpretations.

I really thought it was a great link, I bookmarked it so I'd have it in the future.

Thanks again Ladyt.

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 179

You're welcome.

Elligirl is correct in listening to what God says, so this is why I wanted you to have scriptures. We read the newspaper and it is what it is. The Bible is read and it is what it is.

I allowed my faith to be weakened by my trial temporarily and it was the Word of God that got me back on track but he used people from this blog who shared scripture with me beginning with SAM. Thanks SAM!

I really dislike typing on here due to the fear of being judged on how others interpret what I say. Just know I love people and I love the Lord.

If I have offended anyone, please forgive me as it is not what I set out to do. Sometimes the truth hurts. But we cannot always hear what we like and not want to hear what we don't like. My best friend tells me like it is, she does not sugar coat anything and that’s why I love her so much. She's like a mom to me. My mother died when I was 10 and had a mean stepmom later in my teen years.

There are two types of trials: 1) self-imposed and 2) God allowed. I can get through the self-imposed ones as I know what I did for that trial to occur but he God allowed ones are the heavy ones as I cannot see why he allowed but I’ve decided to trust him completely through this one and I have so much more peace than I did a week ago. God’s word changes lives and people’s hearts, if they seek it.

I found out yesterday that I have a tumor in my one remaining ovary and I have to decide when to have the surgery. Now is not a good time with teen and job issues, so I have asked God to tell me when to have this surgery. My specialist says it’s not urgent but I need to get it done.

So pray that I accept wisdom on this issue.

Jane_Doe · Newbie Joined: 04 May 2008 Posts: 23

Ladyt,

I agree. Sometimes its not the easiest of things to hear. But, it is what it is. I've had my share of marriage problems which is what led me to this board. Many times I wish I had a "second" chance to find the "right" person. Me and my husband are soo different that I think he feels cheated alot of times as do I. I think we had two different mindsets about things. But the last few days and reading this link that you gave me, I already had those feelings on the topic anyways but it just confirms it for me that much more. I think things get pretty "miserable" in marriage and I'd be no less miserable alone. So the last few days I feel like theirs just no choice but stick with it and do whatever it takes to get through this. Counseling if it takes it, time apart at times if thats what it takes. I told my husband about this message board. I told him that he should visit, as "Jon_Doe" lol Very Happy

I also sent him the link that you gave me as well as sent it to my family that I've had to debate this issue with.

Remember my sister in you guys' prayers as well. She has two young kids, and she's been divorced for two years now, and she kind of had a "guy friend" that she got interested in and was part of her leaving I think...

I try to talk to her about this "marriage/divorce/remarriage issue" and I don't get too far.

Also my friend at work that just divorced, he's only 28 and it's hard for a young guy to think about remaining single. He's a christian too. But I'd rather know what the Bible says so that I know what I should and shouldn't do as hard as it might be to hear cause we don't want anything to keep us from heaven right?

There's alot of temptation in this world, But I think if sometimes people would look at things that "tempt" them and look at it as if you had the object/ or temptation in front of you and you had God in front of you which would you choose? It's easy for all of us to fall into things, but I think it helps for us to put things into perspective if we look at in that light, as if we have two choices in front of us, and anything being choose over God, just simply isn't worth it.

Wink

km · Full Member Joined: 21 Dec 2007 Posts: 177

I was always given to understand that should one divorce with adequate grounds, then one was free to remarry.

One should always be oriented to reconciling and working to restore one's marriage - but if that should not prove possible and one has a scripturally adequate basis for a divorce, then one may do so an remarriage is an option.

rdsmith3 · Veteran Joined: 04 Oct 2006 Posts: 367 Location: NJ

I am divorced and remarried, so I am not completely objective in this case. In my case, I got divorced because my first spouse was abusive to our children. You may judge that as you wish. I subsequently re-married.

I think the link provided above was good until it got to the part in which it recommended that people who have remarried should end the marriage because we are continuing in a sin. I think that you have to consider the greater good in that case. Is it better to continue in the second marriage and try to make it something that glorifies God, or is it better to make children endure another divorce? Also, is not every marriage sanctified by God? Who has the authority to end the marriage?

I highly respect John Piper. He definitely says that remarriage after divorce is wrong as long as the ex-spouses are still alive. Here is a link to his article. He has 11 reasons why one should not re-marry after divorce, and he gives sound biblical reasons for them.
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TopicIndex/135_Divorce_and_Remarriage/1488_Divorce_and_Remarriage_A_Position_Paper/

However, notice at the end he states:

Jane_Doe · Newbie Joined: 04 May 2008 Posts: 23

I'm certainly not trying to "pass judgments". But I totally agree with that link that Ladyt sent.

I agree with all of it and I truly don't understand how it's arguable any other way. The Bible says our ways are not Gods ways and His ways our not ours, it also says His thoughts are not our thoughts and I think sometimes we have to learn to read it as it is. I'd rather know what he says and restrain from anything that may or may not jeopardize my life and my soul. Nothing is worth taking the chance on that.

I just struggle with talking about this with people lately. As much as I'd like to change the rules at times I know I can't. Things are as they are. As much as I'd like to think so, I know God doesn't change his rules even for me. I think he's a God that says what me means and means what he says.

I guess we have to follow our own convictions, and so this is mine.

rdsmith3 · Veteran Joined: 04 Oct 2006 Posts: 367 Location: NJ

charity1 · Full Member Joined: 07 Jan 2008 Posts: 189

I have to agree with Ladyt and Jane Doe. This a common problem in today's world, but if we just followed God's plan to begin with, we wouldn't have this dilemma. He made it clear from the very beginning that there was to be one man married to one woman for life. It is when we divorce for any reason other than sexual immorality (and even then I personally believe that means if the offending spouse is totally unrepentant) that gets us into this mess.

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 179

Regardless if we married or remarried for whatever reason, we chose who we chose and it is a covenant. I don't see that its continuing sin. I see it as a sin to do it and then repentance should be made once we are aware that it was a sin and then move on.

We cannot use excuses to end a 2nd or subsequent marriage. There are no loopholes.

God may not have chosen my husband but chose to marry him and God blessed the covenant we made.

So many times I hear people say God did not put us together. So are they just finding this out or chose to realize it now to use as a crutch?

Just my opinion.

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