some venting and some praying

rdsmith3 · Full Member Joined: 04 Oct 2006 Posts: 274 Location: NJ

I would appreciate if you could continue to pray for my marriage, my wife, and me.

It just seems as if there is a constant stream of incidents. Today's was a typical one.

My 14 yo son (my wife's step son) seemed to have some bug bites on his back from the weekend. When I saw him this morning (Monday) before school they were worse -- they had spread and were very itchy. My son had also said there was an outbreak of impetigo at his high school. In addition, I know that my wife is busy this week (more than usual) because she is working on Wednesday and has to do some preparations for it. She works part-time, maybe one or two days a week. I assumed that she would not have time to take our son to the doctor in the next few days.

So, with every good intention to help my wife and also address a possibly contagious skin condition, I suggested to my son that he go see the nurse at the high school. I reasoned that she should be able tell if it is impetigo, or just bug bites or poison ivy (we had been doing a lot of yard work over the weekend).

Fast forward an hour or two. My wife called me early this morning. She was outraged at me. The nurse had called and said that she did not know what the rash was, but my wife had to pick him up at school. He had to be cleared by a doctor before he was allowed back in school. I was trying to save her some time, but it ended up inconveniencing her some more.

I work an hour away, and so I was not able to get him.

As it turns out, he has none of the above. He has shingles. ouch.

Anyway, while it is reasonable for anyone to be annoyed about the unexpected change in plans, it resulted in my wife angrily shouting that she hated being married to me, and hated me (just in general), all with some obscenities thrown in. She believes that I just expect her to keep taking all the bad things in life, that I have no appreciation for her schedule and her work, and that only bad stuff comes from being married to me. She says that she is the one who always has to compromise on her schedule. I tried to tell her that I was actually trying to be considerate of her schedule, but she just kept shouting me down. At that point I told her that we should take a break from this and I had to stop the phone calls. She kept calling me back repeatedly, and I did not answer the calls. She left angry messages and also sent angry text messages to me.

Please pray that she will release her hurts from the past, and overcome her anger, bitterness and resentment. Please pray that I can be the best possible husband, loving her the way Jesus loves us. Please pray for healing in our marriage.

Thanks so much.

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 309 Location: In Prayer

I will be more than happy to keep you and your marriage in my prayers.

Oh my, RD -
I can see your heart and that you were really trying to help.

One little detail that kind of popped up at me while I read your post. Maybe you could have asked the school to call you directly at work instead of your wife. Or, made sure your son knew to have the nurse call you instead of his mom. Even though you are further away and it would be a lot more inconvenient to take time away from work, it might have saved you huge amounts of grief. Or, instead of sending him to school when you saw the pumps this morning, stayed home and took him to the doctor yourself? Hindsight is always 20/20. Very Happy

When our kids were young, I worked part-time in a very demanding job that almost seemed full time. I had to sit down with my husband and share that I felt the responsiblities for doctors and illness with the kids (sick days) fell on both of our shoulders not just me because I'm the mom. We had to take turns when they were ill or needed a doctor visit. It really isn't a matter of who works more hours a week - it's about sharing the load equally of care for the kids.

resecured · Full Member Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 102

RD

I definitely will keep you, your wife and your marriage in my prayers. I will also pray for your son. Shingles at 14, mercy. Right now, they are itching, but I understand that they will be painful later. Did the dr. give you something to put on them? Bless his heart.

-RJ-

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1858 Location: Chicago

You have been lifted up in prayer.

While I don't agree with your wife's meltdown and less than loving words, from what you've shared before, there's a lot of stuff going on in your home. Unfortunately, today must have been the icing on the cake based on her reaction.

Babycakes, you seemed to hit what I was thinking.

Dear RD, Dear Dad, Dear Husband,

Taking your son to the doctor this morning and not sending him to school would have made her fall in love with you. I know that might have meant calling in at the last minute and going into work late, or taking a sick day, but sometimes dads need to do that.

rdsmith3 · Full Member Joined: 04 Oct 2006 Posts: 274 Location: NJ

I greatly appreciate your prayers. I don't want to be defensive. I will just say that there are a number of occasions when I have taken days off from work to help my wife out or do something for her. I was not able to take off on Monday. [edit: Also, when she first called me, I offered to take him to the doctor that evening after work.] There are other times when I have taken off, gone to work late, or come home early to take one of the kids to the doctor or do something for her. I have tried to show in many ways that she is the most important person in my life, after Jesus. I don't think her anger is about what she said it was about.

I am a terrible sinner, but my heart is in trying to be obedient to God and trying to be a good husband.

j3anjean · Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 6:10 am Post subject:

I can definitely see that you are trying to be a good husband and father. Honestly, when my heart is not in the right place, I often have misinterpreted my husbands actions and intentions. There have been times when I have been stressed, at work and I am looking for a reason to argue.

I will pray for you and your wife that you may be open to giving and receiving each others love with a gentle heart. I will also pray for your son and his shingles. Ouch!

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 309 Location: In Prayer

My apologies RD for making generalized assumptions.

You seem to be trying to give it everything you can and I could only guess at what might have set your wife off. Not meaning to pound down on husbands - just a few helpful suggestions that my husband and I have had to work through regarding the kids. And, I've watched other friends struggle with similar situations.

It's hard to know sometimes what to say on the boards when not all of the details are given. So, I didn't mean that you've never done this for your son - just maybe this was one of those times to go the extra mile for her knowing the next few days were stressful ones.

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