Married to a nightmare

lostlove · Newbie Joined: 11 May 2008 Posts: 1

I have been married for 17 years. I do not have enough time or space to tell you all the details of why this marriage has been difficult. To name a few, I am married to a recovered drug addict (12 years clean) who is emotionally weak, addicted to pornography, and is hyper-sexual. I live in a nightmare. I have left many times but am drawn back because I am took weak myself to leave permanently. He is obsessed with me and I have not been able to seek outside friendships or activities that do not include him for all of these years. The biggest problem right now is the fact that I am so turned off by his porn addiction that I cannot bring myself to have any kind of intimate contact. I feel he is bringing those images into our bedroom. The fact that I won't have sex has caused him to leave. It would seem to be a blessing but he showed back up this morning wanting to know right that minute if I planned on staying with him or not because he cannot be alone. My plan is to separate and then go to intense sexual counseling and then come back together later but he cannot handle being away from me (the emotionally weak part). He has such a control over me that I began to question my plan. The hard part is that there is so much that we need to sift thorugh that being separated may be months. My question to you christian friends, should I let him come back home while we go through the counseling? I don't want a divorce. I want to fix this. But I am so tired and worn from carrying this man. I am currently working on my relationship with God. He has no relationiship and is not looking toward God. He does profess to have Jesus in his heart. My children and family think I am crazy for staying in this. Any thoughts out there?

babycakes · Posted: Sun May 11, 2008 3:36 pm Post subject:

Welcome, we are glad you have joined us at GT community.

Are your friends and family mature believers? If not, I would question the validity of Godly advice based on the following scripture -

1 Corinthians 7:12-14

12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

It's not an easy road to be a believer when your spouse is not. Usually their lack of faith has a way of dragging us down and drawing us away from our relationship with Christ. I was once there with my husband for many years. I'm so glad to hear that you are finding your way back to God. With his strength and wisdom I know you can find your way through the storm.

If your husband is willing to fully commit to intensive counseling on a continuing basis for his addiction, even in-house stay, then letting him stay may be something to pray about and consider. If he's willing to be involved with accountability - like a 12 step program called Sexual Addicts Anonymous. Maybe you should prayerfully consider letting him stay rather than separating. If he's not willing to do things under these terms, then maybe separation is something to consider.

I heard others talk about "controlled separation" here on the boards before which seems to mean bringing a third party in to negotiate the terms (usually a pastor). Hang on... let me see if I can find it for you.

Growthtrac has some wonderful items on pornography. One of the moderators has mentioned Faithful and True Ministries before.

http://www.growthtrac.com/special/pornography/

OK, I found the stuff on controlled separation for you -

http://www.growthtrac.com/boards/separation-guidelines-t854.html

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