Can Open - Worms Everywhere!!!

fishi · Full Member Joined: 29 Feb 2008 Posts: 70

RJ, I look at my husband's infidelities this way; he did and said whatever it took, at the time, to enjoy a sexual relationship with the woman of the moment. I'm sure many of these women thought they were the only other woman. They weren't, unfortunately.

I would be torturing myself to no end if I had the details. I know I would obsess over them. I wish he would be honest with me over some things that he voluntarily told me that I know to be a lie, but that may not happen, either. Time will tell.

These storms that overwhelm our hearts and hopes are far too violent, in my opinion, to be handled by frail humans. We need someone stronger, and that is The Lord. That Jesus rose and ascended to rule over ALL things gives me solid hope in the midst of life's uncertainties.

When I go home to my heavenly reward, I won't know my husband from anyone else. So, what little or big things happen while I'm here on earth are but for a short time. Some days that is what gets me through.

j3anjean · Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 7:03 am Post subject:

Today is a big day and my husband needs all the prayers he can get. Tonight, at his training meeting with the firefighters he is going to confess his affair. Many of them already know, but only thru rumor and he wants to be upfront with them-that he made a mistake, that he was wrong, that he is staying in this marriage and that if they hear any rumors to come to him directly.

The OW's stepmom came to his office yesterday. Apparently her father is concerned that my husband will make her the town pariah, or make her out to be a home wrecker. My husband said that this is his sin and he will not vilify the OW. She did not wreck our home. He just wants to upfront with his fire department.

I am in awe of his courage. I feel SO BAD for him and I wish I could take this task from him. I wish there was another way. He says he has to do this. Please, please pray for him.

FaithHopeJoy · Full Member Joined: 25 Jun 2007 Posts: 100

Dearest Jeannie

Your husband can be assured of our fervent prayers as he takes this brave but necessary step. So can you. The prayers are for both of you.

Much as you would like to shield your husband, even after all the pain you've endured, he knows - and God knows - that this confession is a stepping stone on the pathway to his restoration; a landmark on the journey towards your healed marriage. Your husband can step out boldly and face his fellow fire-fighters, in the knowledge that God will be his guide, his protector and his strength - and that you have loved him steadfastly throughout. He is a lucky man. I sense that he knows that. Cool

j3anjean · Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 12:05 pm Post subject:

I texted that scripture to him. I also saw this one James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” I think that is what he is doing. Confessing and making himself accountable.

I know he is doing the right thing and I appreciate your prayers.

I went with him to his counseling session yesterday. I like his counselor. I am so happy we found a Christian counselor. My husband is being honest with her and I really wanted to be sure of that. I didn't want him to sugarcoat anything. I know he can't get help until he is honest. The counselor says I am welcome to come back but wanted to see my husband alone next week. I think he is more open when I am not there.

I'm proud of him. I am inspired by his progress. He is a wonderful husband and I know I am where God wants me to be.

Thank you for again for your prayers.

FaithHopeJoy · Full Member Joined: 25 Jun 2007 Posts: 100

j3anjean · Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 9:29 am Post subject:

THANK YOU FOR THE PRAYERS!!
Everything went very well. My husband talked to his officers. They felt it was best for him not to tell "the whole department" He did not get very detailed with them but that is what's best. He only told them that he had stepped outside his marriage vows. He was in counseling and we were working things out. He asked that if they heard any rumors that they bring him directly to him. He was so happy with the way he was received inthat meeting that he called me up-excited and happy.

The OW's stepmother and father were concerned that she would be made out to be a homewrecker. My husband did not mention her name or anything. In fact he made it clear that this was his fault and no "home wrecking" had taken place.

Wow! I was so worried. I prayed for him all afternoon. He is such an awesome husband and he has come so far. Thank you for all of your prayers. I know that he was honest, accountable as God would have him be and God was with him in his meeting. Thank you!

resecured · Full Member Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 152

Gosh, Jeannie,

Can you even imagine the testimony you guys have right now? There is no telling whose lifes ya'll are impacting. I know you must have been praying so hard for him during the meeting. What a glorious feeling that must have been to have heard him be so excited and happy.

Yes, we are going through our own battles of being betrayed. True, they were thrusted upon us by our spouses. And yet, our spouses are going through some tough battles of their own. I found it hard to remember that at times while going through my own. I have been amazed that while I have received strength, and comfort from God, I have also rec'd compassion for my husband. I did not want to receive that at first. I was hurting too much. Now, little by little my heart is awakening to his pain somewhat. I'm not totally there yet, but at least I'm managing to go more forward than backward right now.

Has the OW's family at least recognized her part in all of this mess? Your husband was not the only one at fault here.

You're a jewel!!!! Luv ya, RJ

rdsmith3 · Veteran Joined: 04 Oct 2006 Posts: 332 Location: NJ

It is wonderful that you are saying positive, affirmative things about your husband, despite what happened. That is so important in a marriage.

j3anjean · Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 11:34 am Post subject:

My husband is my best friend. I think if we had a marriage, like so many other marriages I see among our families and friends we wouldn't have made it- we would have cut our losses. But I can't turn my back on my best friend when he is struggling. That is why God brought us together-to lift each other thru the difficult times. And...well... this certainly qualifies as a difficult time! Rolling Eyes

Believe it or not, I am starting to have a sense of humor about it. I'm not making light of it but I have been really surprised that I am getting my joy and laughter back. Yay!

I pray God can use my life, my husband's life and the struggles He has lifted us thru to reach out to someone else. I read this awesome article on another site the other day http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2008/05/195-believing-bad-times-equals-bad-us.html and it got me thinking a lot. I am learning to be grateful for this affair. It forced my husband to be honest and get his heart right with Our Father in Heaven and that is what I have always wanted for him. So I am grateful.

RJ, I am so happy that you say you are learning to have compassion for your husband. You are awesome, girl! I know how far you have come thru everything we have shared and it is wonderful that you can understand your husband's pain. Big step, honey!
As for the OW's family - to me they have said they they recognize her part in this. Her dad especially. He is more angry with her than with my husband. But it isSO complicated (aren't all these situations?!) Her dad left her mom 15 years ago for his affair partner. They are now married. This whole situation has brought up a LOT of unresolved guilt between mom, dad, stepmom and her sisters. As I said, it's complicated. I think they hold her MORE responsible because of it. I honestly, feel bad for her. I know why she did what she did and it breaks my heart. My husband is a dear friend of her dad's. He always says he wished my husband was his son. She told me that when she and my husband became friends she built up this fantasy in her head. Her dad would have the perfect son in law, her son would have a wonderful stepfather, she would have the man of her dreams- she says she saw how he treated me and wanted that in her life Question

Now she know that was impossible. I prayed for her a lot yesterday too. I knew that when my husband told his officers that it may put an ugly spotlight on her. I don't want that to happen. Mercy! She was just hurting and alone and thought she could drop into this fantasy land and everything would be perfect. It backfired and I know that must hurt a lot.

Anyway, I've rambled on enough. If you can, say a prayer for her too. I know she needs it!

resecured · Full Member Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 152

(((((Jeannie)))))

Again, you are an inspiration. When I read your post, I just shook my head. Not many spouses would ask for prayer for the OW. What exactly would you like us to pray for her?

I had always wondered why God had allowed me to marry my husband if HE knew all this was going to happen down the road. HE knew that when my husband finally became broken, he would need someone who would be willing to listen to God and stay in the marriage. It's not easy by any means to be suffering in your own sorrows, but still see and reach through that pain to help your spouse. I think this has really amazed my husband. He sees God loving him, forgiving him, having mercy on him, through me. Not that I have done anything on my own. My strength comes from HIM alone.

I never would have ever believed I would have said I was grateful for all this coming to light. But now, at least we have a true marriage. It has been laid bare. Exposed for what it really was. Ugly, repulsive, offensive, deceitful, and damaging. Hopefully, now we can have the marriage as God intended. One that is faithful, loving, honest, dependable, and beautiful. It will not come easy or overnight. Nothing worthwhile ever does. I'm just glad we are not still in that false marriage anymore. Hopefully we have both experienced lessons learned.

Jeannie, you are a treasure. In more ways than one, dear sister.

Luv ya, RJ

j3anjean · Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 6:22 am Post subject:

Just pray for her to have peace. For this whole situation to bring her to a place where she can find her way back to God's love. Pray that she'll see the value inside of herself. Please pray that she will build and repair her relationship with her earthly father. Pray that others will not speak badly of her, but will instead, want to help her get her life on track.

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