Too much video games!!!!

youngwife · Newbie Joined: 20 Mar 2008 Posts: 1

I am 21 and married, but have a big problem. My husband plays the playstation 3 game constantly!!!! I feel like we never get to spend any time together. He goes to school, comes home, plays a game, goes to work, comes home and plays the game until 2 and 3 o'clock in the morning! I ask him politey, why don't we go out and do something as a couple, but he refuses! But this weekend he is going to get his brother so they can play the game all weekend while i am at work!

I have tried my hardest to talk to him but he will block me out and will not listen, and if he does he will get really defensive and say that it's just a game and that i'm nagging and that i'm not his mother, and that atleast he's home and doesn't drink or party or cheat or out all night! and keeps right on playing. he's says i'm not going to take away the only thing he has fun to do. he does not believe in moderation.

the other day i was sick, he came straight home and went back to the game room and played all night! then comes back to the bedroom and hugs me and apologizzes and hugging me knowing he'll do it again, and me sick. didn't check on me once! Yes i am so bitter and angry but i am trying to pray about it and keep my anger in check. it's really hard. So nothing works, period! Do i just let him paly constantly and stay inn ahouse where it feels as if i'm not important and feel as if i'm living with a roomate instaed of a loving husband! Crying or Very sad

help

heartbroken[/b]

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1990 Location: Chicago

I married at the age of 19 and sometimes it's hard to forget "I" and think about "we".

I know my husband needs an outlet to relieve stress and it's usually time spent on the computer. But, there needs to be a compromise between "his" time and "we time".

Hubby obviously is not listening to your feelings about this matter and how important it is to you. And, when you feel you are going around and around in circles on an issue and not getting anywhere, it means it's time for a marriage tune-up. This means getting someone to help you work out this issue. So, make an appointment with your pastor or a marriage counselor. It's the wise and healthy thing to do and will bring strength to your relationship.

Sometimes, I've found in my marriage that my husband will feel things are going along just fine unless I sit with him face-to-face and say, "I'm miserable about this situation and we are not working it out on our own - time for some help. This is affecting our relationship." He's always been more than willing to go along if I do not attack him and work on it in a way that will improve things for both of us. I've also come to realize through counseling, that we both need to spend time with friends - separately. And, that we need to have outside interests other than each other. However, there has to be a balance that we both agree to.

I guess the question I would ask, "what's more important - time with me in the evening, some sex and romance, or your games?" If he waivers in his answer - then maybe he is at a point of moderate to severe gaming addiction.

Can you spend time playing with him and enjoy a level of enjoyment together? Even if it's not your favorite thing to do, you are spending time doing something he loves to do.

Addiction Warning Signs

According to the Center for On-Line Addiction, warning signs for game addiction include:

- Playing for increasing amounts of time

- Thinking about gaming during other activities

- Gaming to escape from real-life problems, anxiety, or depression

- Lying to friends and family to conceal gaming

- Feeling irritable when trying to cut down on gaming

In addition, gaming addicts tend to become isolated, dropping out of their social networks and giving up other hobbies. It’s about somebody who has completely withdrawn from other activities.

The overwhelming majority of video game addicts are males under 30.

If you’re concerned someone you love may be addicted to games don’t dismiss it as a phase. Keep good documents of the gaming behavior, including:

- Keep a log of when he plays and for how long

- Problems resulting from gaming - relationally

- How they reacts to time limits and if other responsibilities are forgotten.

- Being late for family functions or appointments because of gaming.

- Is it affecting getting to work on time, or losing jobs because they cannot function during the day.

You need to document the severity of the problem. Don’t delay seeking professional help; if there is a problem, it will probably only get worse.

The toughest part of treating gaming addicts is that it’s a little bit more difficult to show somebody they’re in trouble. The key is to show gamers they are powerless over their addiction, and then teach them “real-life excitement as opposed to gaming excitement.”

I've lifted you and your marriage up in prayer and pray you can get the help you need.

webacus · Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 2:38 pm Post subject:

You are not overreacting. If his behavior is hurting
you-- then it is an issue.

Two things.

First, I believe he's not transitioning from 'single guy',
to 'husband'.

And it sounds like he's hooked on video games.

Do you have a third party you both can talk to? (Not a parent.)
Counselor? Would he agree to that?

SusieQ · Newbie Joined: 28 Dec 2006 Posts: 23

Dear youngwife,

I'm in a similar situation except my bf is a lot older and should know better. Part of this, as the others have said, is due to your husband's age and he's still operating in "I" mode and not "we" mode.

What I've been trying to do is focus as much as possible on my relationship with God, depending on him to fulfill my needs. You do have a right to be concerned and I know that it hurts to be ignored and sometimes when our needs aren't met by those we love we feel that we don't matter, that we are lacking somehow. Know this - that you are a precious in the sight of God and there is nothing wrong with you. Do your part, ask God to bless your husband and God will deal with him.

I was married for 21 years and one thing my ex suggested early in our marriage is that we have a code phrase. When one of us said "I need you" we knew that we needed to stop what we were doing and sit and listen to each other, spend time with one another. Ask God to open the door for you to talk to your husband about this issue and that He would prepare his heart to hear what you have to say, and maybe you could come up with some code word or phrase to use.

I hope this helps and I pray that your situation improves soon.

Jane_Doe · Newbie Joined: 04 May 2008 Posts: 23

I have similar issues. My husband is 28 about to turn 29 and also still does the video game stuff. He takes spells where he will play it for hours on end when he's into a certain game or something. But, My big issue is my husbands hobbies. My husband is a huge comic book collector. He collects this stuff by the hundreds or thousands. From books to figures, to mini figures. I learned a few months ago when reviewing last years bank statements he's spent 4,000 plus on this stuff last year alone. A large portion of that was done on an account I knew nothing about. My husband is sooooo absorbed into his hobbies that it's crazy. He takes it to and obsession in my opinion. He's almost 30 don't you guys feel that there is a time people needs to grow out of things.

I could go into more detail about the impact this has on our marriage but there's just not enough time.

Also, while we're on the subject of "gaming" How do you all as christians feel about the Dungeons and Dragons game? My husband and I are both christians and he's into this game big time and I just dont think it's right but he will have it no other way....

I'm going to start another thread about this topic. But whats you guys' opinion.

SusieQ · Newbie Joined: 28 Dec 2006 Posts: 23

Wow... $4,000 in one year, that's a lot of money, averaging $333 per month. I think it's good to have hobbies, I have hobbies of my own, but I think spending that much money on a hobby, from a bank account that you knew nothing about, isn't good. It does seem excessive to spend that much money on a hobby, almost like an addiction. Do you think that he's using his hobby as an "escape", so he doesn't have to deal with issues?

As far as the Dungeons and Dragons game, when my 3 older kids were younger I wouldn't let them play that game or any game that was violent. But, he is almost 29, not a kid, so there's not much you can do but pray that God would speak to his heart.

Jane_Doe · Newbie Joined: 04 May 2008 Posts: 23

Yes I do. I don't think he sees it, I don't think his family sees it but yes I think he's very obsessed with his hobbies.
I don't think they or he realizes how much he is consumed in time and how much his personality and out look on things are influenced I think by this stuff.

I got mad once and tore up one of his comic books. Just one out of probably thousands that he has. And he told me that my whole family should be destroyed....

Now you tell me if thats a healthy connection to one's hobbies?

SusieQ · Newbie Joined: 28 Dec 2006 Posts: 23

No, it doesn't sound healthy at all.

Did you see SAM's reply to "Youngwife"? (look above your posting). It's very good. Maybe she would have some advice for you and where to look for help. I've never dealt with anyone that "into" their hobbies so I don't know any resources that might be available.

I can pray though that God would speak to your husband's heart and help you to deal with all this Smile

	Growthtrac Community Forum Index -> Emotional Needs	All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Page 1 of 1