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babycakes
Full Member
Joined: 06 Mar 2006
Posts: 280
Location: In Prayer
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 Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 4:58 pm Post subject: |
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Hi there - I was reading through your previous posts and thought I would jump in.
I would call her counselor for guidance on this before you make a decision together. I think you mentioned she is seeing one. What will the next week accomplish for you or for her?
She needs to stay with you and your wife because your step-daughter is not her parent and may have a very different set of rules/consequences.
It almost seems like she gets to be rewarded for something she never should have done in the first place. |
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rdsmith3
Full Member
Joined: 04 Oct 2006
Posts: 250
Location: NJ
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 9:58 am Post subject: |
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| SAM wrote: | | Quote: | | They both put me in the middle of things that there is no way that I can win. |
This is probably where your wife gets the angriest with you. There is no middle ground. It's agreeing with your wife's decisions in front of the kids, even if you feel she is dead wrong. And, if you make a decision, your wife has to back you up in front of the kids. Your kids cannot see or be witness to your disagreements with your wife. That is to be discussed with your wife behind closed doors.
There is a power struggle in your home - and your kids knows it. You and your wife have to drape your backs in the humility and grace of Christ.
Galatians 5:22-26
22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!
24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. 25 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. 26 Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.
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SAM is really on the money here. In our step-family situation, the biggest mistake I made was to be a fence-sitter. I wanted to be a "peace keeper" rather than a "peace maker". I wanted to smooth things over with my wife, and also with my oldest son (her step son) who was causing some serious issues in our family. I finally got some good counseling, and my eyes were opened to my sin.
The correct Biblical hierarchy is that the husband and wife must be aligned and united. The marital relationship is a priority over the parent child relationship, and I was not always getting this right.
If you have disagreements, do not discuss them in front of the kids. |
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heelsfan
Newbie
Joined: 01 May 2008
Posts: 8
Location: Lexington, NC
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 8:06 pm Post subject: |
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It's been a few days since I've been here. A lot has been going on. I know that Satan is trying his best to tear me down. I need all the prayer I can get.
Things with my daughter seem to be going better. My wife has decided that she is going to take that job transfer in another city and is moving out this Sunday. I'm so torn up right now I don't know what to do. There is nothing I can do but pray and put it in God's hands. I am a so confused. She has said that she hopes we can get things back with her gone. I told her I didn't know if I could do that. I can't sit around here and hope everyday that she will want to come back. I would only be prolonging the pain. I hope that would be the case more than anything but I just can do it. The confusing thing is, I feel like I'm giving up on faith. I know in my heart that God can do anything. I pray that his will be done. I don't know what is the right thing to do in this situation. When she walks out the door Sunday, do I give up on her as my wife. Her moving to another city and giving up her job is huge. If she truly hoped that we could get things back, would she have chosen to go to another city? She wanted to know if she could still call and text me. How do I handle that? I'm doing real good with it at the moment. I know it Satan trying to jump in here because the anger is trying so hard to come out. I've done really well keeping it in check. I've been praying like you wouldn't believe and it's not a prayer of please make or stay or anything like that. It really is that God's will be done and He be with us all. Please, any advice or comment would be appreciated. |
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rdsmith3
Full Member
Joined: 04 Oct 2006
Posts: 250
Location: NJ
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| Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 6:38 am Post subject: |
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| heelsfan wrote: | It's been a few days since I've been here. A lot has been going on. I know that Satan is trying his best to tear me down. I need all the prayer I can get.
Things with my daughter seem to be going better. My wife has decided that she is going to take that job transfer in another city and is moving out this Sunday. |
I am really sorry to hear that.
| heelsfan wrote: | | I'm so torn up right now I don't know what to do. |
Do you have any male friends or a pastor with whom you can talk to help you through this difficult period?
| heelsfan wrote: | | There is nothing I can do but pray and put it in God's hands. |
Yes, and I pray for you also.
| heelsfan wrote: | | I can't sit around here and hope everyday that she will want to come back. I would only be prolonging the pain. I hope that would be the case more than anything but I just can do it. The confusing thing is, I feel like I'm giving up on faith. I know in my heart that God can do anything. I pray that his will be done. |
You can do this, with God's help. If you read the Bible, you know that His will is for a married couple to stay together. As much as it depends on you, and with God's grace, you should strive to do this.
| heelsfan wrote: | | I don't know what is the right thing to do in this situation. When she walks out the door Sunday, do I give up on her as my wife. |
I think you do know the right thing to do, and that you should not give up on her as your wife.
| heelsfan wrote: | | Her moving to another city and giving up her job is huge. If she truly hoped that we could get things back, would she have chosen to go to another city? |
She is confused, also, and perhaps believing satan's lies. Pray that her eyes are opened to God's will for her life and your marriage.
| heelsfan wrote: | | She wanted to know if she could still call and text me. How do I handle that? |
You should be open to all communication, because keeping open the lines of communication means there is still a chance for the marriage.
| heelsfan wrote: | | I'm doing real good with it at the moment. I know it Satan trying to jump in here because the anger is trying so hard to come out. I've done really well keeping it in check. I've been praying like you wouldn't believe and it's not a prayer of please make or stay or anything like that. It really is that God's will be done and He be with us all. Please, any advice or comment would be appreciated. |
It sounds like you are approaching this the right way. Don't give up. Don't stop praying. |
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