Wives being submissive

angieboop · Newbie Joined: 02 Jan 2008 Posts: 1

Hey everyone I have been married 9 years now and I still seem to struggle with the whole submission thing. I am very outspoken and I have a hard time not being that way. I am 26 and my husband is 31. Does anyone else stuggle with this area. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1862 Location: Chicago

Oh, you've picked a very hot topic that many Christian woman, as well as men, struggle with. Yes, submission is one that has taken me a long time to grasp.

I was a believer for two years before my husband became one. For a period of about five years, God put me in the role of spiritually leading the home and of course, that meant I submitted to no one - not even God many times. Once my husband became a believer, I wasn't very willing to turn over my role. Sad

We can go through a bunch of scripture on this, which gets everyone all heated up. But, I think the one that speaks volumes above the others is:

Ephesians 5:21
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

What I learned awhile ago and was a cause of my husband and I butting heads was, I didn't trust God or Him to lead my home - submitting to each other wasn't something I was willing to do.

What God had to show me when we were preparing to teach a group at church was, when it came to a final decision on our talk, I had to trust my husband that God was working through him, teaching him and leading him to do the right things. When he felt strongly about a paragraph or a scripture that he wanted to include- I could continue to argue my point and try and convince my husband that I felt God was speaking to me more than He was my husband. That was pretty presumptous on my part. What I really had to contemplate was submitting myself to the Lord and in doing so, I was willing to also submit myself to my husband in the process.

God puts a husband in a role of "head" of the home as Christ is the "head" of the church. - Ephesians 5:23 - Notice it does not say "leader" of the home - it says "head". Nowhere in scripture can I find where it says, Christ is the "leader" of the church, dictator, end all of be all when it comes to decisions, etc. It's because Christ was the ultimate servant... and that's what he calls us to do in marriage - serve and meet the needs of the other before thinking about yourself. In doing so, you submit yourself to the Lord and to each other.

Hope that helps some.

rdsmith3 · Full Member Joined: 04 Oct 2006 Posts: 274 Location: NJ

As a husband, the way I believe I am supposed to look at this is that I have a responsibility to love my wife the same way that Jesus loves the church. That is an incredible standard that I have to live up to! What's more, has Jesus ever told you what to do? Jesus does not bully people to follow His commands. However, if I love Jesus, and if I want everlasting rewards, then I will submit to Him and obey Him. It is something that I strive to do because I have reverence and love for Him, not because He forces me to do it.

Jane_Doe · Newbie Joined: 04 May 2008 Posts: 20

Yeah I have a problem with this one too....As you may read through alot of my topics on here I have lots of issues with my husband.

But I know I'm not submissive and I really don't know how to be or if I can. I have no respect for my husband as a husband and as a man. In my eyes there is no leadership or "manly roles" that he assumes in our household. He has a decent job, but thats the ONLY sine of security he provides for me.

We're both supposed to be christians but even there I have my questions about his ideals about things.

Is it wrong to not be submissive in certain circumstances?

No offence guys, but with some men why would God want us to be submissive to them?

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 309 Location: In Prayer

There is an awesome book by Emmerson Eggerichs called Love and Respect that turned my marriage around where submission is concerned.

The first sentence in Ephesians 5:21 says -
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

God convicted my heart that I wasn't willing to submit my life in full obedience to Christ. This meant loving my husband no matter what his actions were, because that's how Christ loves my husband.

SAM posted something the other day that pierced me deeply - The spiritual temperature of my home is also my responsibility. I need to walk beside my husband, not sit beside him, waiting for spiritual maturity to happen in our marriage and home.

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