charity1
Full Member
Joined: 07 Jan 2008
Posts: 120
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 Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 11:36 am Post subject: |
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Empty Shell of a Man,
I can relate to where you are coming from. I am a woman, but I, too, was concerned about what people might think. I was afraid they would think I was a nag and not the person I appeared to be, or worse yet that I wasn't there for my husband physically so he had to go somewhere else. Neither of these things were true. As I began to study God's word and pray, it became very plain that the problem was not with me but with my husband. This was a flaw in his character. It was not about me. I finally began to realize, what I have known all my life but never processed, that I am made in God's image. I am who God made me to be. As long as I am living according to His word, I have nothing to be ashamed of. I also came to realize that pride is just as much a sin as adultery is. That was a real eye-opener for me. It was a good thing I realized this because my husband's sin became public knowledge. By that time I can honestly say I wasn't even embarrassed. In my case, I know the OW's husband. I know he was trying to be a good husband. Neither I nor the OW's husband were perfect, but neither were our spouses. From what I can tell, people empathize with mine and the OW's husband's pain. They don't seem to look down on either one of us. I think they realize this could have happened to them. Please realize that your marriage is much more important than what people may think or say. If word got out you were seeing a counselor, it might not be such a bad thing. The people you are concerned about may be the very ones who would seek you out and tell you how much they admire your strength and forgiving spirit. This has happened to me, and I used that opportunity to give God the glory. I told them this is too big for me, I had to turn it over to God. This is our opportunity to let our light shine before men. Keep your chin up. God has promised He will never leave us or forsake us. We have nothing to fear. If God is for us, who can be against us?? |
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FaithHopeJoy
Full Member
Joined: 25 Jun 2007
Posts: 86
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| Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 5:57 pm Post subject: |
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Empty Shell of a Man
It is agonising to read your posts. I hope you realise why your situation came to mind when I read the following:
| Quote: | Some people are so focused on their hurts that they almost become 'unteachable'. They see 'proof' for their point of view and are not willing to look at things from a new perspective. For example:
1. They may be exhausted from doing much, much more than God would want them to do.
2. They may be unwilling to see that they have developed a 'martyr's complex'.
3. They may have put so much energy into a situation that they don't want to look at the possibility that they approached it incorrectly.
4. They may be so aware of others' faults that they are blinded to their own failings.
5. They may feel a compulsive 'need' to do things that cause themselves distress. |
This extract is taken from the website of a Christian counsellor who focuses on Bible-based strategies for dealing with depression, hurt feelings, self-pity, and so on: http://www.dougbrittonbooks.com/christianbibleadvicebooks/christianbiblebookhurtfeelingsselfpity.asp
If counselling face-to-face and locally is not feasible for you, prayerfully consider seeking the help you need by another means - as others have also advised. It could be the most constructive thing you do for your marriage.
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