Stupid Man

heisrisen · Newbie Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 4

That would be I that I am referring to.

Because of my pride and sin (pornography, harsh words, aggressive reactions, passive-aggressiveness, lack of love, etc), I have not seen my wife since November.

All I know is that her Mom says that she does not want to divorce me. That gives me hope, however, I have not spoken to her since November. I know not where she lives or her contact no. I have destroyed her trust.

I have been through a revelatory change in recent months and am a reformed character ready to love my wife the way Christ loved his church.

Please pray that God will touch her heart to reconcile our marriage. I know that she still loves me, but she is just too hurt at the moment and she is running and running.

I miss her more than words could ever possess. On top of that, I am thousands of miles away from her in England.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1846 Location: Chicago

Welcome - we are glad that you have come to GT community.

Well, that is good that you recognize that you have made huge mistakes in your marriage. I once heard a man talk about his wife as though she was a fine bone china cup and saucer - and how he gently and carefully had to take care of her.

So, what steps are you taking to deal with all of the things so that this stuff never happens again? Because, if you are able to reconcile, she will protect her heart to make sure it doesn't get hurt again. When a woman is deeply wounded, she usually runs as far away from the pain as she can.

You will need to prove to her over and over and over again that you are not the same man you used to be.

I have lifted you and your marriage up in prayer.

Two books to consider reading - one to make you a better husband and the other to grow you closer to God.

The Divine Mentor by Wayne Cordiero
Every Man's Marriage by Stephen Arterburn

heisrisen · Newbie Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 4

Thankyou Sam. As of this moment, she's running from everything. From me, from God, from every Christian that knows her. She's drinking heavily and smoking and has listed herself on Myspace as single.

She has no intentions of divorcing me, of course. at this point, I'm more concerned about her safety as she's going off the rails at an alarming pace.

I have been free of pornography since August. I am a member of various anti-porn websites and have accountability partners all over the place.

At this point, she's running too far and too hard to see if I have changed at all. This has been a reoccurring pattern in her life.

She still loves me, I know, but it's hard to see

resecured · Full Member Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 82

I will be praying so hard for you and your wife. I have to say that I understand your wife's side of things. We, who have been betrayed, do tend to want to run as far away as we can from the person who has hurt us. What is so hard is the fact that this person is our own husband. The one we have trusted with our hearts and lives. Ya'll have become such strangers to us. Even those of us who lean on the Lord, have difficult days trying to understand and heal. My heart goes out to your wife for she is running from and not to God. How so alone she must feel. This business is so isolating. I wish with all my heart she could find Growthtrac. This site has helped so many of us because we understand her feelings and uncertainties. We each receive such biblical wisdom and just plain truth from others who are hurting just like us, or from others whose ministry it is to guide with God's Word. You will need to show her constantly by your actions that you have changed. Any words you speak must be upheld by your actions. This will not be dealt with in a short period of time. It could possibly take years. It has to be hard to be so far away from each other.

This will be the hardest fight of your life. Please do not grow wreary. The fact that she does not want to divorce you is a glimmer of hope. She has so many mixed emotions right now. I pray she can turn to God and let Him comfort her. She so desperately needs His strength. You do too. Just know that we will be praying for you both. -RJ-

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1846 Location: Chicago

It's not uncommon to want to run from our pain. Most of us do unfortunately.

I'm sure you have been looking for her forgiveness and it's possible, God may be asking your to forgive her more. She's hurt... and she probably wants you to feel her pain and more. So, it seems she is doing everything she can to make that happen.

Please consider picking up the books -

Power of a Praying Husband by Stormie O'Martian
Every Man's Marriage by Stephen Arterburn

I believe they will help you out tremendously.

In the meantime, I will continue to lift you and your marriage up in prayer.

Colossians 3:12
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

heisrisen · Newbie Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 4

Thanks for the book tips.

I forgive her completely, already. I'm willing to do anything and everything to get her back. It may be possible that she might be running in such a way to try and make me feel her pain.

More than anything, I feel like I need her forgiveness. I just keep praying that she may be led to do that.

When she's ready, I willing to show her all the kindest actions and loving words that she needs.

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 138

I just learned that my husband has been creating email accounts to make it appear like he was communicating with this OW. Yes, they talk on the phone but he allowed me to think he was the OW.

He sent emails from this account to himself and even spoke harshly about me, knowing I would read the email. I think he is disturbed. The OW thinks I am; this is a shocker to me.

Please pray for his mental being. He may be on the edge of a mental breakdown. He said in his email that he has numerous email accounts with fictitious names. He says things in the emails to make me think he is dealing with the OW on email as well as via cell. Cell records do not lie but an email address can come from anywhere.

He is ill. Please pray he recognizes this and seeks help.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1846 Location: Chicago

Unfortunately, I think it have more to do with control and manipulation than it does stupidity.

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 138

It is stupid but I am shcoked that he would do such a evil thing! You have to be mentally challenged to do something like this for the sake of hurting the person you suppose to love.

I'm SHOCKED to learn it was not OW's email address.

j3anjean · Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 11:57 am Post subject:

I may be out of line here, but it seems both you, Ladyt and your husbnad have been "feeding the monster" so to speak. Your dealings with your husband have been below the board and quite questionable. You have hacked into his phone bill, email accounts and even become violent/aggressive when you hit his work vehicle with a hammer. You rail against his dishonesty, while you are not truthful about your "investigation." Those are not acts of a person who is trusting God. They are the acts of an unethical private investigator/bounty hunter. He is feeding your insecurities and underhanded techniques by giving you something to look for and shaking the foundation of your trust.

I am praying for you both. In my opinion, you need to hand this off to God. Though your intentions may be good, they are proving to be destructive.

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 138

Thanks Jeannie,

I can appreciate and understand what you are thinking.

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 83

heisrisen,

I will pray for both you and your wife. I know the pain she is going through. My prayer for you is that you can see your wife as she is. My prayer for her is that you can be what she needs to see.
My husband is living with another woman. If I get hurt and have a reaction to this which shows him I'm hurting he acts sooooooooooooooooo
disappointed in me and says "I thought and hoped you would be strong for me through this"

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