RELATIONSHIPS AFTER MARRIAGE

candicepayne · Newbie Joined: 12 Nov 2006 Posts: 6

IF YOUR WIFE ASKS YOU TO NOT GO TO CERTAIN PLACES WITH FRIENDS BECAUSE YOUR EX-LOVER IS ALWAYS AROUND THAT CROWD, IS THAT SAYING YOUR WIFE IS INSECURE? I JUST FEEL THAT WHEN THAT PART OF YOUR LIFE IS OVER, IT'S JUST OVER. WHY DO YOU WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE AND ALWAYS SEE THAT PERSON? ESPECIALLY SINCE YOUR WIFE HAS EXPRESSED DISCOMFORT AT THE THOUGHT OF HER HUSBAND ALWAYS BEING IN THE PRESENCE OF AN EX-LOVER. EVEN IF THE WIFE IS INSECURE, THE BIBLE SAYS FOR HUSBANDS AND WIVES TO SUBMIT ONE TO ANOTHER....RIGHT????? SO WHETHER THE WIFE IS WRONG OR RIGHT, SHE HAS MADE A REQUEST TO HER HUSBAND AND HE SHOULD HONOR THAT RIGHT?????

webacus · Posted: Sun Nov 12, 2006 9:03 pm Post subject:

Hi Candice, welcome.

If you're asking if a husband should honor
his wife's request not to be around
a past relationship?

My answer is yes, he should.

A wife is not insecure for
making that request.

The bible also says you should avoid the
appearance of sin. In other words, perception counts.

Whether or not the concern is valid in his eyes—
it is a valid concern to her. If he wants to be trusted,
and if he wants to love and honor her, he should
steer clear of that activity

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 307 Location: In Prayer

I ditto what Webacus said.

candicepayne · Newbie Joined: 12 Nov 2006 Posts: 6

I agree with you as well. It was a topic that came up and I wanted other opinions. The problem is the husband has been friends with these people for 10+ years and seems to can't let go. He doesn't associate with the ex-lover but the fact that she is in the midst stills offends the wife. The others are fine, it's just when the ex is around. He's advised his wife not to go when there are events if she is uncomfortable...but she doesn't want him to go as well. He doesn't honor that because he feels she is insecure. Now whether that is the case or not, it doesn't matter. If she's uncomfortable with it, don't do it. Now if a wife is insecure then a husband really shouldn't do it because it will cause more problems.

[b]Webacus: You said the bible said avoid the appearance of sin...Can you tell me where that is found? I'd love to pass that along...[/b]

Thanks for your opinion and I totally agree.

webacus · Posted: Mon Nov 13, 2006 10:34 am Post subject:

Sure.

1 Thessalonians 5:21-22 (New Life Version)
Test everything and do not let good things get away from you. Keep away from everything that even looks like sin

Proverbs 16:17 (New International Version)
The highway of the upright avoids evil; he who guards his way guards his
life.

Proverbs 4:14-15 (New International Version)
Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evil men.
Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way.

Test everything, hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil. Avoid even the hint of sin.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1846 Location: Chicago

The message he is sending his wife is - "your feelings are ridiculous and my friends mean more to me than you do".

It has nothing to do with her insecurities but everything to do with putting "protective hedges" around her marriage.

One more thing -
Flip the scenario. He would not like her being around an ex-lover, I can guarantee it.

candicepayne · Newbie Joined: 12 Nov 2006 Posts: 6

I totall agree Sam because now the wife feels that the vows were made with condition...Meaning, we will submit one to another but I do what I want to do. If it was flipped he would hate it but the wife (before marriage) got rid of all male friends or any friends who had association with ex-lovers. I feel like being around those people can bring up spirits and we all know how the enemy loves to play mind games. He says she makes him feel like he needs to have a babysitter when he goes around these people. But if they were truly his friends, they would understand. The wife tried to compromise and say get together with the other friends at a time when he knows for sure that the ex-lover is unable to attend. I felt like she didn't have to compromise at all but it was for him. She put up with it but now she's uncomfortable...POINT BLANK!!! He should respect it. Thanks because I wanted a man's point of view!!!

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1846 Location: Chicago

Webacus is the guy around here.
SAM is a woman.

candicepayne · Newbie Joined: 12 Nov 2006 Posts: 6

OOooops, my apologies! But I'm still glad I got the opinion of a man!!!

webacus · Posted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 7:55 am Post subject:

The yellow birdie would be a clue Smile

rdsmith3 · Full Member Joined: 04 Oct 2006 Posts: 269 Location: NJ

jamielynn33 · Newbie Joined: 28 Aug 2005 Posts: 2

I think he should follow his wifes wishes if he wants to stay on her good side. because when he gets on her bad side he will have to pay..

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