Question for the ladies

mitch45 · Newbie Joined: 25 Nov 2002 Posts: 5

Hello
First I will give some background. I am seperated (since end of Oct.), from the, love of my life. The separation came about because I was in depression and I had started drinking too much and became insecure to the point where I asked her if she was looking to get out of relationship. I have since found Jesus asked for forgiveness, joined a 12 step program and quit drinking, I am getting individual counselling as well as group, Christian counsel with my Pastor, and am on medication for clinical depression.
My spouse is a christian woman but is not attending church at the moment that I know of. She is angry with me and does not want any contact at the moment, although she gives me access to her children (my stepchildren). She has told me it is over and does not want to reconcile that she wants it to be just her and her children for now, she is tired of feeling like she is walking on eggshells.
I am praying for God to be with her, I pray that we can be reconciled. My question is this, given everthing she has said to me should I continue to hope that she will reconsider. I am not good at reading what a woman says and what she means. I sometimes try to read between the lines. I would appreciate a womans point of view on this, although any and all responses would be appreciated.

Thank You
Yours in Christ
Mitch

Wynne · Full Member Joined: 03 Dec 2002 Posts: 109 Location: USA

How long were the two of you married? What ages were the children when they first entered that stepfather/stepchild relationship with you? These are two factors that would be vital to me, were I in her position.

Two points of approach that seem important to me, even not knowing the answers to the two questions above, are that you continue in a prayerful attitude of courtship, and that you stay connected to a Bible-following church.

Will she attend worship services or Bible studies with you?

mitch45 · Newbie Joined: 25 Nov 2002 Posts: 5

Wynne
We were together just over 2 yrs, at the time I met her her children were, Joey (boy) 4, and Kelly (girl) 6. I attend church regularly, and in bible study with the Pastor. At this time she is not attending church, and no i do not believe she would come with me.
Mitch

tanza · Full Member Joined: 30 Jul 2002 Posts: 76

To add to what Wynne said...

How long were you struggling w/depression and alcohol? It will probably take double the time (if not longer...) for her to heal.

My suggestion (with the idea that it is God's wish for your marraige to be healed) would be to give her space and time to heal... but to keep pursing the mending of your relationship in prayer and counselling. If it were me...I would be watching and waiting to see if you had really changed. And when you believe she might be softening (the Holy Spirit has a way of doing this to us gals even when we SO want to stay angry) let her know that you are open to courting and taking it slow.

I don't believe any marraige is beyond hope... will be praying for you.

mitch45 · Newbie Joined: 25 Nov 2002 Posts: 5

Tanza
I believe the depression has been coming on for about a year, stronger in past 6 mo.s, the alcohol has been a problem for her for a while. I quit for 7yrs then went back to it for 4 yrs. not like I used to but believe it messes up my thought procees and emotional well being. I think my drinking has bothered her for a while, but only in the last 3-4 mo.s where it became a worry that i was becoming dependant on it. When we split she told me " Mitch get some help, I cannot imagine living with the turmoil inside you", she also used to tell me I needed to recognise the value I brought to the relationship.
Thank You God Bless
Mitch

Janine · Posted: Sat Dec 28, 2002 6:40 pm Post subject:

Hello, Mitch Smile

You said:

Quote:

When we split she told me " Mitch get some help, I cannot imagine living with the turmoil inside you", she also used to tell me I needed to recognise the value I brought to the relationship.

If that's basically the last thing she said, so to speak, it sounds hopeful to me. She had deep thoughts about the relationship and about you.

The two of you were together during very important years for the children, I can see why she lets you see the kids.

Keep consistent in your prayer life, your independent/personal Bible study, and attending your worship assemblies.

See if she will meet with your for a very short Bible study weekly. I'm talking you & she, in a neutral location like a quiet coffee shop or the public library, across the table from each other, simply reading some Bible and discussing it. Write down questions that come up for later deeper study.

Short studies. And it's not her teaching you or you teaching her, it's the both of you going to the Word.

Start with the Gospels. Take the New Testament pretty much in order. Rely much more on what you two see in the Word and much less on other people's opinions or interpretations. What does the Word say?

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