Question for ladies on sexual desire

Happy Wife · Newbie Joined: 18 Mar 2006 Posts: 2 Location: Florida

I actually posted this question a few days ago but I put it in the wrong cateragory . So here it is again. I have a question about sexual desire. I have a very happy marriage to a great christian man. We have an active sex life and I can orgasm pretty easily. In spite of this I usually get in the mood after we start making love instead of before. My husband and I take turns initiating sex which works great for us. We have agreed that we won't wait more than four days to take "our turn." I find myself initiating because I'm crazy about my husband and I know it is his love language or because my turn is almost up. Wink

Then the passionate feeling comes during lovemaking itself. I hardly ever feel "in the mood" and left to myself I might initiate a lot less often. This bugs me! I have read some articles that suggest that this is normal for women, but I want to feel more desire! When my husband walks by, I would love to feel a natural desire to "make love" to him instead of just feeling how "in love" with him I am. How do other ladies feel?

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1989 Location: Chicago

Happy Wife -
I thought I had to responded to your last post a few days ago, so I'm sorry if it did not go through.

I know it takes time and triggers for me to emotionally/physically respond. Let's just jump into bed doesn't quite do it. Some friends of our described themselves as a crockpot and a microwave. She's the crockpot, where things have to slow cook, be stirred every couples hours, a few spices added, etc. Where with him, you set the microwave to one minute or less and he's ready. We are the slow cookers and most guys, being the visual creatures they are, are ready at a moments notice.

It would be nice to instantaneously have this immediate physical reactions to our husbands, but unfortunately it's not the way most of us are wired up. Cuddling, hand holds, nibbles and kisses can be quite nice during those inbetween times.

In your last post you mentioned frequency between you as 2-3 times per week. Most married couples would applaud you for that effort and be grateful for that. It seems we have a hard time keeping our purity before marriage and no trouble keeping it after marriage. Things are rather turned around here.

It takes effort and mutual agreement, but I believe it is a great way for the Evil One to sneak his way into marriage if we don't keep our eyes focused on Christ as a couple. It's the mindset of serving each other with our bodies as a gift and being open and honest in communication. You don't want it to become a chore, but sometimes quickies are wonderful.

Everything I've read shows that most men will become cranky after three-fours days without release. They see their world through positive eyes when things are good sexually at home.

Happy Wife · Newbie Joined: 18 Mar 2006 Posts: 2 Location: Florida

Thanks! I replied to a post under "feedback on growthtrac articles", then I clicked on "post a new thread" with out realizing I wasn't under the topic of marriage, so I copied it over here. Your post shows up on the other one. Thank you for your reply! I have to wonder why The Lord wired men and women so differently instead of making us more compatible! Smile

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1989 Location: Chicago

Oh, I believe He did wire us to be in perfect compatability with each other and with Him. Unfortuantely, we figured we knew better than God and destroyed that compatability in the Garden of Eden.

infp · Newbie Joined: 05 Jun 2006 Posts: 4

You could try the suppliment l-Agrinine, which is an amino acid. It has been shown to increase sexual desire in both men and women. You can get it at any health food store, or even Wal-Mart. At GNC is comes packaged with a few other suppliments under the name Arginmax for Women - yes, there is one for men, too. This has been shown to increase desire, as well. There are many web sites on each of these products.

Another solution is the anti-depressent Welbutrin (also used to curb desrie for smoking). There are several studies that show that it increases female libido in a substantial percentage of women.

infp

PW_Moose · Newbie Joined: 06 Sep 2006 Posts: 4 Location: OHio

Hi, I had problems with my libido too. It turned out to be the heart medication I was taking.
But I think you are being too hard on yourself. I've read that men are turned on visually and women are turned on emotionally. I've found if my husband is hugging me, saying sweet things, stroking my hair,etc...I feel in the mood. But just watching him walk around doesn't always do it. I truly believe the Love Language theory. And mine is probably spoken words. Could it be, he isn't speakng your language??

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