pornography addiction

aprild · Junior Member Joined: 24 Jan 2007 Posts: 36

Thanks so much ..I am going to try to breathe...It is hard....WHY WHY WHY HE IS SO FULL OF SATANS WORDS....... SAYING ALL HAIL APRIL SHE IS SO MORALLY RIGHT LOOK AT HER... WHY WOULD HE SAY THOSE THINGS?????

aprild · Junior Member Joined: 24 Jan 2007 Posts: 36

Well I know some things I need to do I need to stop rubbing it in his face and acting like I hate him I do not.. I need to accept the reality I cna not help him I can not fix him God has to..... I love him so much and I need to act like it.... God has forgiven me I need to try ot start to forgive him...

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 189 Location: PA

You can do it, it's not gonna be easy but I have Faith that you can.
Biting my tongue is so hard sometimes. And the things that come out of my mouth are so full of Satan too. OK gotta hear this one:
I actually told him, I would cut his thing off and flush it down the toilet so it couldn't be found to have it re sewn on...I was serious! Than he tells the couselor (whose mouth dropped) and I said yes I did and I meant it. Thats the scarey part. The things I could have done when Satan was trying to control me.YIKS!
God is in control (thank God)- it's outta our hands.
And when he says these nastey things, now it's not OF him, it is like you said of Satan. Reem Satan a new one and tell him to move on, we want your husband back...Have a great night Michelle!

aprild · Junior Member Joined: 24 Jan 2007 Posts: 36

I am trying so hard.... I have been reading about prostitution online and stds statistics ....I feel like throwing up again... The I called my husband to make sure he was also safe and he said yes... Who would have ever thought I would have to call my husband and make sure he had safe sex with someone else....

Last night went ok no big figths which was good the first peaceful night in almost two weeks....

I appreciate all the help.. I will just continue praying to God and I will seek him with all my heart.

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 189 Location: PA

I went and got tested anyway at our local planned parenthood. Just so I felt safe since I didn't believe a word he said anyway.
Did you tell him we are chatting? Let him know it is helping get your frustrations out without taking it out on him, and I've been there. God always says good will come from bad, and this is the only good I have found. Helping others deal with what I had to do alone for a while. I felt so alone. I thank God for showing you the way to this site and if there is anything I can help with please let me know. I am here with tons of prayers!

All4Him · Newbie Joined: 24 Jan 2007 Posts: 5 Location: US

Although your husband had used protection, you still need to get yourself tested. I had to go through that myself, twice!. The second time, I even requested for the meds for STD before the tests came in positive only to be safe and begin the healing process. The first time it happened I was too sick and the second time I wasn't risking gettting sick. So please, go to the doc and get tested for your future safety. And hang in there. Remember God will not let you go through anything that He know you cannot handle.

aprild · Junior Member Joined: 24 Jan 2007 Posts: 36

I am not doing well I REALLY AM STARTING TO WANDER IF I CAN STAY WITH HIM
4 WOMEN THAT IS ALOT AND ONE WAS LESS THAN AMONTH AGO... I DO NOT FEEL IT IS FAIR....AND I JUST CANNOT GET OVER THE FACT BETWEEN ALL THESE TIMES HE KEPT IT INSIDE TO HOLD ON TO ME IT IS LIKE HE WANTED ME AND OTHER WOMEN... I REALLY DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN STAY WITH HIM NOW......

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 189 Location: PA

April, you have to try. He has repented to you and God, he is asking for help. He needs you the most right now. NO YOU DID NOT DESERVE this, he loves you, I know how can someone do this when they love us? I don't know, their pecker takes over. You don't have to love him or trust him, but dig deep and try and forgive his past, AS LONG as it doesn't happen again. You have to give him a way out. If you do this, this will happen! You do this this will happen! And you have to follow through with it. Our couselor said how broken they are when they come out that they are just trying to fill the hurt they have caused us. Is he showing you how sorry he is? And can you feel any of his agony? I know it's hard. Go to your scripture (Psalms) by yourself- you need that right now. Its gonna be a long hard battle and God is with you as well as my prayers. Please feel them. Your heart is goning to be hard, but you cannot let it stay that way, find anything to help soften it. If it gets too hard, it's gonna be hell to unsoften it (it's like a tightness in your chest that won't go away- no feelings at all) Please go into a room by yourself and read. Prayers April!!!

aprild · Junior Member Joined: 24 Jan 2007 Posts: 36

Yes, I feel he is truely sorry last night I just laid in bed crying and thn threw up and he just sat thre beside me asking me ig there was anything he could do I told him no and I started telling him how I felt.. He listened as I vented and as far as agony yes I do feel it .. But I feel like an idoit for putting up with this and staying with him.. Yes, he stayed with me but mine was one his is four....I know God does not see a number and it is very hard for me not to.. I told him I think I may go away for a cpuple of days and he said ok but sounded concerned I have never went away without him.. He has done it to me alot since he is in the army ... I love psalms and I will take your advice and read it.... I love him and I am so angry and hurt I have managed to not be as angry so that is good...We will go to the astir and therapist next week so that will be good I am trying to think postitive...

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 189 Location: PA

When I went away, if was so hard. But I HAD to, I needed me & God time and that is exactly what it was. It is different for you with him being in the service, I guess he could have to leave at the snap of a hat but even if it is for 2 days in a local hotel, I did not talk to him the whole time, but in case of an emergancy I left my cell on. But I told him I didn't not want him to call unless it was a real emergancy. I sat in the room (no TV) I brought Christian CD's to listen to with my headphones and read my bible and every heart restored book- it helped me to see how other wives went through this and how they got through different parts of this "grieving". I really think it will help, but no thinking of anythign but the 2 of yous- that was the hardest. I know it is gonna hurt and it's gonna for a while but have Faith in God that HE will (promise) get you through where you need to be and at His time.
I personaly have not wore my wedding ring since this happened, I need to see if I still want to be married to him (STILL), I want to make it work but only God knows if it truely will. I will do all God wants me to do, no more- no less. I am trying! I am human. Remember that we are human, we are not God so it's not so easy to be "Christ like". I am here April!

aprild · Junior Member Joined: 24 Jan 2007 Posts: 36

Well I HAVE TAKEN MY RINGS OFF AND ON.... SINCE THEN I AM SO CONFUSED I WAS THINK FLORIDA WITH MY SISTER MAYBE THAT IS TO EXTREME...I REALLY O BELIVE HE WANTS TO CHANGE I KNOW ONLY TIME WILL TELL. IT WILL BE HARD I AM ALREADY FEELING IT BEING HARD.... I WILL WORRY THE WHOLE TIME WHAT HE IS DOING I KNOW HE WILL HAVE THE KIDS AND ALL BUT YOU KNOW I WILL STILL WORRY ... BUT I NEED THIS TIME AWAY...... HOW LONG AGO HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOU FOUND OUT????? HE IS NON DEPLOYABLE RIGHT NOW BECUASE HE IS A TRAINIING OFFICER TRAINIING THOSE GETTING READY TO DEPLOY...

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 189 Location: PA

He told me on June 1st, so it's been 8 months. I went away the begining of Oct, I thought the same thing about worrying what he's doing, what he's not doing. I told my family thats close by DO NOT BABYSIT THE KIDS WHILE I AM AWAY! It make him kinda stay home & "behave". It was alot of responciblity for him, he's never been alone/alone with them. But he knew I meant business and it REALLY did help. The hard thing when I was away was not worrying about the kids, but I was able to get redirected with my thoughts. It would be nice to go to your sisters, but I recommend alone. My sister was actually a 1/2 hour from where I was and I couldn't even call her I had to do this alone-I'm in Pa & she is in FL too.
I wanted to put my ring on when I left Florida but something said not to so I haven't and won't until I feel I can honestly say- till death so us part.

aprild · Junior Member Joined: 24 Jan 2007 Posts: 36

Well she is not in Fl she is in Tn where I am origiannly from. I just thought it was nice to have her with me. I do not like ot go away to places I do not know anyone alone. To many crazy people .... I could stay in a local place but if I know me I would come home if I wanted to .. He will be alone with the kids fo the first time too. And he will be home we have no one to watch the kids ... but him... I have a block on the computer though so that will help...... I hope you have a good night and God bless Hope to speak to you tommrow...

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 189 Location: PA

It was the first time I was ever alone too. It was scary but I felt that I had to do it. I went to a place that everything was right there. I didn't need a car, I took a taxi to the hotel from the airport and stayed at the hotel that had a resturant (actually 2) inside to chose from. That I think was the worst - was going to a restuarnt and eating dinner alone. BUT it helped so much! It's very lonely in a way but so fufilling in a nother. I only did it because I had to for my marriage. It really was a last resort I wanted so bad to be out! I even talked to a lawyer. I had to!
Pray about it and if you feel led go with it, don't fight it or look for excuses (did it for a while). OK have a good night! I'm beat!

aprild · Junior Member Joined: 24 Jan 2007 Posts: 36

Well today is going okay I have had some thoughts arise and I was able to put them out of my mind.. I am feeling more hopeful. Then my mother in law called me and spoke to me for awhile... I am so confused about how I am feeling thpugh I do not know if it is normal... I told you what I did at the beginning of our marriage I felt horrible and I wanted to foget it and just be with my husband. Well I thin kwe decided not to talk about these things anymore until we are in therapy.... I think that will hault the fighting which will be very good.. considering I start back to school Monday... And our kids have hear us arguing a little which I do not like...But we have been having the most incrediable sex .. I mean before it was good but now ... I dont know why.... Afterwards we just want to hold each other and cry ...I wonder if this is strange ? I might research it. But I know what after I did it made me love my husband more for some reason I guess I realized I could loose him and I did not want to... It is so weird.... I keep praying to God to help us through.. I do not want to do things to fast and not heal properly.... We have been through things in our three years togther that some people have not been through being married 25.... We have been told that several times but our love has pulled us through...I wasnt him to get better with his self esteem issues he has some bad ones and has ever since I have known him... And some other self image issues... But that I am also able to reconize my wrong doings and improve myself..... I am feeling very hopefull right now....

I wanted your opinion and we are going to ask our therapist and pastor...

In a month or two when things are not so NEW we thought about going away for a couple of days togther to just talk and be togther we have not had that since we have been married and since he came back from Iraq...

Be honest do u think that is to fast???

Jope you are doing weel today ..

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