pornography addiction

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 192 Location: PA

I am having another bad day....I was doing so good.
He now just told me it was when I was running in a political race.
He said he got jealous cause I was doing so well. So IT IS MY Fault.
I was still doing my duties at home. I have always stayed home, cooked cleaned, did the stuff with the kids and school. I wanted better for our schools and ran for school board and won by a landslide. I want Christian values brought back into our schools and apparently alot of people in my community want that as well. When I fist started running (2 years ago) he today told me thats when he got jealous and felt like I had no time for him. I was home every night...So it is now back to it was my fault.....

If only....'s are killing me. I am the furthest I have ever been away from God right now and I hate it...I can not hear Him....I am trying...I hate this feeling...the brick is getting heavier in my chest...I hurt...and now I have graduation to conduct tonight and I just want to climb into bed and cry...
Please keep me in your prayers...I can't even read my book which has always helped in times like this my mind is going on it's own and wondering like crazy...I want to just run away and not come back....please

marasdac · Posted: Fri Jun 09, 2006 1:50 pm Post subject:

listen carefully please. your emotions can cloud your judgement.
if he became jealous, you did not force him to be jealous. he chose to be. maybe not consciously, but he did.
now that you know, you can NOW control whether you will give him a reason to be jealous....
may i suggest reading psalms 119. but the key is to only read it ONE VERSE A DAY. don't leave the verse until GOD reveals HIMSELF to you.
i like the MESSAGE, this is how verse one reads:

You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by GOD.

read, re-read, and re-read this one verse. allow HIM to reveal the road you need to follow. It is our Father's desire to lead you, trust HIM, let go of your fears, your insecurities, your pain .... give it to JESUS by simply asking HIM to take it, NOT TAKE IT AWAY ;
therefore allowing HIM to recieve the GREATEST GLORY in your current situation. Lean on HIM, your understanding won't hold you up

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 192 Location: PA

marasdac, it is so nice to hear for the guys side of it. I just feel so dirty like I DID do something wrong. I cannot even look at him, I get sick to my stomach. I know with this news being new and all but he is trying to do whats right-get help. But I seem to be regressing BIG TIME.
This is so hard. But Thank you for your honosty, it means so much.

marasdac · Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 11:51 am Post subject:

hello, dearwifeandmother,
wondering how you've faired in this past month since your june 10th posting. have you tried reading psalms 119? how far have you gotten?
Very Happy

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 192 Location: PA

Thank you marasdac
I have made some progress, more ok days than bad.
WE have been reading the bible more than we ever have. I still don't trust him as far as I can throw him and he knows this but...
He has attended a Every Mans Battle weekend & I have attended a Every Heart Restored wweekend for wife of ...It did help break the ice. I have been reading my butt off....literally..I have lost 15lbs this past month.
We also have our frist Marriage Counseling session July 31 and I said it's no garentee but we will try. So much more has come out...but I am getting past it and giving it all to the Lord to handle, I need to handle my own stuff. He also is a alcoholic which I had no idea and he feels this was directly related to his Sexual Addiction..(I see it as an excuse but...)
Thank you for thinking of me...it's gonna be a long road and I will TRY!

marasdac · Posted: Sat Jul 15, 2006 3:58 pm Post subject:

wifeandmother,
i heard a very life impacting statement from a preacher in arkansas, ronnie floyd, said
" if you don't believe that everything that has happened in your life up to now hasn't prepared you for today, then you will miss your GOD MOMENT."
WHATDOYOUTHINK?
I believe CHRIST has given, allowed, and sent the problems we have experienced thus far in order to prepare us for the next one. i've been reading about moses and the exodus lately. i've noticed that everything that happened to moses , happened for a very good reason. being in the wilderness ACTUALLY PREPARED him to be able to LEAD the Israelites in the wilderness.
kudos on the SEMINARS AND COUNSELING!
Remember FAITH is believing in what you can't see.... if you can see it, then it is not FAITH. Also remind yourself that IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE GOD WITHOUT FAITH. so keeep trusting HIM, and continue to RIGHT YOUR LIFE WITH CHRIST. Very Happy

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 192 Location: PA

marasdac now that you say that I am in a place that I am starting to see that this did happen for a reason. When he talked to the Pastor she said you have no idea how many this problem is effecting in our church right now. Well my "venting" brought up that I feel we need a support group for me and my husband at our church. He spoke to the Pastor last night and she said that would be wonderful: pray about it and find a good night that we could meet, the only thing (when we were talking) is that would mean he would have to open up the can of worms to the whole church. Today he decided he would like to give a witness and tell what has been going on (not in detail) just to show the congregation that it is a problem and if the guys could get together and talk about it and hold each other accountable. As for the wives, I really need the support to see I am not alone so this would be my class to start with prayer- I am having trouble in that area right now, I can't even hear God right now. But I know he is answering my prayers. Example: Last night lying in bed I was visualizing him again in front of the TV masterbating & I said Lord take the visions away, and refill them with good thoughts and immediatley they were gone.
So I know He hears me and I am working on getting the cotton out of my ears...Thank you again for your support and the wonderful blessed words you share they mean so much...
How are you holding up?

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 192 Location: PA

marasdac now that you say that I am in a place that I am starting to see that this did happen for a reason. When he talked to the Pastor she said you have no idea how many this problem is effecting in our church right now. Well my "venting" brought up that I feel we need a support group for me and my husband at our church. He spoke to the Pastor last night and she said that would be wonderful: pray about it and find a good night that we could meet, the only thing (when we were talking) is that would mean he would have to open up the can of worms to the whole church. Today he decided he would like to give a witness and tell what has been going on (not in detail) just to show the congregation that it is a problem and if the guys could get together and talk about it and hold each other accountable. As for the wives, I really need the support to see I am not alone so this would be my class to start with prayer- I am having trouble in that area right now, I can't even hear God right now. But I know he is answering my prayers. Example: Last night lying in bed I was visualizing him again in front of the TV masterbating & I said Lord take the visions away, and refill them with good thoughts and immediatley they were gone.
So I know He hears me and I am working on getting the cotton out of my ears...Thank you again for your support and the wonderful blessed words you share they mean so much...
How are you holding up?

Tehmartuz · Newbie Joined: 15 Aug 2006 Posts: 1 Location: USA

Too early...

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 192 Location: PA

Tehmartuz
Know we are here when you are ready. The relief of releasing all that anger in writing helped me alot. God doesn't mind if you yell at him, he's disappointed in him too. Prayers coming to you.

PW_Moose · Newbie Joined: 06 Sep 2006 Posts: 4 Location: OHio

hi, i'm sorta having the same problem you are. except my husband won't admit anything. he isn't a christian, altho says he is. he looks at porn everyday and i've found stuff on his computer. i even found emails to women. he is registered on 4 different sex websites with personal ads. i know just how you feel. but, please know that it is NOT your fault. even the most beautiful women in the world get cheated on. my problem is i'm scared to get too confrontational. my husband's answer to everything is for me to "get out if you don't like it". and even tho I know he can't make me get out, it's very hard!!!
i love him very much and i pray for him constantly. and the trust factor is totally shattered. but you know, i've prayed that the Lord with cause his efforts to find people to fail. my husband tells me too, that he gets erections all day long by looking at women "in strappy shoes". so i pray protection around him that if he sees someone, that they will do something that he hates and will be turned off. I'm sure there are people who would advise me differently, but his activities have really slowed down since i've just prayed and trusted in the Lord to help me. I don't want to destroy my family and home by leaving him, and i feel God is bigger than this and can turn it around.
I'm praying for you....Take care!!

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 192 Location: PA

PW Moose- you are right it's not our fault. My husband was doing it for a year and a half (at least thats all he says he was). I gave him this book every mans battle and made hi read parts of it (cause you know when you give a guy a book they put it away and it collects dust) I opened it to a section and made hi read the paragraph than stuck it in the bathroom for "fun reading", well That was a Sunday, Thursday night he said he was ready to change. He has to be the one that wants to change, as you know we can't change them. Trust forget it for now. It's gonna take a long time.
I really recommend the book & there is also one for wives- Every Heart restored. I also went to thier workshop (it was 1 hour away) which is a over night friday night but it was well worth it (even though I went kicking & scream it wasn't my problem but his) There were wives that didn't even tell their husbands that they knew and this helped guide them in the right direction. As well as to the other extreme of flashing people & masturbating just for the rise he would get. I pray you are able to find peace, keep venting thats what we're here for. Prayers to you & your hubby!
Stacy

Perez5 · Newbie Joined: 06 Dec 2006 Posts: 1

My husband has had a problem off and on with pornography. Last night I found my three year old daughter viewing a 20sec video of a threesome. She had been watching it over and over. We have talked about his problem three times prior and it always comes up. He keeps looking. Where do I draw the line when it starts effecting my children?

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 192 Location: PA

Perez5, I'm sorry I haven't gotten to you sooner, my son has been in the hospital.
Reading several of the books mentioned through out this topic has scared me enough to share them with my husband of how it effects the whole family and like alcohol is an addiction, whether it be a on and off thing. It doesn't matter it will escalate to become more if not nipped in the butt now. When I went to the Every Heart Restored weekend for wives of porn addcited, what an eye opener, how one wife said it led to the pron not being enough, it's like they never get enough. I'm assuming like drugs, once the drug doesn't work as effectively you go to the next. I heard it from other wives and I could not believe this could happen....
Knowing this beahvior is the "norm" for guys, they have no idea how it's gonna screw them & their families up. It's inviting evil into your home and believe me it will spread to "badluck" for you and your kids.
This past month our whole family has been taken over by this evil even though my H says he is done with the porn, stripclubs, alcohol etc. My Pastor said our home is under attack, and that scares me. Ask your H to think about his childrens future, what if it escalted and they became peeping toms and ended up in jail, knowing where it all origanted would be devistating. Perez5- you all are in my prayers, it's going to be hard but with your strength you can get through, I promise!!! I am here (now that were home) if you need to talk! Take Care!!!!

aprild · Junior Member Joined: 24 Jan 2007 Posts: 36

Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 12:39 pm Post subject: Cheating husband

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I can understand what you are going through right now.....It does hurt and it does make you question the way you look and everything.... I posted my story and I am sending it to you so you can hear mine.... It does hurt so bad and I iwsh I could give you a big hug right now cause I know that is what I need... I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts...I am trying to just seek God and we are going to under go cousloning through our pastor...I honestly though I was the only person in thew worl dumb enough to try to work it out ,, Caue I love him so much and I know he wants to change and be a better man but like you said it takes time and effort...The lack of trust is a major issue I know...

I recently found out my husband has cheated on me with four diffrent women. One of them he had casual sex with 5 times and two others weere just a one night stand he picked up at a bar and the last one was a prostitue he had sex with this past Dec. I am so devestated.... I have always been there for him sexually and he has been far away from God for a long time. ... He finally came clean after hiding this for about 18 monthes.... I knew he was struggling with a porn addiction I was trying to help him over come but I had no idea it was this bad. It hurts so bad becuase the fist gilr he cheated on me with was married and had a child to. He was away at a miliitary training for four months but I packed our two kids in the care evry other weekend to go see him and I had no idea we sleot in the same bed... I feel so sick and sad... I never seen this coming.... The relationsip between the nhe said was just an arrangement ot have sex... But he said the lat two times they were togther she said she loved him:( he said he loved me?????????? and she cried .... and he sais that was the last time they spoke. The other two he picked up at a bar were where we live now >>> and the prostitue right down the road from our home. one of the girls he did not tell he was married and he took off his ring... I have cried so much... I am glad I know now...He cam clean after I asked to pray for him about his lying and hiding the porn and as I was praying he said his back started to burn and he started feeling weird and he said God keot telling him to tell me but he was scared to.. after we were done praying I felt I needed to ask him if he cheated on me and that is where he said yes. I was shocked....really shocked... He was deployed for 16 monthes and I never thought about cheating on him... andthe really hard thing is when he did cheat on me I was able to see him and I did and he was doing it when i would go back home with the kids not when he was deployed ...... He says he is going ot change and he has been praying and he called our pastor for counsoling he says he did not realize what he was doing and how it would affect his family. Until now he says and he thinks about what he did it is like it was not him ??????? He said it was like he was living to lives. He says he does love me but as you can imagin it is hard for me to believe ???? anyone been through anything like ????????/I f so please respond and pray .....

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