PORN Recovery

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 312 Location: In Prayer

Here's the page with help information at Growthtrac -http://www.growthtrac.com/special/pornography/

From other people here on the boards, I've heard wonderful things about Faithful and True Minstries and Every Man Ministries.

If your husband's heart is open to healing and restoration, perhaps you and he can look into one of these programs together. Your family's future depends on it.

resecured · Full Member Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 152

(((((wifeand mother)))))

I totally understand your pain. I, too, have caught my husband numerous times with the history on our computer. He had to finally come to the realization that mast. to porn was adultery too. Men have a tendency to believe that this is private. That they are not out having physical affairs, so they are not cheating. In truth, they are.

Is your husband getting help with this? It took my husband to get on www.pureonline,com to finally see that he had to vanquish mast. from his life. I will tell you, Charity is so right. With my husband going through this program, I have realized that this is more than just a fleshly sin to be battled with. There is a reason that pornography is a mega money maker in our world today. satan has a foot hold on so many people through this mess. Your husband needs accountability, other than you. He needs to have the light shined on this sin. My husband and I have tried to just keep it between us, that it was just our business. I can't do that anymore. So we are in the process of locating a Christian counselor. From my experience, your husband needs to understand that viewing porn is destructive behavior. He has to get to that point first before he can go further with his healing.

My husband had to ask himself, what would his life be like in five years if he did not turn from this behavior. His answers were:

1. alone
2. disqualified from God's service in public arena
3. broken home, shattered relationships
4. sense of wasting final years of my life

Second question: What would your life be like (or better yet, what would you want your life to be like) if you sucessfully remove sexual sin from your life:

1. closeness to God
2. restored relationship with my wife
3. service to God
4. preserve family relationships
5. opportunity to live and upright, holy life with a clear conscience
6. put this in the past
7. rid myself of the guilt
8. acceptance of His forgiveness
9. restore the joy of salvation

My husband has to walk daily with God. He cannot allow satan any way in, from anywhere. His fight for soberity is a constant battle. He says that with each day of soberity it gets somewhat easier the next day. It's like he's living the same life as an alcoholic who is trying to be sober lives. He has to be on his guard daily. Yes, it's hard. But his feeling of success over this monster that has been in his life for many decades is wonderful. He is still so amazed at God's enabling strength. He has been sober for 1 1/2 years. He calls it a miracle. He also knows that he cannot become laxed at any time.

Wifeandmother, I understand, I know the heartache. I know the questions in your mind about all of this. I've been there. God has also opened my eyes to see the true ugliness of it, the unbelievable stronghold it has. I pray that your husband will finally get it. Until he does he cannot move forward. I told my husband that I would not stay around and subject myself to this kind of filth any more. Of course, you have to understand, I had just found out about all of his horrible past. His porn fetish would be considered mild to the rest of it. With me, it all had to go, or I would. That in turn would open the door to everyone finding out his secrets. It took that to wake him up. It still took pureonline for him to acknowledge that porn and mast. were still forms of adultery and had to be put out of his life. I couldn't understand why he couldn't get that fact on his own. It's that powerful.

Talk to us. Ask us questions. Several of us are right where you are. We do understand the frustrations, the hurts, the uncertainities. Everything. He can beat this. Only with God's help though. You cannot be his accountability partner. It won't work. Believe me. It's a long road, but oh so worth it in the long run.

I'll be praying for you and your husband.

-RJ-

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 189 Location: PA

Thank you for all your prayers and concerns.
I've been on here for over 2 years now, we have done everything possible to help HIM. We've done Christian Counseling, EMB, EHR, AA, SA, meetings with our Pastor...there is a time when I can do no more, he needs to step up to the plate and do stuff for himself not to "hold-on" to me & his family. I've told him it needs to start with you.
You become an enabler eventually. Yes I still pray for him, I want him to be better not only for himself but he has 4 children that want him better too.
I am frustrated and done, I DO NOT DESERVE to live in a cave, HE cannot control himself in public so WE cannot go out in public, which mean no vacations or anything for our kids, thats BS.
Asking if I would do the same for my kids....You got that right, it's enabling them. Covering their butt doesn't help them. I should know, I have one in jail, you can talk till your blue in the face but in the end it's their decision to act out or not and there is CONSEQUENCES, mommy can't hold your hand every second of the day. How many times will you tell your child you touch that stove your gonna get burned, as much as it takes till one day they touch it and get burned. Well why did they get burned, didn't you hold their hand every second of the day-NO!

charity1 · Full Member Joined: 07 Jan 2008 Posts: 157

wifeandmother,
I am so sorry for all you have had to go through. I had no idea what you had done already. I should have gone back and read your prior posts. You're right, at some point you do become an enabler. I still don't believe divorce has to be the answer though. Give him the boot, and then give him time to process the fact that he is alone. He hasn't reached rock bottom yet. Let him go there, then see what happens. Keep praying and trusting. Don't give up.

wifeandmother · Full Member Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 189 Location: PA

Thank you!
I have asked him to leave and he said he's not going any where...
He has completely shut down. I just feel like I have wasted the last 2 years trying only to get screwed in the end!
BUT I'm still praying, thats about the only thing I CAN do for him.
Thank God for this community!

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