PLEASE GIVE YOUR HONEST OPINION!

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 151

Empty Shell Of a Man,

I am so sorry for all the pain you have suffered. I do hurt for you more than you will ever know.

Please I beg of you! Read some of the other posts here and on other Christian marriage restoration sites. See how God has protected you and your wife from the worse things of an affair. You think of your wife holding another man's hand yes I know how that hurts, but God did not nor did your wife allow it to become physical. Praise God for that, concentrate on the positive not the negative.
PLEASE do not let satan win. Fight for your marriage, when satan brings these things to your mind rebuke him, do not dwell on them.
Love your wife and thank God for her daily.
You are truly a blessed man.

sad · Newbie Joined: 19 Jun 2008 Posts: 8

Dear Empty Shell of a Man,

I know the pain you are experiencing because I found out about my husband's second affair two months ago and the pain is so bad I went on anti-depressants to keep my sanity. I too have struggled with thoughts of suicide even though I would never do it. You just feel so awful right now and it feels like the pain will never leave. You feel if you weren't alive at least you wouldn't have to feel this gut wrenching pain.

My husband and I are going out more and trying to bring back some fun into our relationship and I think it helps. I try to space out the serious discussions so that it does not overwhelm the both of us.

I will pray for you to give you peace of mind.

montanna · Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 5:40 pm Post subject: To: Empty Shell of a man...

I am new here, And I go on to read things that could lift me up. My heart bleeds as I read your comments, It feels as though I am reading from my very own journal!

I am 10 months into finding out about my husband. His affair ( mistake as he call it) was a period of text msgs then drinking alot of drinking aparently my husband was drinking at work.. and then was followed out to his car by the other woman.. and it happened three times within a 2 week period. Long story... But the problem for me is that when I confronted her she told me a whole different story. Some of whicjh I have proven were lies. My hsuband swears everyday he is telling me the truth.

He has come back to christ through all of this and is very repentant and is now the husband I want him to be. I just cannot let go. The kicker... I have a beautiful 8 yr old daughter and found out 3 months ago that I am pregnant again. I am assuming this is God's answer to my prayer... Do I stay with him if he is truly sorry and with Christ?
Anyway... I know exactly what your going through... I wish you guys could see a therapist, Is it her excuse for not taking her own responibilty? I know she wasn't herself bc of the meds, like my husband wasn't himself due to drinking. Honesly?

The pics and memories... just do not go away!

I hope that you find some peace!!!! I just wanted to reply to let you know that someone knows how you feel, I often feel as though no one in the whole world knows.... But then I remember that god is right there with us... through it all.

Gob Bless!

Bg

Empty Shell of a Man · Junior Member Joined: 11 Oct 2007 Posts: 29

One year since my wife has made confession....

I stilll hurt badly.

Sometimes, it surprises me how hurt I still am.

She has been good since then. She fully blames the P-a-x-i-l and says:

1. What was I like before that medication?
2. What was I like for the four months I was on that medication?
3. What was I like after that medication?

Before: Since I have known her she has been loving and loyal, new to Christ, and growing.

On it: A zombie. Distant. cold no tears, no high, no low. Nothing. She behaved in a way that I never dreamed possible, as I was the happiest, but dumbest man on the planet. I treated her like gold; no question. She was my beloved bride and I delighted in her.

She delighted in nothing. Not even him. She saw him about once per week and thinks that she did it to punish herself and to ruin her marriage and walk in Christ. She felt like it was a satanic test.

After: loving, kind, inspirational to others, genuinely kind to those who mistreat her; hungry for the Word, hungry for good works, etc.

my problem: hypervigilant, bad dreams. When she is sick and not up to intimacy, I am insecure TIMES a thousand; far worse than I have ever been in my life.

The one year anniversary, this week, was bad. I had thought that the feeling of worthlessness and checking out of this world was pretty much over. Couple the one year anniversary with her getting sick (flu like) to the point where I suffer horrible dreams about her cheating on me and she does not feel up to holding me at night; because when she is asleep, she is gone. She won't remember a conversation we had at night...

Anyway, thank you all for prayers. If any of you are considering infidelity, please read about the pain....it never goes away fully.

I feel like a Shell of what I once was ,but at least I don't feel like that everyday. this week? yes, horrible, but even the summer, which was 1 year from when she was meeting him, talking on the phone, and sending cards and e-mails, was not so bad. She seemed to sense how much I hurt and seemed to instinctively pull closer to me; especially in August.

I hope...I hope that I am not burning her out with the pain. Sometimes, I hate to go to sleep out of fear of dreaming about him. I dread my job because there is a chance I will be foreced to work with him....so far, in one year, it has not happened, but if it does, I think I have to find a way to switch investigations:

even as a Christian, I fear that I would be better "cutting off the right hand" rather than face a test where I could fail, pop him in the nose, and get arrested and lose my job.

God, it hurts so bad...

I think she has grown tired of my tears but won't admit it.

I do keep thinking that it was sexual, but she will not budge on this fact, insisting that it was not and saying she will never ever admit to something that did not happen.

pray for me still? please??

Empty Shell of a Man · Junior Member Joined: 11 Oct 2007 Posts: 29

by the way, I am in agreement with her about a therapist. We work with them all the time in our employment and in a small town, it may not be the wisest thing in the world.

I did call a Christian therapist and he charged too much.

A pastor that I tried to engage was down right nasty to me.

I actually broke on the phone to him and started to cry. He was dead silent and said, "I have free time tomorrow, call me at 1PM". I was shocked. I was on the phone with him no more than 2 minutes.

6 months later I was in church and he was the visiting preacher. I felt sick to my stomach and left.

People do things on alcohol that they might not normally do, but sometimes those things were in their hearts to begin with, and alcohol set it free.

with antidepressants, I don't know if "in vino veritas" applies. She lost all sense of herself during that period of time.

FaithHopeJoy · Full Member Joined: 25 Jun 2007 Posts: 113

ESoM

You asked if we would:

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