need serious direction marriage

rpys40 · Newbie Joined: 01 Aug 2007 Posts: 6

I am married and have been 11yrs. and would like my marriage to work for the good .Lately I have been having problems trying to stay actively intamate with my wife after the first 45min.I'm ok ,but lately it's been hard for me to keep it going and my wife feels iam not attracted to her any more.
serious responses please[/b]

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1928 Location: Chicago

Welcome - we're glad you decided to post here at GT Community.

It happens to all of us, so please do not feel alone in this matter.

You don't mention your age, work or stress that might be taking place in your life. It might not be a bad idea to go to the doctor (take your wife with) and discuss some of these issues. Sometimes it can be hormonal, it can be low blood levels or any number of things. But, by taking your wife with you, she will understand this is a concern that you want to change about your relationship.

Another thing to consider, changing atmosphere. We can get into some pretty routine habits after awhile. So maybe it's time to change up the dynamics of your intimate times together.

There is a couple of wonderful books I would like to recommend for you and your wife - both by Christian authors.

Red Hot Monogamy by Bill and Pam Farrell -
This book is totally fun and has 101 suggestions for great dates and intimacy suggestions.
http://www.bookschristian.com/sys/product.php?PRODUCT=168342&affcode=growthtrac

The Five Sex Needs of Men and Women by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg

Lastly, our intimate times together do not always need to be 45 minutes or longer. While that is very nice, sometimes short and sweet is wonderful too.

rpys40 · Newbie Joined: 01 Aug 2007 Posts: 6

To your response,Iam 42 yrs. and I attend a BIBLE BELIEVING, BIBLE PREACHING CHURCH and I do take my marriage to prayer.I want to satisfy my wife.we have 3 children 3,10 &17 yrs.of age.I am a person involved in the church from visiting people to late nights encouraging people i'am like a 7'11 store.I am open 24 hrs. I also have my work I attend I start at 5.am. and get off at 1.pm at times I get 3,4 hrs. of sleep AND ALSO HAVING TO BE A PARENT, AND A HUSBAND,I ENJOY WHAT I DO. THATS JUST A LITTLE BIT OF WHAT I DO.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1928 Location: Chicago

It's Ok to lift our sex lives up to the Lord in prayer. It really is... He designed it anyway, so why not pray to Him and ask Him to change you in this area.

Just as women start experiencing changes in their forties, so do men.
So, it's still a good idea to meet with a doctor and rule things out.

Having just finished up the teenage years with my daughters - it's really tough with a household of kids to find quality intimacy time. If you and your wife can look at some nights away together - even one night every couple of months - it might be helpful in changing your intimacy dynamics.

Just throwing ideas out there for you...

Lord, I lift this marriage up to you today. You are the restorer and healer of all things. I ask that you bring strength and passion back into this marriage and that you fill this man who longs to finish well in his marriage with desire again.

rpys40 · Newbie Joined: 01 Aug 2007 Posts: 6

Thank you for your suggestions
I'm relizing that some times we need to talk about our sitituation,and to take blame for our lack of being that loving caring compassionate husband I understand that we both play a role in our marriage but ,I'm the one who will take action and do what ever means there is to do wheather marriage ,relationships,family,etc. I am one who likes peace of mind, knowing that there is a problem and to deal with it in a mature way.God has given us a choice I could choose to destroy this marriage or better this marriage. My wife comes from a abusive relationship before she came to God,she has a very low self esteem of herself because of her past,and because I know this I do my part as a husband to build her but when I lack these things of caring ,listening,being affectionate,holding her hand ,holding her in a loving way,not just to have intamacy,but to just hold her and to let her know that you are there for her when she needs you,and when I lack these these qualitys I have what I have at times because of my lack of my role as a husband. I understand it takes denying myself at times because they are the weaker vessel I understand that if I do not give my wife the attention,complaments,affection,love she needs some one else will friend ,co worker,etc.I guess what I am saying is that you shed some light on my marriage and thank you for that.I also understand that it takes two to make a marrige work a unbalanced marriage will only lead to more problems.

rpys40 · Newbie Joined: 01 Aug 2007 Posts: 6

Thank you for your suggestions
I'm relizing that some times we need to talk about our sitituation,and to take blame for our lack of being that loving caring compassionate husband I understand that we both play a role in our marriage but ,I'm the one who will take action and do what ever means there is to do wheather marriage ,relationships,family,etc. I am one who likes peace of mind, knowing that there is a problem and to deal with it in a mature way.God has given us a choice I could choose to destroy this marriage or better this marriage. My wife comes from a abusive relationship before she came to God,she has a very low self esteem of herself because of her past,and because I know this I do my part as a husband to build her but when I lack these things of caring ,listening,being affectionate,holding her hand ,holding her in a loving way,not just to have intamacy,but to just hold her and to let her know that you are there for her when she needs you,and when I lack these these qualitys I have what I have at times because of my lack of my role as a husband. I understand it takes denying myself at times because they are the weaker vessel I understand that if I do not give my wife the attention,complaments,affection,love she needs some one else will friend ,co worker,etc.I guess what I am saying is that you shed some light on my marriage and thank you for that.I also understand that it takes two to make a marrige work a unbalanced marriage will only lead to more problems.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1928 Location: Chicago

There is an excellent book that my husband recommends to many guys called Every Man's Marriage by Stephen Arterburn. Also, there is one for women called Every Woman's Marriage by Shannon Ethridge.

We are avid readers and many times a book can speak to someone's heart in a way scripture may not, or a friend cannot.

We each read these books at the same time together at night and found we had a lot to discuss, a lot to pray about, and quite a few things to ask forgiveness for. They were worth every penny.

Just keep reassuring your lovely wife that she is a beautiful gift from God.

rpys40 · Newbie Joined: 01 Aug 2007 Posts: 6

Please tell me.How long have you been married?and a question I ask every couple that has been married for years.What has kept your marriage together through out the years.Please keep it real.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1928 Location: Chicago

I've been married 31 years this past June and had just turned 19 when we married.

We were not followers of Jesus Christ when we got married. It was 10 years before I gave my life to Christ and another two before my husband did.

The glue that has kept us going has been getting beyond our discomfort and learning to pray together on a regular basis. And, finding a passion in serving the body of Christ (the church) in ministry together. We served in separate ministries early on, but the dynamics of our marriage changed tremendously when we started serving together.

	Growthtrac Community Forum Index -> Emotional Needs	All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Page 1 of 1