Need advice on "marriage bound by God"

hopefulness · Newbie Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 4

I agree, with God, all things ARE possible. I struggle with issues with my husband, and at times, we wonder if we can past all these issues. We have talked about separation, and are not sure if it's the right thing to do, because of the family. Do you think the time apart helped you work through whatever issues you may have had with your husband?

FaithFullyLiving · Newbie Joined: 09 Jul 2007 Posts: 13

I believe that in certain cases, separation is necessary... abuse, additions to drugs (in most cases), other things for emotional and physical safety... you are better to get out of harms way till it is safe for all to return.

I think that sometimes, a small separation - like a week - is good in some rare cases, for you to "step away from the anger" and be able to see a clearer view....

In most cases though, I would NEVER recommend separating... I know the longer my ex and I were apart the more hurt I felt, the further it pulled us apart... to where we are now.... not even considered "Friends".

Just think about it... This is supposed to be the person who is PART OF YOUR FLESH.... you are one... so you are supposed to be INcomplete when you are apart.... and then you separate to make things better.... but what happens is that he starts doing things without you and you without him and it get's "comfortable"... and then you don't know things he did while he was alone and visa versa.... I'm not even talking - other people.... I remember feeling hurt when I found my ex went to the Rodeo and I thought "Gosh, he did that without me... we always did that as a family... maybe he doesn't really need me or even want me".... It puts "doubts" in your head.... and that doesn't need to be there in a marriage.

"Separation" causes more heartache then staying together and letting God work on you together, IMO, unless like I said, there is a real good reason.

FaithFullyLiving · Newbie Joined: 09 Jul 2007 Posts: 13

Oh, I don't want to forget to mention, the kids.... If you have kids... they will SUFFER from the separation.... Have mercy on them....

My kids SUFFERED and are still suffering - It's so hard on them, more so then on the adults, almost always.... There little minds can not comprehend why Mommy and Daddy can't live together... they wonder when one leaves "is the other going to leave soon too" - their whole sense of security is gone. Thats only one of the emotions they will haveto deal with.

hopefulness · Newbie Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 4

Thank you for your words. My husband and I are working through issues, and have been for quite some time. If you don't mind me asking, what made your husband realize or decide that the divorce was the way to go?

FaithFullyLiving · Newbie Joined: 09 Jul 2007 Posts: 13

It is long and complicated... which is why I said "there would HAVE to be so many things happen for us to get back together" and the first thing, would be that he would have to admit he has a problem and then 2nd get help for his problem.

He has some issues... The first physiologist we went to said he had a "personality disorder" and the one that did the Evaluation on both of us for the custody battle said he "needed to be on antidepressants and under intensive physcotherapy" .... he had anger issues and was sometimes physically abusive to me.

Which is why we separated.... I had to keep my kiddos and myself safe... but he would not get help and said if I wasn't going to be his wife, he was divorcing me. I wanted to stay married and be there for him while he got help.... but he still doesn't think anything is wrong with him....

I know.... LOOOOONNNGGGGG road for me... but I said "in sickness and in health"

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2041 Location: Chicago

You're right, that would need to be a huge first step. Because without the willingness to get help and seek therapy, you cannot take the chance that he will walk the line of physcial/emotional/verbal abuse with you and your children. You are better off, not having him be your husband, if he doesn't see his need for help and spiritual guidance on this issue.

FaithFullyLiving · Newbie Joined: 09 Jul 2007 Posts: 13

Joblom1 · Full Member Joined: 22 Jun 2007 Posts: 57 Location: Mn.

Good Morning-Just finished reading everyones messages, Sam you have given very good advice. God bess for your gift. I to can now look back and see how independant I was in our marriage and a lack of communication. C.B.(husband) traveled alot, so it was always up to me to get things done at home-which I thought would make it easier once he was home. I thought my marriage was so much different then my parents. But , I realize that faults lie on both of us-that does not excuse what he made a concious choice to cheat. I try to understand why and what did this other person give him that he felt he was not getting from me? And, please I realize sex is involved, but then he could found someone closer to home. But this was probadly easier that he had a connection from his past. Its a daily process. I pray that God lifts the burden as soon as I sart to dwell on it. I praise God daily for sisters in Christ and I lift all up to our heavenly Father, knowing we do not walk alone. God gaves us grace for each day. Jo-jo Sam- good luck with school this fall.

Shariakh · Newbie Joined: 06 Jul 2007 Posts: 2

Faith,

I just logged on and I read all the advice you got. I believe that the Lord is talking to you, but you are not listening.

It would be nice if you were to get a book by Charlyne Steinkamp - Spiritual Journey Toward A Healed Marriage you can also visit their website - do a search - Rejoice Marriage Ministries

God Bless

Joblom1 · Full Member Joined: 22 Jun 2007 Posts: 57 Location: Mn.

Hello- Shariakh Just checking on your post were you addressing it to me? My name is Jo-Jo. Thank you.

Shariakh · Newbie Joined: 06 Jul 2007 Posts: 2

Hi Jo-Jo

Actually I was addressing FaithFullyLiving - but you too can visit Rejoice Marriage Ministries.

Have a blessed day

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