My insensitive husband is making me miserable

cg1024 · Newbie Joined: 19 Mar 2008 Posts: 1

Help!
I may be loosing my mind. I am pregnant now and we also have a 4 year old. My husband is 27 and I am 26. My husband has been hanging out with his friends, etc pretty much every day for about 3 months. All I want and ask of him is a normal family, where the mom and dad are home at night. He says if he is at home he is just going to go to sleep. I told him this past Sunday that this would be my last time to explain how miserable his actions were making me. He was home on Monday, then out again on Tuesday. His explanation is that he is proving to me that he is a "grown man and I cannot control him". I dont think a request to be a family is controling. I want to leave him now. But, how can I when I work full time have a 4 year old and another child on the way (I'm due Oct. 22). What would you do?

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1858 Location: Chicago

Time to make an appointment with your pastor for counseling or a licensed Christian counselor.

Also, does he have any trusted close Christian friends who are married with children and do not go out several times a week? Are they friends who would gently talk to him in truth about this situation. Is his father a Christian man? Although, I usually don't like bringing family into marriage matters - if he is the only one your husband would listen to, then that may be your only option.

If you decide to talk to dad - don't harp on him about what your husband is doing wrong. Just say something like, "Dad, we're not seeing eye to eye on family time together. Can talk with _ _ _ and get his perspective?
Or can you give me some suggestions?

Unfortunately, hubby is not being overly mature here. He said it himself, about he won't be controlled by his wife. And, having married at 19 and 20 - it sometimes takes our guys awhile to realize what sacrificing for their families truly means. It took my husband awhile to understand that God comes first, then family. Not that he can't have his interests once a week, but not at the sacrifice of our family and kids. And, if he's at the bars, then that's really not the best atmosphere.

Ok - divorce is not an option. Or threatening it or separation is also not an option. There are no grounds other than you're angry because he's being selfish. We're all selfish in some way in our marriages - you included. It doesn't mean we end our marriages.

Hope that helps some.

I'll keep both of you in my prayers.

guitarmama · Newbie Joined: 18 Apr 2008 Posts: 1

I can sympathize with your situation. I think my husband is emotionall constipated. It didn't happen overnight, in fact, I knew it when we were dating. We have been married for 8 years. Our son will turn 7 next month and our daughter is 4. No more children on the way. It is a rollercoaster and the children are the ones that suffer the nausea, so to speak. I have recently decided that I am not separating, divorcing, or otherwise leaving my husband/our family. Number one, I wouldn't be able to stand weekends away from my babies. Number two, I do everything now as it is, I wouldn't trust him to take care of them for any period of time. Sad, eh? Reality. The times that I do go on a church mission trip for the weekend or work late at night, they don't get teeth brushed, bathed or stories read/prayers. It kills my spirit.
I have counseled with my pastor ( I actually lead worship at the church-not all those that work in ministry have ideal lives-Satan works harder against those). I will beef up my prayer over the influences in the lives of my children, my husband, my coworkers, my congregation, my friends, my animals, even. My house will denounce the devil and uphold the Holy Spirit.

Do you realize that although you may not notice a significant overnight change in your husband, you will definitely have the power and peace to overcome and survive? God is powerful enough to change the heart of your husband (and mine, too). We love something about them. We love our kids. OUr kids love them. It's worth saving. Also, enjoy the quiet time without ESPN!!!!

It might also help to point out to him (when he returns) the cute things he missed while he was out with his friends. Whether your 4 year old said something cute or drew him a picture. If the baby kicked. Sweetheart, you are doing wonderful if you are able to manage work, pregnancy, and a toddler on top of laundry, food, etc.

Find a church, make more friends (older ones whose kids are grown). Those teenagers in the youth group love to play with toddlers and can help fold clothes, vacuum, etc. Let them earn money toward prom, etc.

You'll be helping them and get more in return.

I hope this has helped. Your post helped me. Sometimes we feel alone. You have to make a plan and keep moving. THose kids are not going to wait for daddy to spend time with them and (as sad as it is) one day he will see what he missed out on and you'll finally have the husband you always wanted. Keep praying!

	Growthtrac Community Forum Index -> Welcome!	All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Page 1 of 1