Moving on...

CJsMom · Newbie Joined: 07 Aug 2006 Posts: 8

Please, I need help. My husband had an emotional affair that he admitted to two weeks ago, it happened about 9 months ago. He has also lied about other things along the way, nothing else that is that bad, just the fact that he lies. I have lost trust in him. We have talked about it all and are moving forward. I just dont know how to truly forgive so I can move forward. I guess I want to know from someone that has gone through some sort of affair and come through it even stronger, how did you get there??

Everytime the thought comes to mind to leave him, I feel that God wouldn't want me to. Sometimes I just wish he would leave me so I wouldn't have to hurt anymore. I felt like God gave me strength to move past this affair, but then I keep having these thoughts about it then ask him more questions and things go down hill from there. I know he needs me to forgive him, he is truly repentant and doesn't see how I or God could ever forgive him for the person that he has become.

Then he also confessed to me some things that happened before we even met that he was scared to tell me for fear that I wouldn't want to be with him. I made mistakes like he did but its like it haunts him and he is in such a dark place now.

When we got together he seemed like he had it all together and now I find out these things he did and struggled with and its like I dont know what to think.

I feel like I am rambling, I just dont have anyone to talk to about this. Thank you.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2170 Location: Chicago

I have not personally dealt with an affair, but I have two very dear friends who have.

The only way they got through them and walked toward healing and forgiveness was with the help of a Christian counselor. They both shared this was the only way their marriages were restored.

Emotional or physical affair, the pain is still there. And, your husband needs to discover what is broken within himself that made him take this path. Also, what you both need to regain emotional and spiritual connection again. Burying it and hoping it all goes away isn't going to work. The issues need to be dealt with so it NEVER happens again.
He needs to understand the warning signs and what proper boundaries are to protect his heart from emotional attachment to other women.

There is a wonderful book that I recommend called Every Heart Restored by Stephen Arterburn. There is a chapter that specifically covers emotional affairs.

CJsMom · Newbie Joined: 07 Aug 2006 Posts: 8

We know what led to this affair. I was very disrespectful and unsupportive of him. He met this woman at work and she was having marriage problems, I guess she made him feel good about himself, because I sure wasn't. No, I know this isn't an excuse, he knows it to. We have not buried it, we have talked, I have asked questions, etc. So I feel we do have some openness now. He is so unforgiving of himself, he thinks he is undeserving and he can't stand that he hurt me. I feel like even with my forgiveness, he still has this dark shadow over him that I dont know how he is going to get out of if he isnt able to accept forgiveness.

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 315 Location: In Prayer

Welcome and I'm sorry to hear of your circumstances. I have lifted you and your marriage up in prayer this morning.

Good to hear that you have worked through some things. But, I would be in agreement with SAM that you'll need counseling. My husband was chatting online with other women and that was very destructive to our relationship when I read what he was sharing with them.

Counseling was an absolute must.

It's been said here on the boards before that self-help is an oxymoron. Very Happy

Self cannot help - only God can along with the wisdom and guidance of a Christian counselor.

Have you had an opportunity to spend some time in counseling?

I don't think my marriage would have survived without it.

Proverbs 19:8
He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; he who cherishes understanding prospers.

Proverbs 4:7
Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.

	Growthtrac Community Forum Index -> Infidelity	All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Page 1 of 1