May need to stop looking at information

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 143

Sometimes I feel I should stop looking at my H's email and cell phone bill. I see what he is doing.

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 309 Location: In Prayer

Have you told him you know this? I pray that you can because it seems like he may feel he is getting away with hiding things from you.

Since you know what he is doing - maybe it would help you with emotional ups and downs to stop checking.

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 143

He does not know what all I have access to. I figured the passwords out by a miracle, so I did not feel led to tell him as I have access to 3 of his email accounts and his monthly cell phone.

He knows that I know about OCT/NOV/DEC bills as we each had to turn our phone bill over to the State's Attorney's office due to the legal battle we are facing with our ex-pastor. However he defended those bills with she’s just a friend. We both had problems and we talked about it.

If I tell him, he will change all passwords and I would not know what's going on. I guess I may know enough. I don't think it will matter if I told him. He may use that to say he could never trust me and blame his estrangement from me on that and stay living in the guest room until he or I died.

I do not want to live in the same house separated for the rest of my life. I’d want to move on.

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 309 Location: In Prayer

I understand.

If you had multiple male friends that you talked to constantly and text messaged in front of him, would he be upset?

I know sharing things with the opposite sex that we don't share with our spouse, sets up and emotional bond. He may not be having physical affairs with these women, but it certainly seems like emotional affairs.

You mentioned wanting to move on. What does that mean for you? Do you want to find a way to heal things with your husband? It seems like you do.

I noticed in your other posts that you seem to be holding your ground about counseling. How are you doing with that?

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 143

I am not allowing him into the bedroom, not that he asked to come, but if he does, he can come when we begin counseling. I will not be a doormat.

I don't think he'll ask.

He sent me an email at work saying hello and that he passed a kidney stone and that he still loves me. After checking email he sent emails to two of his mail friends and his boss about passing the stone. If he wants to say something to me he has to say it face to face. We're in the same house. That being said I get convicted as the bible says our bodies are not our own and except the two agree for a time... Well what if he asks and I say no? I'm so confused on this issue.

Yes I want to heal my marriage. Its my first choice as I made a covenant and do not chose to break it, even if he does. As long as he is in this house and chooses not to file for divorce, I do not feel its my right to file in the eyes of God. Yes there is a provision that allowed for it but God hates divorce. I will not be moved.

Just last night he sent an email to his Fein telling that this OW's husband trade her Navigator in for a Honda Accord, like his. So although he sent me an email on Thurs saying hen does still loves me, its not enough to help heal the marriage. So for now God is my husband and He will take care of me and deal with my husband.

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 143

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 309 Location: In Prayer

Oh my, dear sister. This really is a dilemma. I will continue to pray for your strength and God's wisdom and guidance. The hard part is not knowing if he has been physcially intimate with these women and whether he could pass a STD on to you.

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 143

Well I'm not sure but here's what I do know:

We stayed up late last night so I went to the guest room asn asked him for hug and he said yes then one thing lead to another.

I'm hurt and ashamed right now as I did not think of holding my feelings for him back. He emailed his friend this morning at 8:13 am and here's what it said, start at the bottom:

That's a good thing for you my brother.
----- Original Message -----
From:my hubby
To: friend
Sent: Monday, May 05, 2008 1:19 PM
Subject: Re: wife

yep
-------------- Original message from "friend --------------

You're wearing her down bruh; you're wearing her down!! Reminds of that Spike movie, "She's Gotta Have It!"
----- Original Message -----
From: my hubby
To: his freind
Sent: Monday, May 05, 2008 8:13 AM
Subject: wife

she came to my room at 12:15 last night and asked for a hug...then
came back about 12:22 wanting more...so yep, went to her room for the night

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 309 Location: In Prayer

I'm so sorry -

The fact that he would share your sexlife in such a cavalier way with a friend makes me sick for you. It shows how little he cherishes you as his wife. And, he knows you will bend and not hold out for the counseling you asked of him.

I am so sad for you right now, dear sister. So very sad.

Dear Lord, you know the heart of this woman and how much she wishes to please you in her marriage. I pray that you draw her close to you and help her to know she is deeply loved, cared for and cherished by you.
I also pray for her husband that he will see the need for help with their relationship and go for the counseling they so desperately need.

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 143

Thanks for the prayer.

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 94

ladyT,
I know how you feel about checking phone messages ect. I do the same thing sometimes I feel I would be better off not knowing but a part of me has a need to know. But it always hurts me.
My husband and I are divorced but I am still standing for my marriage. Doing what I feel is right in God's eyes. My husband wants me to do this because in his heart he knows this other relationship is not going to work but he still plans on carrying it as far as he can. He is living with the woman. She left him Thursday came back Saturday and left again Monday.
My husband is no longer trying to get me in bed with him. If he did I would. He knows I would tell her the truth if she ask and he doesn't want her to leave. I hurt daily because of his rejection.
It is a game for him and probably for your husband also. They do not care that we are hurting.
But I promise you our God is in control. Trust in Him and he will bring you through.

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