Marriage of God?!

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 94

No. He is ashamed for other people to know who he is with. We agreed in the beginning that his mother would never know what he had done. The day I found out about the affair was the same day the doctors told her she was terminal. She loved my husband very much and I did not want to see her hurt, she also loved me.
The only time he is seen with this woman in town is when she gives him no choice or he is drinking.
We live in a small town and everyone knows what this woman is.

greenwidow · Full Member Joined: 14 Aug 2006 Posts: 112

Did your inlaws know about the divorce. Does the town?

Even he doesn't want the world to know what he is doing. Uggghhh! How twisted is this? If he loved her as he says he does, he would be shouting it from the mountain tops. He knows that he has screwed life up on so many levels.

Part of why he is getting by is your extreme grace in a situation that is totally unacceptable. You are now divorced, though and do not have a claim on him. Your only recourse is to make yourself the kind of woman that attracts him...can you do that? Is it worth it? What would God think of that plan?

I take from your posts that neither of you have children. If you had children you would know that there are times that your have to be willing to hit them with the truth and trust that there will be love afterward. We forget that with our spouses.

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 94

My FIL and his brothers and sisters know. We kept it from his mother.
It is funny but I am the kind of woman he wants. He tells me most everything. I am also the only friend he has.
He is trying to turn her into me. He wants to get her to cut her hair like mine, dress like me, go to church like I do and be the loving and caring person that I am. He doesn't tell me in those words but he tells me how he wants her to be. Trust me when I say it is not going to happen.
The only thing that has gotten his attention is a man called me one night when he was there. He got very angry that another man would call his "wife" I had told this man I still loved my husband and was not looking for anyone else, but he had continued to call. I had not even seen this man in two years.

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 94

my husband came to see me yesterday as usual it was hard on me to see him go. He had to work last night and called me several times from work.
He told me he misses me and thinks about me all the time. Talk like this always upsets me and brings on tears. I am feeling when he talks like that to me, if you miss me why are you there and not here.
I was up at about 3:15 this morning and talked to him at that time, as our talking always does I was upset and called a prayer line crying. The young man I spoke with there was as always very nice. I told him what had happened and what was going on and told him someone needed to tell me what to do. His answer to me was you already know you think it is to hard. I ask let him go? He replied again You already know you just think
it is to hard. So I thought is it harder to let go or to hold on to have faith that God can do all. I am human I see all the pain I have suffered, I want the pain to stop. The hard thing is to hold on to my faith in God to let him work this out in his time. All I would need to do to get over this is to make up my mind to do it but that is not the right thing. I prayed for months before I found out about the affair that God would make my husband the good man I knew he could be reguardless off the cost to me. Can I back out on my prayer to God. I find I can not. Could I leave my husband to his own fate because of his sin? Yes! This is where my struggle has been all along. In my heart of hearts I knew from the beginning that I did not want to go through all this pain, that the person I had lived with for the last eight years was not worth this pain. But God is about to do a miracle
and I get a front row seat. Thank you Father for your love and your patience. Thank you that I am your child.
Will all of you continue to pray for me and this situation?

softy7 · Newbie Joined: 24 Oct 2007 Posts: 16

I went through grieving my divorce in the same way. I loved my husband dearly, but he was living with another woman and going back and forth between the two of us. I would pray for God to bless my husband to be a man of God and a spiritual leader for our home, etc. I truly believed and had faith that God would answer my prayers. Well, my husband refused to be faithful, but begged me not to divorce him. I felt like I had no choice. I had gotten STD's, had 3 small children who witnessed their mother being abused physically and emotionally, and I was in a deep depression. He would say he loved me and wanted our marriage to work, but did the opposite. Months after the divorce, he moved back in with me and we were talking about remarrying. Later, I found out he was still seeing the OW. We argued and he moved back in with her. Over time, between crying and asking God why, I prayed and read my bible and finally gave it to Him. I promised God that I would wait for Him in my situation, even if it takes forever. 2 1/2 years later, I married a wonderful man who loves the Lord and me dearly. We'll have been married for 5 years in November. The Lord heard my cry and my prayers for a man of God and a spiritual leader for our home. God knew it would come to pass, but just not with my ex-husband. It's been 8 years and my ex-husband still hasn't changed. He has done to her, everything he did to me.
It takes a lot of time, but God is a strong deliverer. He did it for me, I know He will do it for you.

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 94

Thank you so much for responding to my post. Please pray for me. I do not know if you read all my posts or not. I am not young I will be 56 this year. I prayed for years for my husband and each time it was as if I heard God say "It's you you need to worry about I will take care of ______"
God is in control. We had only been married 8 years 7 of those years he was faithful to me except he would flirt on the internet.
God has multiplied my love for this man. I do not know why but there is a reason. I am not supposed to give up.
I thank God and rejoice with you in your happy marriage. Please neither of you ever forget what a blessing of God that is.

secured · Full Member Joined: 30 Jan 2008 Posts: 113

Elligirl,

I have lifted you up in prayer today.

-RJ-

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 94

Thank you so much for your prayers.
I really need them today.
Yesterday my husband called me on my lunch break at work to tell me he had been put on the day shift but did not get the promotion he was hoping for, The more he talked the more upset he got and was even talking about killing himself. He is very emotional anyway but I have never heard him threaten that before. I finally got him calmed down and he promised me he would go back to sleep(he had worked the night before and was to work last night) In about an hour and a half he called me back to tell me he had to go pick "her" up at her sisters house about and hour and a half away and still get back in time to go to work. He said he would not have time to eat but he could make it there and back in time. I told him I had food I could bring him and meet him when he got to work with it, which I did. When he got to work he looked really bad and was stumbling he was so tired. When they saw him they ordered him to get drug tested but he came back clean. They did send him home after that because they told him he was in no shape to work.
I know that he has to hit rock bottom before he will look to God but it is so hard to see someone you love go through this.
Please continue to pray for God's conviction, he is going to the doctor to get something today for his nerves. He will not take it right and it will make matters worse.
I know that God is in control of this situation and that I must trust Him with all my heart.
Please continue to pray for me to have peace and wisdom.

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 94

Please do not forget me I need your prayers now more than ever.

softy7 · Newbie Joined: 24 Oct 2007 Posts: 16

You are in my prayers. I pray that God touches your heart and gives you the peace and wisdom you need to endure. I pray that you seek His acceptance and seek to please Him. I pray that your motives for wanting to be there for your husband are pure. I pray that your deeds are to please God and not for self-gratification or to gain your husband's favor.

Lord, I believe you will bless this relationship and lead it back to health in your timing. In Jesus' name. Amen

Matthew 17:20

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 94

Thank you so much for your prayer.

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 94

I have not posted on this link for awhile but am still here. My husband is still with the ow on and off. She will stay with him for a few weeks then leave for a few days before she starts calling him again.
Last Thursday she left came back Saturday. Stayed till Monday morning and left while he was at work. She will usually leave him a voice mail or a note but did neither the last time.
Please pray with me that she will not be back this time.

I love my husband very much and God has called me to pray for him and stand for my marriage. Pray that this is the time God has choosen to intervene.

resecured · Full Member Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 102

((((Elligirl))))

I am still praying for you, dear sister. I'm sure I am not alone in this. Just know we are still here,too.

-RJ-

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 94

RJ,

Thank you so much for your prayers.
My husband came over after work yesterday and spent about three hours.
I can tell he is hurting because of all the things the ow has done to him.

Please pray that this time she will not be back and that his pain will be gone soon. Pray that she will be as bitter as wormwood to him.

He told me last night he was going to think of her as dead. That is his way of accepting that she will not be back.

Our God is an awesome God.

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 143

Elligirl,

I'm fairly new to this but so forgive me if I don't have all of the facts.

From what I have read, you trust God and have faith, however you're not displaying it because?

Sometimes when we pray God is silent and its nothing wrong with you being silent with your ex. It seems he is playing this game and you have lost your boundaries with him.

I can feel the pain in your writing and can feel you love him more than life itself, but maybe God's trying to show you that you place your ex higher than you place God.

God allows us to repeat trials until we learn the lesson. I'm a living witness to this.

I have totally stop asking my husband for anything and only respond to him when spoken to. I tried to be the better of the two but saw my reactions to his game was making him more bold and actually allowing him to see that I was weak; in turn his disrespect showed more towards me.

Does it hurt to act as if I don't care? YES! But it gets better day by day. Each day I press through the pain and sometimes tears and say God would not put any more on me than I can bear. Instead of waiting until I come out of this trial, I’m shouting now, Praise God from who ALL blessings flow.

He is my pavilion and my counsel and I shall not be moved.

The energy I was putting into trying to be at his every call was energy I could have used praising the Lord and reading HIs word and getting closer to Him. Fasting and praying is what I'm doing now and I am stronger for it.

I have my moments but they are nothing like a month ago. Praise God. Keep your head up. You’re special in God’s eyes and he’s our ultimate husband and can supply all of our needs.

Be strong and seek help for yourself. Are you in counseling? Counseling is helping me along with prayer and reading of His word.

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