Marriage of God?!

secured · Full Member Joined: 30 Jan 2008 Posts: 113

Just wanted you to know that I have lifted you and your husband both up to the Lord this morning. I know how devestating it is about the STD. That's how I found out about my husband's past. Mine was the type that you wait it out for a year (going every three months for a check up) to see if it reappears. Thankfully mine did not. It's the type that can cause uterine cancer. I was lucky in that I found out before it became that bad. Still have to watch it though. Today is my anniversary. It is the first one that he has been sober from his sexual addictions. I'm happy for him and yet I honestly almost don't feel anything. I still can't give him a card because I can't get past the things the cards say on them. I got him a nice plain one for Valentine's Day. I'll try and get one like that for him today, perhaps. Pray for me too. RJ

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 107

Thank you so much for your pray. Please continue to pray. I prayed for you and your husband this morning and prayed this promise verse for you. Psalm 138:8 " The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O Lord, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands."
I pray that the Lord will make your marriage as perfect as human nature + the nature of God can make it.

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 107

I hurt today. My husband is gone again. She was coming in today and they were moving back together. I can not understand, I know he loves me how can he keep doing this to me? How can he stand to touch another woman in the way he should be with me only.
Please pray for me. Pray that this is the end the last time in my life I have to feel this type of pain he causes by his being with her.
Why do I have to suffer they are the ones doing wrong.

secured · Full Member Joined: 30 Jan 2008 Posts: 113

(((Elligirl)))

My heart hurts for you. It sounds like boundaries need to be installed. Easy? NO WAY !!!!! It's not fair to you for him to treat you like this. I understand what you say about why are you being hurt when they are in the wrong. We are the innocent ones. I can only give you my perspective on this. I could not tolerate his going back and forth. This will continue until he comes up against a wall. I do understand your fear of not exactly knowing what to do. If you put up a wall would that send him to her? I only know that living this way is not healthy for you. Either way he has to make a choice. And yet so do you. Take control of your life and show him that you are a strong woman. With the problems you say this woman has, would he want to be around that all the time. It's easier to handle problems when faced with them for just a short while. God does not intend for us to be doormats. Is he aware that what he is doing is morally wrong? What he is doing to you is wrong? What does he say about his bouncing back and forth? I am praying for you to have the strength that only God can give to do whatever is necessary. I am also praying that your husband's eyes are opened to this OW, to really see. -RJ- I hope I have not offended.

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 107

I told him every time he has left. Do not come back and bring her with you. She is not welcome in my life in any way. He will say it is over with and come back and she will start calling
His mother pasted away this morning. I was with her when she went home. I loved her like she was my own.
Please pray for the family, not all of them are saved.
Thank each and everyone of you for all your support you can not know how much it means to me.

secured · Full Member Joined: 30 Jan 2008 Posts: 113

I'm so sorry for your loss. Have you heard from your husband? How is he taking his mother's death? I'm praying for both of you and the other family members.

Just my $.02 worth, but I would make sure that a condition of his coming home is that ALL contact is to be severed. He needs to show you that he is serious this time or no coming home. He needs to make a concrete effort to make sure this woman cannot contact him in any way. You said you tell him this every time but it doesn't seem like he takes you seriously. I'll pray that God will give you the strength to be strong. It seems like he needs to make a choice, period. It's up to you whether or not you can live in this yo-yo world he has created. You are a much stronger woman than I am in going through this for so long. This is where my stubborness would kick in. Wink

About my advice, take or toss. Ultimately, how is it that you want to live the rest of your life? It's your choice too. God bless you, -RJ-

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 107

Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers.
I was with my mother in law when she went to heaven. I called my husband when it happened but I also called his brothers and sisters.
Thier father and I were the only ones there. She had been home for six months waiting. I could not stand the thought of her husband trying to deal with her death alone so when I knew the time was getting close I started staying there at night. None of the children would do this. I also work a full time job but as you know God gives us strengh when we need it most.
My husband ask me to go to the funeral home with them to make arrangements which I did then he went back to this other woman and I went to work. When I got off yesterday I saw that my father in law was being taken care of so I went home went to bed and sleep and slept till time to get up and go to work this morning. I have not heard from my husband since yesterday morning.
When all the family and friends go away again I will go back and take care of my father in law. I promised him I would be there for him and with Gods help I plan on keeping that promise. I have lost both of my parents and have always felt my inlaws were my parents also.
Please continue to pray

secured · Full Member Joined: 30 Jan 2008 Posts: 113

((((((((Elligirl))))))))

You are an amazing woman. What a comfort you must have been and still are to your in-laws. I was with my precious Dad when he went to Heaven in 2004. I know how gut-wrenching it can be, but to know we will see them again is so fulfilling and freeing.

Strength from God is awesome and sometimes quite unbelievable, isn't it? When you talked about the care you were giving your in-laws amist your trials with their son, I instantly thought of Ruth. I know the situations are different but I still find similiarities because of your faithfulness to them. In Ruth Chapter 2, verses 11,12, I see you. I pray verse 12 is granted unto you, abundantly. When it comes down to it. we cannot change our husbands only God can do that. We are, however, not to be in despair. Easy? No, dear sister, it's not. I find when I am having a very trying day, I read scripture concerning my feelings. Here are a few that have helped me. I hope they are helpful to you.

GOD is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble

Cease striving and know that I am GOD....

The Lord of hosts is with us.....

Ps. 46:1, 10,11

Here's one that took a little time for me to understand because of exulting in our tribulations but when I read it all it makes sense.

Therefore having been justified by faith, we have PEACE with GOD through our LORD JESUS CHRIST, 2. through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of GOD.
(Here goes)
3. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4. and perseverance, proven character and proven character, hope 5. and hope does not disappoint, because the love of GOD has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given us.

We just need to keep doing what we know God wants us to do. Keep remembering what satan means for evil, GOD means for good. I find what helps too, is that I will try very hard not to give this day over to satan. Life is so short. (We are only a vapor.) Just remember this world is not reality, Heaven is our reality. Eternal life - that's our reality. God bless you, Elligirl. May you feel GOD's comfort today and for all your tomorrows. -RJ-

p.s. Very Happy

Smile!!When we've done that we've beaten the ole devil one more time.

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 107

Thank you for your kind words.
I have prayed that Gods love shine through me when I have nothing of my own to give.
I pray that God will take the human out of me and replace it with Himself.
God has and is using this situation. I know he has worked in my heart and my life and believe he is working in my husbands.
I am nothing God is everything.

secured · Full Member Joined: 30 Jan 2008 Posts: 113

Elligirl,

I hope you are having a wonderful morning. You have really been on my mind. I know the services for your MIL are coming up and just want you to know that you are being lifted up in prayer. RJ

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 107

Thank you so much RJ.

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 107

My husband came Saturday and got the rest of his things from the house. It is so empty now. It hurts me to look at it knowing where all the things have gone and for what purpose. Everyone is telling me to get over this. I think they are bored with hearing about it. I really don't blame them for that, I probably would be too.
I saw them at Wal Mart yesterday my husband got mad at me because i walked up to him and talked. I did talk to them both and did not say anything to offend her. But I did tell her I loved my husband and always would.
I read in my Bible last night where God ordained marriage for life. It was men in the Bible that allowed for divorce
I just want my life back, I want the Godly man I have prayed so long for my husband to be. I started praying that prayer soon after this affair started but before I knew about it. When I learned of the affair my prayer came to mind. I believed God was going to use this to bring about an answer.
Maybe everyone is right, maybe I am stupid.
But I believe "Faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen"

greenwidow · Full Member Joined: 14 Aug 2006 Posts: 112

Even if things turn out in your favor and you go through a reconciliation with your husband, your friends will get bored with it.

Elligirl · Full Member Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 107

I'm sorry to confuse you I do still feel married but sometimes do not say what I mean. Yes the divorce was legal.
I told someone one time I had been fired from a job when I had actually quit.
When I get upset I sometimes say thing backwards.
He has constantly referred to me as his wife. When my MIL passed away he had me listed as his wife in the paper.
I'm sorry for the confusion
Guess I'll start hitting the preview button before I post.

greenwidow · Full Member Joined: 14 Aug 2006 Posts: 112

Okay, my advice is going to be way different than if you were legally married.

You don't have to go about the business of "getting over it," because that will happen in time, if there is little interaction. Every day there is less and less. If you didn't want to be here, the time to fight for the marriage was before the divorce.

I seem to recall that you are tied financially to this man. You couldn't sell a property that was jointly owned. You must have had the worst attorney in the world; as the first thing that is usually done is the property and financial obligations are neatly severed.

The position that you are placed in, is that you are still a financial partner with a man that you:

1. Cannot trust.
2. Expects for you to financially support him and his main squeeze.
3. Knows that you are so tied to daily reminders of him that it will be difficult for you to even move on to daily functioning, let alone a life style that might let you open to a loving, christian relationship in the future.

He has left you. You did give him a writ of divorce. He may want to return at sometime in the future, but right now, talking about it isn't getting it done. The loneliness that you feel will continue to eat at you until you put it in God's hands and if it will be, it will be.

If you are looking for solutions at putting this back together. Take a look at divorcebusting.com. They have a philosophy that no marriage should have to experience divorce. There is a book by the same name by Michele Weiner-Davis. She doesn't represent herself as a Christian counselor. I believe she grew up Jewish? What I did like about her resume was that she found herself swimming upstream against others in her field. More and more professionals in counseling like to cut to the chase that divorce is bound to happen, so let's get on to recovery. She hated that attitude and began really counseling couples to reconcile in all but the worst of cases.

There are several stories like yours and advice on getting it back on the right track. You can not change him, but you can change the way that you react to him. That will arouse his curiosity. It also gives you time to analyze what has happened and what needs to happen in your life.

What he is doing right now is not loving. I know I sound like a broken record, but read 1 Corinthians 13 and hold it up to him. This man has a long way to come in being the spiritual leader in your household. It can happen, but he has a long way to go. He might have a totally different meaning in mind when he tells you he still feels like he is married to you. You might not like to hear that definition.

When your MIL died, did he take this woman to the funeral?

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