MRSI
Newbie
Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 1
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 Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 11:45 pm Post subject: LIVING IN THE PAST... |
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My husband and I are both active duty in the Navy, we met November 2005, married March 2006. We were so happy and in love... in the few months we courted, we felt like we were soul mates-i mean everything just seemed perfect. We both grew up chritians, had same morals, dreams, ambitions. In the process to get to know each other we talked about our past relationships, I have to be honest I have made so many mistakes, so i kept a journal, several in fact hidden away. well when we moved in together they came up and being open I let him in... to this day I regret it, I believe in being COMPLETELY open with your spouse, but some things i believe need to stay in your heart, especially if ive asked for forgivness. Well unfortunauly my husband isnt as forgiving as God is, and after several acusations, fights etc about it. I burned them, which made me feel better. Well he went on a 6 month deployment (his first) and it was miserable, we were newlyweds, and he was miserable hating everyday, I was doing my best to keep his hopes up back home. But all the acusations again, and the fights and over and over agian. (neither one of us cheated) He already said that he has forgiven me, I dont understand why he keeps bringing this up- so he came home and he was different, i expected to pick up right where we left off!
Well we didnt everything was different marriage was hard-he wanted to be all by himself and I wanted to be with him all the time-So we talk about what was wrong and we'd fight again... So Im thinking that we dont even know how to talk to each other. A couple months later we went home to meet his family... wonderful people I loved them, but going home dug up alot of his past, which he still talks about, and hates, and he even has nightmares about his father beating him.
We came home and found out we're pregnant!!! Which is good news, but we still have issuses, the other day we were talking and he brought up my past agian, and the ohter men I was with and he compares himself to them. And he accuses me of thinking of them all the time, which i never do unless he brings it up! So I got tired of hearing it and I told him that we need counseling bc if we cant get a long now, how are we going to raise our child to love and respect us, if we dont respect each other. I just dont think hes happy and weve only been married a year!
At first he was so excited about our baby, now he doesnt know, he tells me he hats his life, he hates everything-I found a church that i really want to go to, and waited for him to come home so we could enjoy it together, but every Sunday hes got an excuse or says go ahead Ill be here when you get back-I just dont know what to do! His unhappiness is taking all the joy out of being married for me, I really really love him and i just dont know what to do anymore! I try to be so strong, but i end up getting mad.I just dont know what to do anymore- I want to start church, but i cant get him to go! I want to have God centered in our releationship but we are both to selfish... Some advice PLEASE... Im getting desperate... |
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greenwidow
Full Member
Joined: 14 Aug 2006
Posts: 112
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| Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 8:16 pm Post subject: be cool |
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Your husband loves you, but is returning from a terrible place. He is going to need time and counciling to return to you as God desires. Love him presently and ask him to read 1 Corinthians 13 with you. Love him with all your heart and let him know that he is the man that you will follow through with. The military is a really hard life to live through. You will survive, but you might want to find a support group with other military wives.
Lisa |
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SAM
Veteran
Joined: 03 Mar 2001
Posts: 2041
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2007 12:30 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I told him that we need counseling bc if we cant get a long now, how are we going to raise our child to love and respect us, if we dont respect each other. |
This is very wise. Because you have some little being now to think about instead of yourselves. If your husband will not go with you, then please go by yourself. It will help give you perspective and tools that will help you in your relationship with your husband.
I was a military brat - 20 years my dad was in the Army. This is not an easy life for married people or for children. As a husband and wife it's important to get yourselves on solid footing relationally. There may be an issue of trust or lack thereof with your husband and your past.
And spiritually... how can you reconnect and stay that way? Being in love is wonderful at first and it seem so easy, now the hard work begins to stay dedicated to the promises you made the day you were married.
You can work on you - that you can change. As for your husband... that work is up to God. It's time to start praying for him. I highly recommend The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O'Martian. |
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