Knowing your spouse was from God - Choosing a spouse

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

The Christian growth process is similar to the Human growth cycle. Some people feel more comfortable marrying someone close to their own age while others can marry someone 10 or 15 years older or younger and still be comfortable. A Christian marriage can be the same way, how do you handle someone who doesn't have the same interest, resolve, and application as yourself? How does one reconcile their feelings that this person doesn't share the same love and interest in the Lord that I do?

That is a question you could ask for the rest of your life, because even, two equally matched Christians entering marriage will grow at two different speeds, and not always the same speed all of the time. There will certainity be rest stops along the way.

One thing is for sure, your BF knows what he is getting into. You are not a lukewarm Christian. He's not about changing you or making you less of a Christian. Are you salt and light do you create a thirst?

Are you up to the challenge? There is no right answer, what ever you decided God already has a Plan B in place.

Grace · Full Member Joined: 24 May 2001 Posts: 90 Location: IL.

AMEN BROTHER DAVE!!!

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Yep! I definitely feel there is such a thing as spiritual age differences just like you have physical age differences. (it's funny---in my previous relationship there was physical age difference but not much spiritually, but in this relationship its totally opposite).

As long as he doesn't limit his growth potential I'm up for any challenge. I've gotten this sense from him, because he feels that he will not be able to enjoy life or that he will miss out on alot (being the free-spirited person that he is) by becoming a committed christian. He's afraid of not being able to maintain a balance. Keeps saying as long as he can live a "balanced life" he has no problem giving God complete control.

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

He just wants to be able to still do certain things w/o having to beat himself up. Like go out dancing w/ his wife, be in the company of non-Christians, go out for a glass of wine, watch certain movies, listen to certain music, etc as long as it's not corrupting him. I think he has a "legalist" view of Christianity at times which I've explained its more about a relationship than rules. He's afraid of being a "holy roller" as he calls it. An extremist. Doesn't want to be so strict that he can't do certain things.

Grace · Full Member Joined: 24 May 2001 Posts: 90 Location: IL.

Man, I can relate to that Danielle. I once wanted to be able to do everything I wanted too. I was always worried about giving up something. My friend said to me, "You don't have to give up a thing." She was absolutely right. To have a relationship with Jesus Christ I didn't have to give up a thing, but...
I wanted to eventually. I think that is the hardest thing to get people to understand about Christianity. And how do you explain it to them anyway? ??? Grace

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Grace:
The way my pastor explained is that we freedom in Christ (more freedom than living in the world even) but we also have to sacrifice things because he sacrificed for us. It makes sense to me.

Davep:
I think he's gotten this view from growing up with strict parents, and from previous churches he belonged when growing up. He's also afraid that I will become a holy roller because of how devout my walk is at such a young age (29), whereas most 29 yr olds are not as devout in their walk. He doesn't want me to be sooooo mature in my walk by age 40, that I will be out of touch or something with what my children will go through & experience in this life. I've assured him time & time again that I don't see that happening, but that I can't predict how my walk will be by then either.

I haven't experienced alot of "normal" things that he did in life---partying, getting in trouble, etc. too, so we can't always relate, but I do understand where he's coming from eventhough I may not be able to relate. Plus just given his nature---rebellious, non-conformist, leader----he hates being told what to do, or having to follow something. Likes to find things out on his own and doesn't care for authority too much. But he's growing day by day.

Oh! And the basis of my fear is that I think he will limit himself in his walk, because of all his fears & concerns. That he won't give God control, be led by the Spirit and just allow God to shape and mold him.

Janine · Posted: Wed Jul 17, 2002 11:10 am Post subject:

Danielle, so much about how you're describing him could either be the seeds of a brilliant godly leader later in life.... or the seeds of such rebellious weeds of self-indulgence and babyish whining as to shame the devil.

Everything depends on whether the man really wants to follow God or not. Whether he really wants to be the godly husband/leader/partner, or whether he's more concerned about having whatever he thinks he's entitled to.

Christian or not, the best husbands (and wives) decide they're going to serve their spouses for the rest of their lives, giving up their own desires and dreams for desires and dreams they build up together.

You probably can't over-consider this subject... but if it feels like you're thinking in circles, just back off, pray and try to approach it from a ****-eyed new angle for fresh insight. Smile

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

Quote:

I haven't experienced alot of "normal" things that he did in life---partying, getting in trouble, etc

There lies the difference in your comparative viewpoint. What appears to you as his nature---rebellious, non-conformist, leader could be attributed to many if not most other young men. The worse thing that one Christian can do to another Christian is attempt to make them into a better one, no matter the intentions, no matter how loving it is done, and no matter how helpful they thing they are being.

Unless someone asks for a piggyback-ride, let them do thier own walking, even if they want to walk bare-footed.

We all grow with time :unclesam:

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Hey Davep,

Those qualities were told to me "straight out of the horse's mouth." He told me that these are the qualities of his nature that make it hard for him to take up this Christian walk at times. Not qualities I think he has from my own viewpoints. I'm definitely not trying to do any changing--God is the potter. Smile

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

Danielle

I was a little unclear.

Your BF in his past, had the chance to experience his wild side. If you had a similar wild side there wouldn't be as much contrast, and you would know where is coming from. A better example is two people who meet, and the guy is from New York City, and the lady is from a small farming town in South Dakota. Because of their relatively different backgrounds each one notices the differences even more, that is they stand out, they are more apparent to the other one. If they both had come from New York, they wouldn't notice any differences, in fact they would never cross their minds.

Quote:

I haven't experienced alot of "normal" things that he did in life---partying, getting in trouble, etc

I can tell you your BF experiences are pretty normal, for men. And I be willing to bet that the vast majority of men had some wild times, before getting married.

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Hi Davep,
Oh yeah---I definitely know guys experience wild times. And he wasn't really a party animal persay. He says sometimes he likes to do wrong---saying a curse word if he feels like it, etc.

I've lived a pretty sheltered life, being an only child and pretty shy & introverted.

BUT....back to the topic at hand----should a person "just know" if someone is from God? Should they have to 2nd-guess, wait around, analyze stuff & take their time????

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

Danielle

My Opinion.

God's Will, has been clearly layed out in the Bible. The details of his Plan are explained in the Bible only to the extent that he wanted us to know and to the extent we could possiblly understand those details given. When you look at your actions, thoughts, and deeds, you can determine if they are in confromity to the God's Word, by reading the Bible, praying for wisdom, and the counsel of other trusted Christians. Then you learn to walk freely; God doesn't want us to walk with crutches on, we are not to worry and second guess.

MT 6:25-27
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

There was an old twightlight zone episode in which a couple, while waiting for their car to be repaired go into the next door diner to have a cup of coffee. On the table is one of those fortune card machines. The husband puts his dime in, and gets a card. Like any future fortune, they laugh and chuckle at it. But the future forture happens. Then the wife does the same.

The car is repaired, and they leave town. But the following week they come back to the diner, because the fortune cards came true. They sit and have coffee, and get several more fortune cards out of the machine.

What happens is the fortune cards tells them what is going to happen in the future, they always come true, and they become addicted to knowing what is going to happen. They come back every week and can no longer live their lives without the comfirmation of the future

Mistakes are a part of the Christian Life, our parents give us guidelines and boundaries, but we don't sit over our kids and insure every thought, action, and deed is according to our will and plan for our kids. As parents we don't pick our kid's BF's and GF's nor their sposes, and neither does God. God is a parent over his creatures, he gives us direction, he does not give us "the decisions"; we must make them ourselves.

God is interested in the Big Picture, focus on the forest and not the trees. While the trees making up the forest are very important, you can't allow yourself to be hypnotise by the thought process involved in your decision making.

We no longer have arranged marriages. We chose for Love. God doesn't arrange our marriage, he gave us a heart and a brain to arrange our own marriages. He can work with any decision we make.

The Christian Life is an open-book test. We receive direction to the extent it has been written.

Additional Reading:
Knowing God's Will?
Can I know God's Will

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Good answer!

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