Knowing your spouse was from God - Choosing a spouse

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Good point Davep! Many a husbands have been won over by wives.

I can be patient, as long as that husband is willing & able to follow Christ, and has a heart that hungers for God and demonstrates this hunger. If he is genuinely thirsty for him and it's in his heart, but not going through the motions. Open to the Spirit. I think that husband has got to sincerely WANT God. No desire, no progress. At least for me, that would be what I can deal with.

To take that question even further, what if you desire certain "spiritual" qualities that may not be within that person's nature, character or personality? Should I expect them to possibly change as he grows or just accept that is who they are and they may never be a certain way?

For instance, if I desire a husband who is very vocal about their faith (talks about the goodness of God alot, praises him openly in church, etc.) but I'm dating someone who is the quiet-type when it comes to their faith and not very outgoing or extroverted, should I accept that?

Can a person desire certain "spiritual qualites" the same way they desire "physical qualities?"

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

Grace · Full Member Joined: 24 May 2001 Posts: 90 Location: IL.

jumping in here to say, I don't know how I got my husband, I think God was looking out for me! How did I know he was from God? I think this is a hind site question. As Dave P said, I think God's plan unfolded. I think it's beautiful. Try not to guess why? Just enjoy. Very Happy

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Davep,
Yeah....ingredients....that's the question! He's coming around slowly. He's giving up the battle. He's been fighting it and hasn't been willing but he keeps saying that God is breaking him. Brokenness is a beautiful thing!

Grace---good point! Just enjoy.

One more thing:

But what about the tendency for the weaker believer to pull down the stronger believer? If the wife is usually the stronger one, and the husband the "hibernating" one (though he's the leader) can't her walk suffer? It's been said to marry someone who will help your grow closer to Christ, and not away from him. Someone who can help you obey God, and keep you accountable in your walk. Can this happen if your mate is not strong in Christ? Or should one just wait until they are "ripe" before your marry??????

Janine · Posted: Fri Jul 12, 2002 9:27 am Post subject:

You could marry a spiritual giant with 43 spiritual gifts who's so close to God he calls Him by His middle name... and still "fall off the bandwagon" yourself.

No amount of wonderful teamwork with a strong partner can keep you straight unless you've committed yourself to God, yourself.

Until you have all this stuff ironed out in your mind, do not marry. Or, if you're willing to forge ahead in your own glorious walk with God, whether or not hubby does his bit, then marry.

You've got to be settled and committed until death parts you either way. Cool

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

These are tough questions.

I have seen the reverse sitituation. A case in which several men came to Christ, due to seeing changes in their other males friends. Guys changing Guys.

In this one case the Man came to Jesus, wanted to activate his faith, by it was his wife who though a Christian, had no interest in a going to church, or being active in her faith. Many Christian simply believe in God, believe Jesus because of the great movies they have seen, and dieing gets you into heaven.

It is hard for him, the kids and him go to church. He prays with his kids, and they go to youth group. The wife feels alienated from and because of his faith and the fact it is acted out and seen. He is almost starting from ground zero. It sounds like your BF has more going for him and more of the basic ingredients.

It's God's timing not yours. I know we hear that, but we don't want to apply it to our situtations.

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

true, you could fall off but I think it would be a lesser chance than if both are strong Christians. Not that you would be depending on anyone to help you stay committed----they would just enhance, and encourage. An inspiration one could say. Smile

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Davep, this is how.....(taken from an article a co-worker emailed to me)

"Picture two oxen both with lame right legs joined together at the yolk to pull their burden. They would only be able to pull in a circle. Or two oxen pulling in different directions. Neither would get very far. When we choose relationships that are not pulling in the same direction it weakens both. It is not enough to just believe in God and be a believer. Both must believe and take a stand in the same way.

If both are going in different directions then there is no oneness to the relationship. Their relationship must compliment one another. Being unequally yoked is when two are pulling in different directions. A believer should marry a like-minded believer and not to do so would be to say the least, risky. We have seen many instances where a stronger Christian married a "Professing Christian" who has little or no desire to truly follow the Lord's directions for marriage and life.

Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpen iron, So one man sharpens another.

Amos 3:3 Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?

Whether it be a business partner, friendship or a lifetime mate, be equally yoked, like-minded. Walk together in agreement and one will sharpen the other. For as in all things you are a team, working together for a like cause. This is the success of all relationships. Especially those in Christ."

I've seen it happen. The stronger believer will stop reading, praying, hanging out with other Christians etc. I couldn't tell you the exact reason why it happens, but it does. Interesting huh?

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

I agree that a non-believer can pull down a believer, by the sheer force of the differences between them, because they're not even in the same ballpark. But two people who both believe in Christ who are in the same ballpark and on the same team, that is something totally different.

How about this case where you have two equally mature Chirstians, and years later the so-called strong christian becomes the weaker one?

What force do they have, what magical words do they use? How does the weaker person have so much control over the stronger person. A weak person can get you to stop reading the bible? That is amazing, how is that done. Can a weak person also get you to stop going to church?

How could anyone make you "Danielle" weaker?

Then answer the question this way, how does someone else make you, weaker? :blush:

If you can't answer that question, then how will you be prepared for any weaker Christains you encounter? Or can only weak spouses pull down a stronger believer? If you don't know, you have just given satan his angle.

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

Hi Davep,
I think it can (possibly) go either way. Even if you have 2 believers, both in Christ, if they are not "like-minded" believers it can have the same effect. The effect is even greater however if you are unequally yoked. If I'm serious about serving God, and he's first, but and my mate isn't--this is an example of both being believers but not like-minded. We all know there are Christians and then there are serious or practicing Christians. It's not enough just to believe. You have to be walking the walk & talking the talk. At least in my book. Wink

Maybe "weaker" isn't be best word. However being drawn away from Christ looks. That's what I mean. Not necessarily stopping altogether what they do (read, pray, etc.) I meant it can decrease. It can have a negative effect on that person's walk. Like they say, a person you are in a relationship with will either draw you closer or away from Christ, so if he isn't drawing you closer then he's drawing you away, more than likely.

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

If you feel venerable that your BF could somehow weaken your walk, then that is an issue you must contend with. But is this an issue of him weaken you, or him not become a stronger more mature Christian?

If you fear that he will pull you down, that is one thing. But isn't the issue here, that he wouldn't grow, or he won't grow to a place that you are comfortable with, and can enjoy his walk together with yours?

Does like minded mean like, close, or similar walks? :rolleyes:

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

I guess one could say that both could happen. They are almost one in the same (if he isn't growing, then he is weakening the team).

You know that saying a chain is only as strong as it's weakest link?

Yes, like-minded, means you are alike. Similar. Agreed. On one accord, etc.....

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

Question:
Is having a BF/spouse who is like minded, a requirement or is it ideal for a marriage? Is it a deal maker or is it a deal breaker?

This is a question only you can answer. While you can pray, God gives wisdom and direction, he does make decisions for us, but rather gives options and alternatives to the same goal, i.e. his will.

PS 139:23-24
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

I agree. (just don't want to mess up the free will he's given us-----eventhough people say he will "bless your mess.") I'm sure its just the perfectionist in me! :crazy:

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