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SAM
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Joined: 03 Mar 2001
Posts: 1950
Location: Chicago
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 Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 12:08 pm Post subject: |
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I like that a lot, RD. 
I have Isaiah 41:13 taped to outside my computer screen -
I am holding you by your right hand - I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, "Do not be afraid. I am here to help you." |
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rdsmith3
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Joined: 04 Oct 2006
Posts: 313
Location: NJ
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| Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 12:30 pm Post subject: |
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Luci Cate,
Is the counselor somehow implying that your husband is not responsible for his actions? Or is he making it clear that your husband is fully accountable, that his behavior is sinful and damages the marriage, and that he has to go through a process of changing from within to purge this behavior? If it is the latter, then is this an issue of how one labels it, or is the issue that the counselor is minimizing how ingrained the sinful behavior is, which affects the treatment? |
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rdsmith3
Veteran
Joined: 04 Oct 2006
Posts: 313
Location: NJ
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| Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 12:32 pm Post subject: |
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| SAM wrote: | I like that a lot, RD.
I have Isaiah 41:13 taped to outside my computer screen -
I am holding you by your right hand - I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, "Do not be afraid. I am here to help you." |
I like that one. This could be a whole separate topic.
I just put Philippians 2:3-4 on the refrigerator
Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
It is for the whole family, but especially the kids who are out of school for the summer and bickering with each other. |
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Luci Cate
Newbie
Joined: 10 Jul 2007
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 1:44 pm Post subject: |
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| rdsmith3 wrote: | Luci Cate,
Is the counselor somehow implying that your husband is not responsible for his actions? Or is he making it clear that your husband is fully accountable, that his behavior is sinful and damages the marriage, and that he has to go through a process of changing from within to purge this behavior? If it is the latter, then is this an issue of how one labels it, or is the issue that the counselor is minimizing how ingrained the sinful behavior is, which affects the treatment? |
The counselor has said that he is responsible for his actions, and that he does have to change from within and toward God to change. But- sin is sin, so calling is something specific doesn't really matter (so he is saying), so long as the sinner confesses and repents of it. That is true, but depending on what the sin is will depend on the course of therapy and treatment we *and* he needs to take. He has not seen the need to distinguish that part of it, how to address this specfic sin of sexual compulsive behavior/addiction. And from what I've read, this never just 'goes away', it may be a constant temptation at various times in life. And, This specific type of sin directly affects our relationship on a much deeper level than say he had commited the sin of Grand Theft Auto.
This is why I felt lost in during these sessions. If he had been an alcoholic, he would have been given specific treatment options for that, and then we would move to the marriage issues and possible steps toward reconciliation. I have suffered greatly from this behavior and the lies & deception that have surrounded it. I don't have any idea how to work through this specific issue. Counselors are human and everyone has commitments in their lives. I'm trying to remember that too. |
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rdsmith3
Veteran
Joined: 04 Oct 2006
Posts: 313
Location: NJ
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| Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 2:30 pm Post subject: |
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Based on what you are saying, I think you are 100% right. Remember that you are defending the truth, but not yourself, so try not to take it personally (I know that is hard to do).
My 17 yo son is in a residential facility (secular) for some issues he has and we have been frustrated with this place since almost day 1 last November. I really understand how wearying it can be to fight for what you know to be true, but other people don't seem to get it.
In my personal (and biased) experience, it is very difficult to make progress with persons with addictions until those addictions are somewhat under control. The addiction is like worshipping an idol. They are slaves to the idol; they are not worshipping the one true God that they should be worshipping. Until the person recognizes that he/she has placed an idol before God, and until the person has a desire to make right the relationship with God, I do not understand how they can begin the process of change from within.
Your husband (and the counselor) needs to keep in mind Ephesians 4:17-24
| Quote: | | Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. |
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Luci Cate
Newbie
Joined: 10 Jul 2007
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 1:22 pm Post subject: |
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You're right RD. This is making me weary, it seems to never end. My husband says he has stopped the behavior completely, it's the 'calling it what it is' part that he's still resistant to. We had a heated discussion about this last night...aka- pretty bad argument. He says he sees my point, blah blah blah. He said if I feel as I do about it I should talk to the counselor and let him know how I feel. I can't stand being in this position- trying to convince the truth. DH says he believes it is what it is now, but we had to have yet another 'discussion' and blow up to get there. Sam, maybe you're right too, I need to talk to the counselor again about this.
I'm so sorry to hear about your son. I hope you are seeing positive progress and will get the support you need and seek. I've said a prayer for you both today. Thank you for your encouragment & support, - I truly appreciate it. |
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