It is hard

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 174

I have read several good books and I feel I have learned a lot.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1989 Location: Chicago

Ok, I have to ask.

If he has no intention of ending his relationship with OW and participating in marital counseling, then why is he back in your home?

His influence with your daughter is detrimental to her well-being and respect for you. And, he is showing her that disrespect of her mother is acceptable behavior. I worry and pray for her, that she sees this example from her father and that it will make her feel it is acceptable to let men in her life treat her as less that a cherished treasure.

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 174

Hi SAM,

The law in FL says its his house and I cannot keep him from coming in or out. I spoke with Legal and a Family Law lawyer.

Since there is no legal separation in this state, I have no grounds to keep him out.

The only way out is divorce which I'm not ready to file since I'm not the one who doesn't want the marriage.

He's depositing the same amount of money in our joint account, so I am praying daily for God to lead me. I am trying to encourage myself as David did and stand on the promise that no weapon formed against me shall prosper.

Your thoughts?

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1989 Location: Chicago

Oh my! You are in a dilemma.

I'm grateful you are standing on the words of our Divine Mentor - David.
I will continue to lift you and your marriage up in prayer.

Can you go to your pastor and elders and ask them to pray over you and pray for your marriage? There is such strength - when two or more are gathered in prayer. It has helped me tremendously in the past.

Are you able to meet with someone for counseling? If expenses are an issue - there are many ways to find assistance that is not expensive through county and local agencies.

In the meantime, I would ask my husband once a week if he is ready for a counseling appointment. You may be a broken record.

I am so sorry this is such a time of challenge for you. I believe you will be honored and blessed for your decision to hold on to God's promises. I will also pray that God pierces your husband's heart to see God's truth for his life and for your marriage. And, I will continue to pray for your daughter and the strength and guidance you need for her.

Does your husband know you are aware of the OW?
Does he have any Christian men in his life who would be willing to speak truth to him?

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 174

Hello,

My pastor agrees with filing for divorce since this has been going on for 2 years and getting stronger. Its just not that one woman. Last week my H sent an email to his friend about a woman he met 3 weeks ago and that the woman agrees to come here and meet with him often. She has his photo and he bragged that he spoke with her 5 or 6 times last Tues.

I have asked and he told his friend the more I bug him the more he wants to talk with his co-workers.

He is happy being in the bedroom. Today he dropped our daughter off and told her he's be right back but when she called him, he told her he was at the beach, so she called me to pick her up. Now what stopped him at the beach to make him not go pick her up? Only time will tell when I see his next cell bill.

It would be easier if he were not in the house but he watches movies and talks on the phone and on his computer using Instant messaging.

The last 6 months of cell bill shows the OW on there 90% of the time.

His Godly friends, he does not have time for and each time one of them calls he says he'll call them back but he never does. The ones that are telling him to have fun playing around but be careful, are the ones he's talking to.

I do want him out, however the lawyer said for me not to move out, so this could go on for a long time as he has that self-control in that area of showing me what he will and will not do.

I'm not sure if I shouldn't file but I do not want to get ahead of God.

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 174

I am in counseling once a week but I feel that although its helping me, I don't see myself living in these conditions forever, especially since my husband doesn't want to work on the marriage. He just needs a place to stay to keep down his expenses.

resecured · Full Member Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 152

(((((ladyt)))))

Please know that you have so many people praying for you right now. Please stay in touch and let us know how you want us to continue to pray for you and your family.

-RJ-

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 174

I pray that God's will be done in my marriage and I'm prepared for either answer. I do pray that my H's will is broken and that he is saved.

resecured · Full Member Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 152

You, dear sister, are an amazingly strong woman. I will pray precisely for what you have asked, and I'm sure others will also.

-RJ-

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 174

Thanks so much. I thank God for how he uses anything he wants to to get to his people. I thank him for this site and just for his mercy and grace he has shown towards me.

My daughter and I had a good day today. She has agreed to go to counseling again and right now it will only involve the two of us, not her father as he is not interested.

I love him enough to let him go so he can be what he thinks is a happier life.

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 174

I just asked him if I decided to file for divorce would he contest it and he asked is that (divorce) always on my mind? Mine you if I had answered a question with a question, he'd be dogging me out.

However, I told him I do not see myself living like this until the end of my life. Also I would be thinking of his happiness as well as our daughter. He's been back in the house 10 days and he has not made one move toward reconciliation, so action speaks louder than words. He left to pick up our daughter w/o answering the question.

I don't want to put money into it if he will contest it. The cost range from $1,200 to 5,000, non-refundable.

resecured · Full Member Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 152

Oh! I'm so overjoyed that your daughter is going to go to counseling. Ladyt, we just never know how God is going to go about doing His will. Just when we think He's not hearing us, there's a glimmer of hope put before us. Maybe you and your daughter will be able to really delve and deal with the layers of hurt you are both experiencing wiith your husband not there. I pray though that he will see clearly that he needs to become a part of the counseling also.

Will be praying that mighty things happen with your counseling sessions.

-RJ-

resecured · Full Member Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 152

So, does he not want a divorce then? Has he even said what he wants out of this marriage?

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 174

I went into my spill when this or that I feel ________.

Then ask he would comment on anythung and he said whatever. That's the asnwer to my question. "Whatever."

resecured · Full Member Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 152

(((((ladyt)))))

That must be so frustrating!!!!! What does your counselor say you should do when he talks like that, and treats you like that?

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