Is what we're doing in the bedroom wrong

dustildawn

Lately, my husband has wanted to try new things. I agree because I really want to please him. After the birth of my last child, my body has changed. I gained some weight and I am extremely insecure about it. So I am willing to try new things because I'm afraid he doesn't find me attractive anymore. Anyway, my husband wanted to try anal sex. I agreed and he seemed to love it, but it made me feel even more insecure, like vaginal intercourse wasn't satisfying enough. I also wonder if God would approve. Is this perversion? I really feel inadequate and depressed now. I hope someone can give me some insight on this. Is it wrong? I know sodomy is an abomination to God, but does that only mean in homosexuality?

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1862 Location: Chicago

This is a huge issue with many Christian couples - so here goes:

1 Corinthians 10:23
"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive.

If there is shame, guilt or pain then anal sex is not constructive or beneficial to the marriage bed. Some couples do enjoy anal stimulation, but not necessarily penetration. There needs to be very honest and open discussion about this and it should not be sprung on you in the heat of the moment. Loving consideration, comfort, gentleness and grace - nothing that is forced. And, it if still makes you uncomfortable, the subject needs to be set aside for awhile - no begging, pleading, guilt or shame should be laid on your marriage bed.

Here's a great response I saw awhile back from Michael Smalley's blog:

The attitude of something being "dirty" is the very attitude I don’t like within the Christian community. It feels like few people want to have a healthy and honoring discussion about these issues.

So here we go again:

The Bible says, "To the pure, all things are pure." (Titus 1:15) The Lord created your body, and no part of it is imperfect or unclean. God also created our bodies for pleasure, and anal sex is just one of the many ways, including standard sexual intercourse, that we can enjoy this pleasure and share it with our spouse.

Although the anus is used for elimination, in reality it is not as dirty as you think, especially after a shower or bath. Elimination is also a natural process of our God-given bodies, so our conception of the anal area as dirty has more to do with our own psychological hang-ups. If the idea of direct contact with this area is still distasteful to you, the male can wear a condom as a barrier.

Here's a great article that I came across in Growthtrac that you might enjoy reading.

http://www.growthtrac.com/artman/publish/what-is-not-okay-in-bed-673.php

km · Junior Member Joined: 21 Dec 2007 Posts: 29

A general thought to apply to anything "different" he wants to try: it just means he wants to try something different - or something more.

Men like to try things that are different or beyond what they've done before. It is one of the ways that we are wired.

It doesn't mean that there was anything less than satisfactory about anything that's been done before. It might even mean that everything else is very good (so good that he wants to take things farther).

stella · Newbie Joined: 03 May 2008 Posts: 2

This is sodomy-- condemned by the Bible and VERY unhealthy for you. Research all of the health problems associated with this and you'll never let your husband do this to you again. It makes me so sad that a husband would request this of his wife.

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 309 Location: In Prayer

Can you tell me what scripture condemns this between a married couple?

In a healthy marriage, isn't it at the discretion of the couple especially if done with care, cleanliness and precaution?

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