Is there something wrong with me?

foenyxhealing · Newbie Joined: 03 Dec 2006 Posts: 7

I just found proof on Sunday that my husband was cheating. Normally I would fall apart. Yet, maybe it was because my quest into faith and healing came before that, but I am calm for the most part, with only a few times of crying.

This is not me. I usually sob like the world has ended when we fight. I get angry and yell and say hurtful things. Instead, I just love him. I feel like forgiving him and just concentrating on what went wrong that led to the affair. I can imagine life without him, and am making preparations, yet I still want to be with him and love him.

Has anyone else had this? Is this a delayed reaction? Should I be preparing myself for being bowled over by emotions suddenly when I am doing dishes or something like that?

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2041 Location: Chicago

Everyone reacts differently.
Perhaps you are in a state of being numb right now?

As for healing and reconciliation - you will need counseling to get beyond this to discover what is at the root of the breakdown in your marriage and his desire to have an affair. Otherwise, you could be looking at a repeat situation down the road. If he is willing to go to counseling, it will help you rebuild your trust in him.

Better to do the work now to make your marriage stronger than it has every been.

foenyxhealing · Newbie Joined: 03 Dec 2006 Posts: 7

He had an emotional affair 7yrs ago. We did get help through our pastor at the time, but after 4+ moves, we fell away from finding a church and continuing.

We have an appointment for tomorrow. Right now it is totally uncertain on his part whether our marriage will continue and that is what is concerning me more than the affair.

I feel much better now. Although we are local to the area a local pastor came by today to talk and she assured me that as long as I didn't feel the pressure I ususally do when I repress, it was ok.

It just seems like such a miracle to find such peace after a whole lifetime almost of pain (my childhood issues fed into my marriage problems).

But I suppose I am opening up to the idea that miracles can happen even in my life Smile

grieving wife · Newbie Joined: 20 Nov 2006 Posts: 8

Bree,
I know for me...it's been a cycle. I'll be up, happy & content...then all of a sudden something triggers and I'm back in the pit & hurting desperately. I've learned that what I'm feeling RIGHT NOW...can't be trusted to stay that way permanently. So...when I'm up...I'm happy with that. When I spiral down, I try to do whatever I can to make it as short as possible.

My husband and I are working very diligently to restore our marriage. The "affair" he had, lasted for 7 yrs and ended 5 years ago, but he just confessed it to me 7 months ago. I couldn't have been more shocked! He's been such a godly man, husband and father. He's prayed and fasted on a weekly basis for as long as I've known him (22yrs) and has spent his mornings and spare moments throughout the day in his devotions with the Lord. He has diligently applied himself to scripture and learning and depending on the Lord 24/7... OR SO IT SEEMED! So...for me, things are quite a bit different than what the other stories on this board have been. Here I thought I had this wonderful spiritual leader....and here he's been emotionally attached to a very close friend of mine that I spent time with daily all throughout that time and since! Not to mention she was in hot pursuit of him and undressing with negliees under her clothes etc. to try to entice him. Thankfully he never succombed to her ways! I completely doubt my ability to choose friends that are trustworthy! After this...I just believe anyone is capable of ANYTHING!

I'm having more difficulty forgiving her than I did forgiving him. I haven't applied myself very well to the process of forgiving her...I'm still too angry with her. My time with the Lord has been extremely difficult! I'm glad it's not that way for you. I wish I was drawn to God's Word, but for the past 7 months...it's hurt me more to read it because my husband read diligently and still fell! If he had fallen and gotten back up....I could understand that....but to fall into sin for a 7yr period...I cannot understand how God's Word wouldn't convict him or even in his prayer time find conviction there! So....I struggle with my devotions now.

Ooops...anyway...that started me rambling! I do pray that your husband will choose to stay in your marriage and work through the difficulties. It's truly the best if you can choose to forgive and continue to operate as a family and loving couple...especially when children are involved!

Blessings.

foenyxhealing · Newbie Joined: 03 Dec 2006 Posts: 7

I understand what you mean about not trusting yourself to choose a friend. The last one was a 'friend' and it took a long time to trust myself and other women. Most of my friends now are seperate from us as a couple.

This time danger came in the form of a coworker, so there was nothing I could do to prevent that.

I can only imagine what the years of betrayal has done to you and your ability to trust in anything, even God. Know that the Lord knew what was in his heart the entire time. He may have been mouthing the words, but they had no meaning to him.

I hope you will find meaning in your faith and prayers again soon.

RBrownTN · Junior Member Joined: 04 Nov 2005 Posts: 44

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2041 Location: Chicago

One of the most important things you can do for your marriage is find community and fellowship with other Christians. Develop those deep rooted friendships, where sharing and openness and accountability can be found. When we try and do marriage alone without this type of support system, it's not a good thing. Doing marriage in isolation without community and accountability, leaves the door wide open for temptation to walk right in. This includes finding a church you both love that builds into you as individuals and builds into your marriage.

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