Is the Man really in charge? - the real scoop on partnership

Grace · Full Member Joined: 24 May 2001 Posts: 90 Location: IL.

After a discussion on partnership with my small group, I realized that there are different camps on who is the final authority at home. According to the Bible, the way I read it in the new testament is that both partners are equal. The woman is to submit to her husband. At the same time he is supposed to love her as Christ loved the Church.
Didn't He die for the Church? Didn't he have so much respect for her and commitment to growing her up that he didn't make a move unless it was for edification of the church? Isn't marriage an equal partnership? I hope so for the women in the group! Can someone help me out here. thanks, Grace

GIC · Full Member Joined: 02 Mar 2001 Posts: 102 Location: IL.

Grace,
This is an excellent question. I believe there are different doctrines on this issue. I will search and get back to you.

After we have put it through our decision making process.
(Discussion), usually, one of us feels stronger than the other on every situation. God has a way of making it clear. We pray together. This is a must for all Christian couples. Growing In Christ, Patty

Jujubee · Junior Member Joined: 19 Jun 2002 Posts: 29

Good question!

Ok, my belief on this situation is just this. In your post you say

Quote:

The woman is to submit to her husband.

That being said I feel that the husband is the finally authority in the home. All of your points are valid, and I agree with them. And I really can't think of any major problems that have been decided against my wishes. Whenever something comes up in our life, we talk, pray, and ask for God's leadership. And then we try to do what is right. There have been times when I wanted to handle a situation one way, and hubby wanted to go another direction. For example money, many times people in my family call to ask to borrow money. Money is as tight here as it is at there homes, but they expect us to put something (a bill) off to help them, and up until about a year ago I always did, behind hubby's back usually. Well I started growing in Christ, and growing closer to my husband, and I stopped that. A while ago a family member called wanting to borrow money. I said I'd discuss it with hubby and let them know. I really wanted to loan this person the money because I knew that they really needed it, and they would pay us back on time. We'd loaned them money before, and they were always prompt at paying us back. Hubby said no, I was very upset at the time, but told my family member we couldn't do it. The family member ended up losing their job due to lay offs shortly thereafter, and wouldn't have been able to pay us back either way. If I hadn't submitted to my husbands authority in that matter we'd have been in a world of mess. I've since decided that when in doubt, pray. I pray for God to lead hubby, give him wisdom, courage, and strength to handle any situation. And then I submit to hubby/Christ in hubby.

If Christ is the head of the church, and our husbands are to love us as He loves the church. Then shouldn't we submit to him as wholly as we would Christ? And trust that Jesus is in charge.

Disclaimer: All of that being said if my husband was not following Christ, and wasn't living a Godly life, then I would not fully submit to him. I would still try to be a submissive wife, but my first priority would be to God. I'd ask myself, is this the way that God would have this situation handled? And if hubby had made a decision that went along with the teachings of God, I'd go along with it. If not, then it would be my duty as a Christian to stand up and say something.

Sorry so long.
Julie

Grace · Full Member Joined: 24 May 2001 Posts: 90 Location: IL.

Jujubee,
what does it mean to "submit", the secular word in websters means :"to yield, resign, or surrender the power, will or authority of another or, others: often used reflexively."
"to put or place under". I know that there is a Christian response that I can't seem to put my finger on. thanks for a reply. Grace

Jujubee · Junior Member Joined: 19 Jun 2002 Posts: 29

Well, I suppose in one way that definition is right. The yeild part at least Very Happy

. All I can tell you is my definition from my life. I disagree with the "to put or place under" part. My husband will even tell you that we are a team, partners, not a master and a slave. For me to submit simply means that my husband has the final authority on all decisions made in our home. We ALWAYS discuss any major (or minor) decisions together. And we pray, but we don't always come to the same conclusions. Most of the time we do, but on the rare instances that we just cannot agree, I yeild to my husband's decision. And then I pray. I pray for God to bless my husband for being the spiritual leader, to give him wisdom, to bless this decision and let it be the right one. And I pray that if I am wrong, for him to open my eyes, and let me see it, and vice versa for my husband. I have to tell you since I started handling things this way in my home, it has become so much more peaceful. Hubby doesn't "prepare for battle" before we discuss a situation, and neither do I. We know now that we are a team, and that through us God's will can be done. One of our biggest things is also to submit as a couple to God. To offer ourselves to do his will. I hope this has made some sense for you. Sorry if it isn't much help. If you have anymore questions, feel free to ask.
: Wink

:
Julie

Grace · Full Member Joined: 24 May 2001 Posts: 90 Location: IL.

Thanks, somewhat helpful. I am going away for weekend. hope to get on line monday, please post any thoughts or replies. Grace

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

Quote:

Is the Man really in charge?

The question asked, usually controls the answers and the discussion that follows. In a marriage nobody is really in charge, but rather the values, morals, and in a Christian marriage God and his word is what is in charge.

Most questions and decisions that have to be made, already come with obvious answers. The debates between a husband and a wife are usually whether or not they are going to go with the obvious answer or attempt to rationalized their way into a easier, less restrictive option.

Other debates center over pure preference issues, such as what colors of items purchased, what kind of clothes the kids can wear, what movie to see, what food to buy. Here the decision is made, the debate is over a feature or option. These areas, can be best solved, by each person having their obvious areas of interest. For example I'm not going to argue with my wife over what color, towels she buys. Again not all decisions have to be made by anyone, and if there is a decision, it is not a requirement that the husband gets involved in all decisions.

The real issue with the question here is a battle of words. Is the man in charge? What a woman hear is "Is the man number one"? Is the woman to submit to her husband? What a woman hears is "Is the man superior to the woman"? This is all about jockeying for positions, and labeling.

Where the problem can arise is when the man or woman allows their Ego to infect the mix. But this is something which distorts and infects the relationship, it is not the biblical relationship itself. The hang ups a husband and wife may have is what causes 99% of the problems involved with the "Is the man in charge?" question.

Unfortunately what is really in charge of a marriage is one's ego and personality. If each person controls these, God will have something to work with, and His written Word can take form, just the way it is written.

How can I change to be comformed to God's Word, rather than how can I rationalize God's Word so that it conforms with my viewpoint.

Easing God Out

GIC · Full Member Joined: 02 Mar 2001 Posts: 102 Location: IL.

Humm, Dave, your answer is interesting!

Quote:

In a marriage nobody is really in charge, but rather the values, morals, and in a Christian marriage, God and His word is what's really in charge."

I believe that your values and morals are within your boundries of control. Just because my husband is a Christian, doesn't mean that we agree on every topic that comes down the pike. Large or small. Maybe because I am a women, this issue hung me up before I became a Christian. In reading on this topic, I have found some great resourses. "Beyond Sex Roles" by Dr. Gilbert Bilezikian is phenominal.
In reading, I have found that there are 3 different doctrines that support 3 different views on this topic.

1. the authoritarian - the man is in charge, no matter what.

2. the egalitarian - where the marriage is 50-50.

3. the complimentarian- where the man has his wifes interests at heart and consults and loves and submits to her in a loving way, but will have the final say, if they can't seem to get over the issue.

Different churches have different doctrines. What doctrine does your church support?

Dave, I believe that ego is a huge issue for many things. Although, with this issue, I believe that there is more to it than that. Wouldn't you agree?

There are so many differences within the Christian community, its mind boggeling.
The main point here is that Christ died for our sins, we have been reconciled. If we get so hung up on the differences, we cant stay focused on Him.
I think that's about Satin.

Janine · Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2002 6:35 pm Post subject:

Yeah, there aren't many more fertile areas for Satan to mess us up, than the ground that lies between husband and wife.

My husband sometimes says, "An animal with two heads is a freak." Meaning, he's the head of our household (under Christ, of course).

A wise husband will remember he's supposed to love his wife sacrificially, and it's a stupid husband who domineers and dictates with his wife.

Rather, as Mike tries to do with me, he should make full use of her God-given talents and intelligence, and he should fully explain and ask her prayerful support when he feels he has to make a decision with which she cannot agree.

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