Is it ok to confront my wife's "boy friend" ?

paulus78 · Newbie Joined: 19 Apr 2007 Posts: 7

When I discovered my wife exchanging love emails with an old college "friend" of hers, I was so angry and asked my wife to stop communicating with him. She did by sending him email and cc me.

I was so angry that I also sent him an email (the next day) to stop flirting with my wife. She was upset that I did, becasue I called him an idiot. She thought it was a strange behavior for me to do that, and expressed that most men will not behave the way I did. Did I go overboard?

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2170 Location: Chicago

- What was your motive for sending the e:mail?
- What did it accomplish?
- Did it reflect Christ's love to a lost man?

What it did reflect, is a need to get even. A need for revenge. You did this to me... I'll do that to you.

Romans 12:13 - Bless those who persecute you. Don't curse them: pray that God will bless them.

Romans 12:17 - Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.

paulus78 · Newbie Joined: 19 Apr 2007 Posts: 7

Thanks for your advice. I often don't pay back evil with more evil. I must first admit that I shouldn't have sent him an email. How else could I have told this man to stay away from my wife?

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2170 Location: Chicago

This is something you and your wife should have discussed.

She could have put in her e-mail that you know about their correspondence/e-mails and feel they are inappropriate for a married woman. To keep your marriage on track and put protective barriers around it, their correspondence can no longer occur.

Seriously consider marriage counseling. There is something broken with your emotional bond to each other, if she was reaching out to this other man. If you don't dig deeper and hope this will all go away without help, there is a huge likelihood it will resurface.

webacus · Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 10:49 am Post subject:

paulus, SAM offers some great advice here...

However, I think your reaction was expected and even a
normal response from you, the "husband". I believe I would
have had the same or a stronger response.

How would Jesus have responded?
Well, I remember many times where Jesus didn't hold back.
He was often angry and "quite candid" with people...

Christian men aren't called to be "nice".
We should be "good" men -- there's a difference.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2170 Location: Chicago

Anger for the situation is a normal response... and truly an OK one.
It's completely OK to have this emotion... as a man who has someone attacking your marriage it's normal to want to defend it and protect it.

But... we are warned in our anger that we do not sin. So, it is a fine line. Anger is an emotion God gave us. It's how we use it by calling someone an "idiot" that isn't exactly what He might have had in mind. Very Happy

Ephesians 4:26- Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry.

webacus · Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 1:13 pm Post subject:

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 2170 Location: Chicago

Greek translation is -

Lacking brain cells. Very Happy

... or wisdom to know better.

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