i have trouble wraping my brain around this all

broken07 · Junior Member Joined: 02 Apr 2008 Posts: 41

Last Sunday night after church when the kids called to tell me good night the wife informs me that she was up at the neighbors house and our little girl was playing with the neighbors granddaughters wich is great but then she goes into saying the other man shows up and goes into explaination. I can tell she doesn't want to tell me by the tone in her voice but since our little girl was up there she was afarid she would get to talking about who was up at the neighbors house. I just told her thank you for telling me and didn't get bent out of shape. Well then on morning the kids and i had to drop by her house on the way to school to pick up tennis shoes. I noticed that her front pourch was covered in potted flowers that the other man brought. I didn't say anything then either but it frustrated me and hurt at the same time. When she would ask me about my mood i would just say nothing, which is what i use to do for so many years. I wouldn't talk to her about anything. So yesterday i told her in a very calm voice what was bothering me. She idmately became irrate and told me how that pissed her off for me to even bring it up. She tried to say that the flowers were just plants, not roses in a vase. Again i told her that i was concerned because they were from him and hoped she would try to understand why it upset me. That made her anger even worse. Then she told me that she "had plans for tonight" but never said what and i figured it was a trap of some kind so i didn't ask what they were. She called me a couple times yelling and fussing about how it made her mad and that they were just plants and would hang up. One time she told me she didn't care, i told her if she didnt care why was she so anger with me. i feel anger is an emotion that means you still do care in a way. I tried to tell her that i didn't express my feelings to her to make her mad, but in the past so many times she wanted to talk to her and express how i felt and that if i just held those emotions in then i would be working on changing me and that it concerned me and upset me because i still cared greatly for her. she wants me to show respect to her but in return she doesn't want to show any for me. she told me one time if she said she had plans for me not to question what they were just let it go. I am still her husband granted we don't live in the same house but still her husband and i dont' think i should be treated like this. i feel like she is trying to see how much i will put up with and to be honest the ice is getting very thin. We have been at this for a year and a half and she is wearing me down. that maybe what she wants i don't know.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1858 Location: Chicago

Her anger is because you pushed a buttom.

She knows that the attention of another man is a dangerous path to walk. If there is any hope of restoring you marriage, she cannot accept gifts. It's walking a fine line and she knows it.

She knows that this is not something God wants he to do. And, with that in mind, she is lashing out at you in anger.

She knows.

And, it still sounds like she is in turmoil about this with God. She needs to wrestle this out with God.

It's a good thing that you told her it bothers you that she would accept attention/gifts from another man.

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