I have made the biggest mistake of my life!!!!

skymom21 · Newbie Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 3

I am a Christian 21years old and a newlywed mother. I am Overwhelmed with Guilt I cheated on my husband recently. I cannot even look him straight in the eye. I feel like I have bashed every sense of moral I ever had. I dispise myself. I am in not any way going to justify what I did. I know I am in the wrong and I am trying to deal with my own sins. But I do feel a great deal of resentment towards my husband. When we were dating he was a Sociopath and a Narcassist. He would abuse, decieve, cheat, and use me. I wrote about his behavior on another post. Anyway now he is a good man ... or for the most part he has grown into a better person and I believe he has changed. We had a daughter 7 months ago, and I believe that is the key reason he is different. The last time he cheated on me with a married woman, and that was when I was pregnant and over a year ago. I probably should of ended it then and their because I had gotten to my breaking point. But for the sake of our daughter, I stayed because I wanted her to have the family that I never had. Unfortunatley I still hold a lot of hurt and resentment. He knows this but he also knows that I have forgiven him, just havent forgotten. I know no one is perfect and neither am I everyone makes mistakes.

Anyway the night all started when me and my firl friend went out for drinks. She met up with a guy there and we had begun hanging out with him for most of the night. Everything was going good we were all having a good time. Is it considered wrong to go out with a single friends while married? I am thinking it might be. I saw one of my old friends from highschool at the bar, and I went up and started talking to her. I told her I was married with a new baby and she was happy. She asked to who... and well since my husband went to our highschool I told her. A look of complete shock took over her face. Something I have gotten used to over time. Either I literly get made fun of or felt sorry for... once I tell people who I married. Its like everyone knows his dirty business. So from there she starts telling me about how my husband had sex with her best friend this and that when I was with him. Okay big surprise, I was expecting it because I kinda knew about it. She was didn't want to tell me but she knew I had to know. Anyway my self esteem had hit rock bottpm and by the time we were getting ready to leave. My girl friends guy friend invited us to come back to his apartment. We did. Probably the biggest mistake of my life. The scars still felt fresh and I felt like retaliating. This guy was trying to make me feel better and talking to him made me feel a little secure... but I was very drunk and one thing led to another. Not that being drunk is an excuse. I was so gone... I felt as though I was looking at myself through someone elses eyes. Like my brain was not catching up with my body... and I felt like a rag doll. Afterwards I felt used and alone. I was discusted with myself. I couldn't bare the thought of facing my husband. I really outdid myself this time... I can not believe in a million years I would be the one to cheat. I am 100% against that kind of behavior... but I made one bad choice after another and now its eating me alive. I am fearful... mostly because of God and the fact that I can't even pray because I have betrayed Him. I made a vow to God when I got married. Now I am having doubts about my marriage and I believe I married for the wrong reasons. i think I might have made the worst mistake of my life by cheating but I also think I made it by marrying this man. I am not inlove with my husband... but I do love him. I still want to make things work I just don't know how.

I take full responsibility for my actions. I know God will forgive me... but if i confess my sins to my husband Im not sure he will. This is the worst thing that I have ever done, and will ever do. Please help anyone with advice on my situation. I know I will get persecuted for my actions but I waiting to take all that is coming to me. As long as I can still have some positive feedback from at least one person. It would help.

resecured · Full Member Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 102

(((Dearest sky)))

You will never be persecuted here. That is not how this forum operates. We realize that all have fallen short. We are all sinners. We've all made mistakes, yes, even big ones. What we also know is that God can make good of the bad in our lives. We try to help by uplifting each other. That being said, you will receive truth, Godly truth. The wisdom I've received here has been so amazing. Sometimes the Godly truth goes against the grain (our nature). It seems so hard to do. In the long run though, it is the only right thing to do. It is the only way that God works in and through us. You pray for strength, He'll give it. You pray for wisdom, He'll give it. We only have to ask. One thing though, we then have to put it into action.

We've learned that our marriages cannot survive if there is no honesty. Yes, it hurts to hear, but it is a must for healing. There can be no secrets, lies, or deceit. We not only have to repent to God but to our spouses too. There can be no sweeping under the rug.

I wonder, could your husband really not forgive you for what he himself has done to you also? It would really behoove both of you to go to a Christian counselor. Only then could you both get a clear vision of your marriage.

I will be praying for you both. I know I won't be alone in that either. The brothers and sisters on here are powerful prayer warriors. You are not alone in your pain and uncertainty, believe me.

In Christ, -RJ-

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1858 Location: Chicago

We all carry deep regrets for our sin. The fact that you have regret means God is still working on you.

We are all a work in progress - continually.

The question to ask yourself is - what are we going to do as husband and wife to make sure the cheating stops? What are we not providing for each other?

And, last but not least - what are we going to do that will stop the selfishness and help raise a healthy child? Otherwise, the patterns you both are exhibiting will be passed down to the next generation.

In a relay race, a baton is passed from one runner to the next. Right now both of you are carrying broken batons. What are you going to do to run the marriage race with "whole" batons, that you will eventually pass on to your daughter? Get the professional help you both need, so that you do not pass your brokenness to her.

It's the most important decision you will ever make.

God is for you. He will walk beside both of you. If you are hearing words of shame... they are not from God. He's standing there waiting for you to open your hearts to him again, and to walk with him completely. He washes your sins away and makes them pure as snow. It's important to go to him and ask him to forgive you and help you to restore your marriage.

Your marriage is in my prayers.

skymom21 · Newbie Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 3

Thank you for replying. I know Ineed to heal inside first before I think irrationally. Nothing comes easy to me, but I know that God will be there. Its kind of hard to face Him though, especially during my rough times because I feel like such a mess. I had wanted to talk to my Pastor one on one first. I know we need counseling but my husband does not believe in counseling. He leaves a lot of things under the rug and thinks the best way for a marriage to work is to live in the present and not bring up the past. He just tells me to forgive everything he has done and will do (even the things I don't know about - if that makes sense), because he has already forgiven mine and everyone makes mistakes at one point in their lives.... and bringing up those mistakes will only bring more hurt, resentment, and anger to the relationship... but he also thinks that I am "Pefect" and the kinda woman that will NEVER betray him. He has never confessed his sins, except the last time I caught him. I know we have bothed sinned.... but it doesn't make us equal! Its different, because when he cheated on me, we were just dating - to me what he did back then still hurts, but it seems so insignificant now. While I cheated on him while we were married, and that is one of the deadliest sins and it means something when its sworn under God, there are severe consequences. I am terrified of telling him because it will truley break his heart and possibly make him go back to his old ways. I could not bear to live like that. I just need a lot of prayer. Thank you.

km · Junior Member Joined: 21 Dec 2007 Posts: 29

1. We can't undo our past mistakes/sins/errors (etc.).
2. God can, and will, forgive anything - with your confession and repentance.
3. Marriage is not easy under the best of circumstances, and you two are starting out under challenging circumstances.

I think it would be a very good idea to get both of you into marriage counseling. That might be a good setting for dealing with your recent failure, and with his past misdeeds.

He seems to be making an effort to turn things around (so you seem to say). It might help you both to have outside assistance and guidance on working things out.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1858 Location: Chicago

Start counseling for yourself, even if your husband will not go.
It's important for you to understand and peel back the layers of why you chose to walk this road. It's important so that you gain the skills and knowledge and understand the triggers that sent you down this path - and to make sure they never happen again.

From your posts it seems that the two of you are in need of communication and conflicts resolution skiils - marriage seminars or counseling will help you with that. On our own accord, we are bound to mess it up and we won't easily break the cycles we have become accustom to.

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